


After Mockingjay: Gale Hawthorne

by Redwarrior2003



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Promises, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Growing Old Together, Hunger Games, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Nightmares, POV Gale Hawthorne, Post-Mockingjay, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redemption, Romance, Self-Hatred, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 71,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23663212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redwarrior2003/pseuds/Redwarrior2003
Summary: 7 years after the revolution, Gale is miserable. life in District 2 isn't that bad. but his mental health is. Everyday guilt eats away at him. guilt of the people he couldn't save. Of people he thinks he killed. Guilt of precious friendships he's broken. He's run away from his past, which is the only thing that keeps him going.But one day it comes and knocks on his door and he's forced to redeem it as much as he can. this is the story of his downward spiral, redemption and attempts to fix his mistakes.AUTHOR'S NOTE: In this version Gale has PTSD, so there are descriptions of his nightmares and some of the horrifying events of the hunger games. this story can get emotional intense at times but it's his story to redemption, so there's a happy ending. Hope you enjoy :]
Relationships: Annie Cresta/Finnick Odair, Gale Hawthorne & Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne/Johanna Mason, Gale Hawthorne/Madge Undersee [mentioned], Haymitch Abernathy/Effie Trinket [minor], Katniss Everdeen & Gale Hawthorne, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Comments: 7
Kudos: 31





	1. Part 1

"Goodbye Gale.", Katniss's voice was harsh. Cold. He'd never heard her speak like this, not to him.

He felt something shatter in him. Deep in his roots, years of friendships erased. All because of him.

He turned around. Brows furrowed. Unable to hide the hurt in his eyes.

This was his fault.

Prim's death was his fault.

He had designed the bomb.

But he didnt know that's what it would be used for.

He shook his head, no more excuses. This was his fault.

He struggled to contain the sob in his throat.

Prim.

He had protected her for so many years. Kept his promise for so long.

She was like a sister to him.

Now she was gone.

He kept on walking. Not having a clue where he was going. But he didnt look back.

Prim.

Who had found hope in everything always been optimistic.

Gone in such a hopeless way.

His hand came up to wipe his nose. To hide his face from the people walking past him. They couldn't see him like this.

Prim.

Who had always done the right thing.

Killed so wrongfully.

Killed by him.

He took in a shaky breath and turned. Hoping to find an isolated corner in the huge mansion.

She had tended to his wounds when he was whipped.

She had always been there, giving him hope.

He was supposed to protect her yet she was the one who had given him purpose.

He let out a sob, sitting with his back against the pillar, facing the wall.

He wanted to cry but couldn't feel any tears in his eyes.

Just a dull emptiness. That was once filled with hope and love. Now filled with guilt and hate.

He looked up at the sky, " I'm sorry.", he wondered if she could hear him. Probably not. But he still hoped.

It should have been him, he thought. Him that died in her place. Him that should have shielded her from it.

But he couldn't fight off a few peacekeepers.

After so many years of training, he couldn't fight when he needed to the most.

Angry tears built up in his eyes.

He heard footsteps approaching, he quickly rubbed away his tears. Let his expression harden.

The man was no other than Haymitch.

"Hey.", he greeted.

"What do you want?", He retorted.

" Madam President wanted me to aks you if you want to move to District 2? As a reward for everything you've done."

He didn't think twice, " Yes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**7 Years Later**

Gale was still miserable.

He had been promoted to Captain in the district. Head of security and services.

But he failed to secure his own thoughts.

He put up an act in front of everyone else. Pretended to be strong, emotionless. A leader.

But he was broken.

Every night the same nightmares haunted him.

Prim smiling at him sweetly, calling his name. Telling him everything will be okay.

Him watching helplessly, tied in chains as she begins to be burned by fire. The smile still on her face. The trust still in her eyes.

The fire burning him. Smoke in his throat. Not being able to breath or speak.

Katniss's voice yelling that this is his fault. That he doesn't deserve liberty, yelling at him to go. Until the fire's all he can see.

He had only told his psychiatrist. Who had given him a look of sympathy, fake sympathy. Gave him medication that he never took. Told him that he had PTSD, that talking about it helps, even though it never does.

It had been a week since he slept. Afraid to face the nightmares.

A pile of letters had formed on his desk, from being unread over the years.

They were mostly from Peeta. He had only read a few of them. Most talked about fixing his relationship with Katniss.

Peeta would send one every few months.

Gale knew he wasn't going to sleep. He eyed the letters.

He made his way to the study, legs sore from sitting beside the bed for so long.

He flicked on the lights and began reading.

_Dear Gale ,_

_I finaly found her. She was here in District 12 the whole time. I'm so happy. How are you doing? You should come over some time. You probably think she hates you. She probably does but you need to fix this._

_-Peeta Mallark_

Gale tossed the letter.

_Dear Gale,_

_We're engaged. It's great. I heard your very successful too. Anyways, she's happy but she refuses to talk about you. She storms every time I mention you. You shouldn't ditch her like this._

_-Peeta Mallark_

He felt happy for her. Even though he knew it was from a long time ago.

_Dear Gale,_

_We plan on marrying and I want you to come. This would be a perfect opportunity. By the way, she told me some childhood stories. Can you come?_

_-Peeta Mallark_

He would have ruined the wedding anyways. Feeling annoyed at the repetitiveness, he skipped a few letters.

_Dear Gale,_

_We had our first baby! She has her eyes and my hair. Katniss is so happy I cant even tell you. She still doesn't talk about you though, you shouldn't leave her like this._

_\- Peeta Mallark_

He felt the guilt pooling inside him. Each letter only making it worse. He pulled out the most recent one.

_Dear Gale,_

_there's no special occasion this time. I'm just worried about you. You haven't replied and I know these reached you. I know this is really hard for you and that you never want to come back here. The memories probably hurt. But how long will you run? I can't say she'll forgive you but asking for forgiveness will help. Confronting her will go a long way. Dont let your past ruin your present and future. If you don't reply I'm coming there._

_\- Peeta Mallark_

Gale read the line again, 'if you dont reply, I'm coming there'. Thay was the last thing he wanted.

It was a struggle to find pen and paper in his apartment. Partially because he relied on technology alot but more because his apartment was a mess.

 _Dear Peeta_ ,

He began. Pen tapping as he struggled to come up with a sentence.

_It's nice to hear from you and congratulations on the wedding and baby. I'm busy here so I never really had the time to read or reply to your letters. I'm going to cut to the chase, Katniss is happy, I dont want to ruin that by showing up because her happiness means everything to me. I dont have the courage or will to face her. I think it's better that we never meet again. Let her see me as I am, a horrible person who killed Prim. I've accepted that now. I couldn't save my friendship and it's too late now. If I come there, so will all of her bad memories. I hope you understand_

_\- Gale Hawthorne_

He clutched the envelop tightly in his hand. Torn between treasuring it and ripping it to pieces. The walk to the mailbox was filled with a mix of these 2 thoughts.

He was close to tearing it twice. But then he remembered Peeta's warning. That's the last thing he wanted.

With feeble hands he shoved the letter into the mailbox. Let out a sigh. He hoped it wasn't too late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a month of anticipation for Peeta's reply he came to the conclusion that no reply was coming.

So he went back to his normal schedule. Working, eating. Drinking and eventually passing out. He'd rather pass out than sleep. Passing out didn't allow dreams.

The few times the bars were closed, he watched movies, TV Shows, read books and sometimes sketched. Anything to keep him distracted.

He lived off of coffee.

He had grown a medium length beard at this point. His muscles were less defined now. He had gained a few pounds. Gale felt like he had aged more in these past few months than ever.

He heard the doorbell ring.

He frowned. No onse visited him. His colleagues didn't know where he lived. He got up. Picked up a knife from his kitchen before slowly walking to it.

He looked through the peak hole. He saw a man familiar blonde hair and brown eyes. Beside him, a women with olive skin, brown hair going over her shoulders and grey eyes.

 _Oh God_ , Gale took a step back.

The 2 were no ther then Peeta and Katniss.

He felt panicked, breathing becoming harder.

" We know you're in there.", Katniss sneered.

Gale cursed. He quickly cleaned his living room. Making it presentable. Pulled on a white muscle shirt.

His hand trembled as he swung open the door.

Peeta offered a courtesy nod.

Katniss looked at him, expression emotionless, " You look horrible."

He gulped, " Do you want to come in?"

" No.", Katniss replied.

" Yes.", Peeta corrected her.

He sat across from them. Katniss's gaze was going through him. He could tell.

He looked at the ground. Refused to meet eye contact. His hands were fidgeting. Foot tapping.

He felt like he was on trial for his crimes.

His throat was to dry to speak.

He wanted to apologize but he didnt know how he would say it. He felt like the air was thickening.

"Prim wasn't your fault."

"What?"

" I'm mad at you for leaving."

" Y-you said to leave."

" Not for 7 years!"

"What reason did I have to come back?"

Katniss didn't speak.

" I thought you never wanted to see me again! Why would you?"

"Because you were my best friend! You said you'd always be there!"

"Prim was your best friend Katniss.", his voice cracked on the last words, " And I killed her."

Katniss's jaw clenched, " No you didn't."

" I designed the bomb, You know I did."

Katniss folded her hands, " You didn't know."

" It's still manslaughter. I should be in jail."

There was a moment of silence.

Peeta finaly spoke up, " We want you to come with us."

" No you don't."

Katniss sprung to his feet and marched over to him, she was in his face now. He looked her in the eye.

" Look, we want you to come with us."

" But-"

"There's no buts. You were my friend. You left and now I know why. I'm still mad but I'll get better. "

He looked down.

Suddenly she was forcing him to look up again, expression contouring with rage.

" I'm willing to forgive you, only if you're willing to be forgived. I can't see you... I can't leave you when you're like this."

" What if-"

" Plus,", she paused for a moment, " Peeta doesn't know how to hunt."

That caused an alien feeling to trigger in Gale. Happiness, the content warmth bubbling in him. He nodded, unable to put up a fight.

He didn't know that things were about to get worse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The train ride to their home wasn't pleasant for him. He kept on thinking about Prim, that he had no right to be doing this right now. To be going to her home and be meeting her family.

Katniss and Peeta had kids, they'd told him stories enthusiastically. When they spoke about how it's a toll to take care of them he felt guilt. If it weren't for him they'd have a aunt. A loving, kind aunt, to take care of them.

He had told them he was going to sleep. They had nodded. He was faking of course. Not being able to bear the thought of waking up screaming in front of them. On a densely packed train.

Eventually they both feel asleep. Katniss's head resting on Peeta's shoulder. Both of them looked at peace.

He gazed out the window at the woods. The endless waves of trees. They usually looked beautiful but now with the grey sky and rain storm, they looked eriee.

Gale wondered what had convinced him to agree to this. Peeta's kind letters or Katniss's determined rant. Maybe a combination of both.

"Would you like anything sir?", The waitress asked.

" Coffee.", he didn't even look at her.

She paused, " This would be your fourth in the last 3 hours.", her voice was concerned.

His gaze hardened. He looked at her, " I'll be fine. These cups are pretty small."

She sighed before pouring the warm liquid into a cup and handing it to him.

"Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eventually they reached the new District 12. His heart sank. They had replicated the old one. The buildings were bigger and better. It was cleaner. But everything else was the same.

At the entrance were three huge stones with names carved into them. They were surrounded by flowers. Gale walked closer. The flowers were primroses. He wanted to turn around and leave at that moment.

But Peeta interrupted his thoughts, " You tried your best to save all of them."

" I could have carried more children.", he muttered.

"Let's go."

The walk to Katniss and Peeta's lakeside house was long. Along the way, in the market, he saw many familiar faces. Friends from the cold mines. They all greeted him with smiles, told him how they had moved on with their lives. Invited him to dinner. During these conversations, Peeta and Katniss stood off to the side.

After meeting his boss from the cold mines, Katniss asked him a question, " How do you put up an act like that?"

Peeta cleared his throat. Clearly uncomfortable with the topic. He was trying to stop her.

" It develops over time.", he said without much thought.

Their house and it's location was beautiful. It was out of town. The house it's self was small with a huge deck and 2 rocking chairs. He could see some small paintings on it. Flowers mostly. They looked like they were drawn by a child. A chime was hung from the roof. As well as some oragamis. It was built of wood and painted white. Gale noted that the stairs were kind of crooked. Beside the house was a garden. Filed with tomatoes, carrots and potatoes. Among other vegetables.

" I tried my best.", Peeta remarked.

In front of it were a bunch of plants. Wheat, Flowers, everything came almost up to his knees. He moved forward and saw the river. It wasn't huge. But it was clear enough for him to see the fish in it. It was peacefull. Moving slowly. Ahead of it were rolling hills of grass and some wind males.

"What do you think?" , Katniss asked.

" It's beautifull."

" You want to come in?"

" No, I just want to sit out here for a while."

" Alright. I'll call you when diner's ready."

"Okay."

Gale went and sat down by the lake. He just looked at the hills. Heard the sound of the birds chirping. It was peacefull. Now he almost wished, he hadn't moved to District 2, the harsh city filled with barbed wires and grey buildings. Almost.

He wondered what he did to deserve this. To be in such a peacefull place. To have forgiving friends like Katniss and kind ones like Peeta. He didn't deserve them but he couldn't stop that want to stay with them or buy a house of his own.

Maybe he could move to District 11. Lead a life of farming.

He decided that he would try and 'fix' his relationship with Katniss before doing anything else.

"Hi." , a small voice said.

Gale flinched. Almost falling into the river.

He turned his head.

He saw a girl. About 6 years old. She had curly blond hair that reached her shoulders and grey eyes.

He realized this was their daughter. He had forgotten her name, " Hi.", he greeted back.

"I'm Prim Rue, Who are you?", She tilted her head. Eyes filled with curiosity.

He pondered for a moment. Feeling a spike of pain from the choice of name, " Your mom's friend."

" Is your name Gale?"

His heart skipped a beat. He paused. The girl's gaze became harder to meet for him, " Yeah."

" Mum told me about you. "

" What did she say?"

" She said that you were her best friend since she was very small. That... that you did everything together and that you took care of her family when she was gone."

"Anything else?"

" She said that you made a mistake that accidentally killed my aunt Prim. But she said it wasn't your fault because you meant to help but you didnt know that something that bad would happen. Is that true?"

Gale looked at the lake again, " Yeah."

" When I asked what happened to you. She said that you left because you were sad because your thought Aunt Prim was gone because of you and because mum got mad at you."

The kid took a deep breath. Words coming out of her mouth at an incredibly fast speed.

" She said that you always wanted her to be happy and thought that if you stayed away from her she would be happy. She said that she wasn't going to give up on you even though she's still kinda mad at you. But she wants to forgive you and for you to be happy. Isn't she great?"

" Yeah she's awesome."

" She said that she wanted to find you a nice girl for you to marry so she would t have to take care of you and so you can be happy-"

"Did she really?"

"Yeah, dont interrupt me or I'll forget. She said that we both have to take care of each other when she isn't here and I think I'm doing a great job but you have some work to do."

"What can I do."

The kid smirked and Gale was surprised how sinister it was, " You have to listen to me and do what I want you to as much as you can. "

"I can do that."

" And you have to be my friend. "

Gale paused, " how do I do that?"

" You're a good friend to my mum. Just do the same with me. You just help me and play with me and stuff."

" Okay."

Prim extended her hand, " Deal?"

Gale accepted the offer. He couldn't help but gawk at how small her hand was compared to his.

He felt a familiar emotion rise again. Protectiveness. He internally swore to not leave the child and not let anything happen to her when he could stop it.

" Dinner's ready!", Peeta called from the deck.

"Coming!", Prim called.

Gale rose to his feet and brushed the dirt off his pants.

Prim looked up at him, " Carry me."

Gale looked down at her, " You can walk right?"

"That's a stupid question. Of course I can walk! But if your my friend, you won't say no."

The kid was a natural. Gale grinned as he scooped her up effortlessly. Prim ran her hand through his beard, he didn't mind, " Daddy doesn't have one of these.", she frowned.

" He probably shaves it."

"Why don't you?"

" I'm lazy."

" Don't shave it. It's fluffy and I like it."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Gale went up the stairs and lowered her to the ground. She ran into the house.

Peeta had an apologetic look in her eyes, " I'm sorry about her."

" No it's fine. She gets what she wants I'm guessing?"

" Yup." Peeta sighed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For diner they had tomatoes soup and bread. Because tomato soup was all Katniss could make in the short time period and Peeta had brought back leftovers.

Prim devoured the bread in a matter of seconds and Katniss tried to scold her, told her to eat slow. When the kid didnt comply, she gave Gale an akward smile, " She's like this sometimes."

" You were too.", he mumbled a little too loud.

Katniss gasped.

" Now I'm curious.", Peeta remarked.

The kid was making faces at the tomato soup. Taking small sips and wrinkling her nose in disgust.

Gale took a bite out of the bread, " This is good.", he said after swallowing it. He quickly noticed that no one was paying attention. Peeta and Katniss were arguing in whispers.

" we only have 2 bedrooms!", Peeta hissed.

" I can sleep with Prim. You and Gale can-"

Gale gagged on his bread.

" Kat, no! I have nightmares remember? And I tend to be-", Peeta looked at him and Gale immediately averted his gaze. Focusing on his tomato soup, " - very affectionate in my sleep."

Katniss mouthed an, Oh. She thought for a moment, " Prim can sleep with us."

Apparently they spoke to loud and Prim being a dramatic as she is spat out her soup and exclaimed, " I am not sleeping beside dad!"

" Prim-", Katniss began.

" I want to sleep in my room!"

" You know that won't work."

" I can sleep on the couch?", Gale offered.

" No.", all three family members said in unison.

" Plus, the couch is too small.", Prim added.

" I can go to Dave's?"

"No!", Katniss shot down his idea.

" I know!", Prim's face light up, " He can sleep in my room!"

Katniss's mouth snapped shut, " That could work." She looked at Peeta.

" We have a bed in the garage. It's a folding bed. It'll be easy to carry.", Peeta said happily.

" I'll go get it.", Gale said. Already getting up, " Where in the garage?"

" right in the front.", Peeta said with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Both of them were restless, Prim kept on moving in her bed. The sheets kept on rustling.

" Gale?", she called.

"Hmm?", he tried to make his voice sound sleepy.

" How was my mum when she was small?"

"Just like you."

He could tell she was smiling, " Really?"

" Yup."

" Can you tell me a story?"

" You should be sleeping, Prim, you know that I can't."

" Okay."

It didn't take long for her to fall asleep after that.

Gale counted the blue neon stars on the roof, 53 he could confirm. Then he noticed he had missed a bunch. He sighed and started counting again. His eyes didn't close to blink.

He heard the sheets rustle beside him. He turned his head. Prim had her face scrunched up. She was rocking left and right.

" Prim?"

Her eyes snapped open. She whimpered.

" Prim?", he said louder. When no reply came, he got out of his bed and kneeled next to hers.

She looked at him with fear filed eyes, " Daddy left Mum!", she whispered, " And and they were yelling at each other and mum was yelling at him to leave and-"

" Shh, Prim it was just a bad dream.", he reasured, pressing his hand against her cheek.

She leaned into the touch.

" They won't leave me right?", She asked.

Gale paused, not wanting to promise something he wasn't sure about, " I'll try my best to make sure that wont happen."

"Mm okay.", she hummed happily.

Gale smiled.

She pulled the covers up to her chin, " Night."

Gale kissed her forehead, " Night.", he got up to return to his bed but her hand grabbed his finger, " Gale?"

"Yeah?"

" Can you stay?"

" I'm only 2 feet away from you."

" Whenever I have a bad dream Daddy would let me hold onto him and i dont want to wake him up because you're here but I guess it's fine-"

" Prim?"

"Yeah?"

"Move over."

The bed groaned with protest as he lowered himself onto it. A small part of him thought it might break. He ignored it.

Prim's small arms curled around him. She placed her head on his chest and went to sleep.

He could feel his own eyes closing. He fought against it not wanting to deal with his nightmares. But eventually he surrendered.

He saw no nightmares that night. His sleep was dreamless and it was a relief. He felt that the sleep from that night had made up for the rest of the sleepless nights he'd gone through.

next chapter coming up soon :]


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there's description of blood and gore in Gale's nightmare. there will be 10 chapters at most. I'll figure it out but I won't make you guys wait too long before posting. Hope you enjoy. 
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> It had been a few weeks since Gale had come back. Peeta had managed to convert their basement into a bedroom. Luckily for him it had it's own door. He'd sneak out sometimes, take a stroll around the square.
> 
> He hadn't told anyone of his sleepless nights. Of his nightmares. he just managed to take small naps through out the day. Katniss seemed to notice, earlier on she had asked him, " You're okay... right?", the doubt wasn't fake.
> 
> But now sleep was catching up with him. His eyelids were getting heavier. Thoughts slowing. his eyes finally closed.
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a few weeks since Gale had come back. Peeta had managed to convert their basement into a bedroom. Luckily for him it had it's own door. He'd sneak out sometimes, take a stroll around the square.

He hadn't told anyone of his sleepless nights. Of his nightmares. he just managed to take small naps through out the day. Katniss seemed to notice, earlier on she had asked him, " You're okay... right?", the doubt wasn't fake.

But now sleep was catching up with him. His eyelids were getting heavier. Thoughts slowing. his eyes finally closed.

_Gale's eyes opened. he was in the capitol again. the buildings were in ruins. he could hear people screaming, running. among them stood a child. who seemed carless of it all._

_Her hair blond hair was in braids. Small smile on her lips. Eyes filled with kindness._

_"Prim.", he felt the heat of the fire at his feet._

_"Gale.", she said fondly, " It's time to go."_

_"No."_

_he watched it as it neared her. caught onto the edge of her skirt. she didn't notice only smiled at him, " You're coming right?"_

_The chains tightened around his limbs, the hungry fire circled him._

_" You should stop struggling"_

_The fire was swallowing her now. Only her face was visible._

_the smoke was in his throat. causing him to gag for air._

_"This is your fault!", he heard Katniss's voice cry._

_"Its time to go.", Prim whispered. as she began to burn._

_He raised his chin. The fire had taken the rest of him. Swirled around him._

_He closed his eyes. breaths finally failing him. Heart beat slowing down. His life beginning to drain out of him._

"NO!', Gale sprung up in his bed, covered in a sheet of sweat. Heart hammering.

He gasped. Clawed at his throat, the feeling of being choked too real.

It wasn't real, he told himself. He breathed again, the sensation of air rushing into his lungs was soothing. He tried to hold back a sob.

 _This was a bad idea_ , He ran his hand through his hair

 _I never should have come back_ , His eyes began to water.

 _I don't deserve this_ , he let the tears run down his face. Not feeling the need to contain any of them.

 _I don't deserve to live_ , his eyes wandered to his pocket knife that is placed on the night table.

 _Im not brave enough to die_ , he put the knife back down, shocked that he didn't notice when he picked it up.

he thought of Prim. Katniss, and even Peeta. How they had started to accept them.

He concluded that he'd fix as much as he could before leaving forever.

He heard a noise coming from upstairs, he frowned. Everyone was sleeping right? He looked at the clock, it read 3 AM.

Curiosity got the best of him as he quietly went up the stairs, cursing whenever they squeeked or groaned under his weight. He slowly opened the door and listened. The noise was coming from Finnick's room and Gale had a moment of realization, the baby was awake. He wondered if he should just go back downstairs. The last thing he wanted was to go in the room and see Katniss or even worse, Peeta and have to explain why he was awake.

The baby began wailing and Gale hurried towards the room without giving it another thought. he didn't want Prim to wake up, putting her to sleep was a hard task. if Gale would ask tell her a bed time story, she would shower him with a thousand questions, ask one question then another before he could fathom an answer. She reminded him of Posey.

He slowly opened the door and as he had suspected, the baby was awake. He walked over, carefully not to step on any of the toys littered across the floor, he wondered why a baby would need so many toys? He shook off the thought, " Hey Buddy.", he smiled.

Big brown eyes looked up at him, Finnick cooed. His chubby cheeks still had streaks of tears on them. Then he remembered what he was doing and began crying again and Gale was taken aback by the sudden change. He picked him up, " What do you want?", he whispered, wishing that babies could talk. He wandered around the room, patting the baby's back and hoping that he just might go back to sleep. He found Finnick's sucker brought it to his line of sight and the baby swatted it away, " Okay, not the sucker." and then it began wailing even louder, " Shi-", Gale caught himself, ' _no swearing in front of the baby_ ', Katniss's stern voice rung in his head. At the time he had stepped on one of Prim's legos barefoot and had cried out a few colourful words and had been sent to the time out corner. An incredibly small stool facing the wall. Peeta had walked in and had laughed hysterically.

Before he knew it his heart was accelerating, reaching incredible speeds. He looked around for a bottle. the baby's cries abruptly stopped and he sighed with relief. He swayed gently, he had seen his mother do it with Posey when she was around the same age. Surely enough the baby went to sleep, Gale could feel his breath on his shoulder but then he felt something else, it was wet and it was making it's way down his back. Spit. Gale cringed. He could come home covered in dirt, sweat and grime and he was fine with it but he could never handle spit. Once, he was holding Posey when she was a baby, as his mother went around frivolously cleaning and he was playing with her, spinning her around and she gave him her cutest smile but then she sneezed, launching her saliva in his face and Gale had flinched so hard that he had almost dropped her.

Now Gale wondered what to do. he had seen the Mellarks put Finnick back in the crib without waking him but Gale was never good at that and he still didn't have the slightest clue how to execute this.

The door swung open, Peeta stood there. Bottle of milk in his hand. Hair sticking out all over the place, eyes barely open, "Gale?", he said surprised, his eyes went to the baby fast asleep, " How? Why are you even awake?"

" I'm a very light sleeper.", Gale replied, hoping that was enough, " Now... how do I put him in the crib without waking him up?"

Peeta smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They both ended up watching television on mute. Both of their sleep long gone. Peeta made 2 cups of tea and gave Gale one. He had explained that Katniss had banned coffee when she found out too much was bad for the baby and it had stayed that way since.

Gale, personally wasn't a fan of tea but was thankful nevertheless.

Peeta had a question, Gale could tell. He had a perplexed expression on his face but Gale could tell he didn't want to ask it.

Gale took a sip of the tea, waited a few seconds before not being able to bear the silence anymore," What is it?"

" What?"

"Your question."

Peeta paused, " Is it that obvious?"

" Couldn't be more obvious."

Peeta placed the cup on the coffee table, looked down at his hands and began fidgeting with them, " Gosh... I have so many."

" Ask away.", Gale said, he knew this wasn't going to be pleasant, revisiting all those memories but he had to at some point right?

" In the first games, when Katniss and I were being a couple to survive...", Peeta paused.

Gale gulped, this already stung.

" You were taking care of her family, you were... how did you feel?"

Gale averted his gaze now, " Well it sucked, I guess. Cause I thought that she liked me and I new that I love h... I loved her and when were watching and you two... you didn't look like you were acting.", He laughed, " It hurt and I hated you because I thought that you were the one that took her away from me.", Gale looked at Peeta, who was looking at him with pity, " Why am I even telling you this? It's not your fault, she just chose you.", Gale scratched his neck.

Peeta nodded, " But why did you save me? You could have...", Peeta paused.

" Kept her for myself?", Gale shook his head, " I would never do that. I was her friend. I saw how she was without you, she was broken and sad and she..., ", Gale gulped, " She loves you and I just couldn't see her like that. All I need is for her to be happy, that's enough. But when you hurt her, I know it wasn't you but I wanted to kill you."

Peeta chuckled, " You rightfully wanted to kill me.", Peeta looked at him and smiled, " And you are her friend."

" Thanks but I'm not her friend Peeta, I lost that when I killed...", the words caught in his throat. He felt it again, the hollowness in his chest, the guilt, the wish that it was him in her place, " When Prim died."

" That wasn't your fault-"

" Thanks for the tea.", Gale placed the cup on the table in front of him and left, heading straight for the basement without looking back.

All the emotions hit him like a tidal wave, overwhelming him.

he lay in his bed without any intention of sleeping. Eyes fixed on a point in the ceiling.

His head replaying a tragic memory of a girl with blonde hair, a girl as resilient and beautiful as the sun. A girl who died way too fast.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gale’s eyes snapped open. He knew instantly that it was a nightmare, he didn’t have to remind himself anymore, which was an improvement. His eyes wandered to the clock, 3 am. He sighed, 2 hours of sleep wasn’t nearly enough to function but he’d have to make do, not wanting to know what his next nightmare would bring. 
> 
> He got out of the bed and put on a shirt and what he assumed were trousers, he failed to see very clearly in the dark. He put on his boots that he kept by his bed, this had become a habit. He pulled on his warmest jacket and stepped outside. 
> 
> The stars were clearly visible, as usual. Unusually, it was a full moon. He wandered to the bar, one of the newest editions to town. The old district 12 didn’t have many citizens who could afford any type of alcohol. Especially not in the Seams. It was a block from the Mellark's Bakery. He barely had to see where he was going. His feet shuffled in the snow, it was winter now, Christmas was near. Christmas lights hung between each streetlamp. Now the whole district looked like the richer part of town.

The next nightmare he had was different. There was no flash of braided blonde hair or blue hair this time. This time he was in District 12. 

_Gale was in his house when he felt the tremor of the capitol ships, and heard the rumble of their engines. His eyes had widened. He was yelling, gather your stuff, get out of here. The first bomb hit a few miles out of the town. He told Rory to go to the woods. He was running to her house, the ground trembled, the sound of screams ripped through the air, piercing his ears._

_“PRIM!”, he yelled, he knew that the ships were nearing, “PRIM, WHERE ARE YOU?!”, his heart was thudding, he only had a few seconds before he would have to get out of there. She came running down the stairs, her cat Buttercup clutched in her hands, “ Let’s go.”_

_He knew his next destination, he ran as fast as his feet could carry him and then he tripped on an object, fell face first into a pool of blood, his eyes widened, he saw a burned corpse, it’s arm had been blown off, he had tripped on it’s leg. It’s eyes were wide open, hazel eyes frozen in an expression of fear. Gale gasped, dragged himself away before getting to his feet._

_He heard distant screams._

_When he reached her house it was already on fire, most of the structure had caved in. She could still be alive right? His eyes watered, partly from the ashes in his eyes and partially “ Madge?”His voice was barely audible, his heart was sinking, “ Madge?”, he managed to say louder._

_He saw an arm dangling out of the structure, it looked too familiar, small with nimble fingers. He had a feeling that he had held that hand._

_‘I Love you Gale. I know you don’t feel the same, but you’ll get to it.’,She had told him a few weeks ago. if only he had replied, had gripped her and kissed her._

_He hesitantly stepped forward, the voice in his head telling him to run._

_He lifted the plank of wood._

_He fell to his knees and sobbed._

_It still wore the makeshift bracelet made of whool that Posy had made, with a plastic daisy in the middle._

_She was barely recognisable, he couldn’t see anything beyond her chest, the walls had crashed in on her. He could see her face, covered with blood and dirt, her hair that was always combed out was mostly burned off._

_Suddenly her eyes snapped open, she latched onto the collar of his shirt, she sneered, ‘You could have saved me!’_

Gale’s eyes snapped open. He knew instantly that it was a nightmare, he didn’t have to remind himself anymore, which was an improvement. His eyes wandered to the clock, 3 am. He sighed, 2 hours of sleep wasn’t nearly enough to function but he’d have to make do, not wanting to know what his next nightmare would bring. 

He got out of the bed and put on a shirt and what he assumed were trousers, he failed to see very clearly in the dark. He put on his boots that he kept by his bed, this had become a habit. He pulled on his warmest jacket and stepped outside. 

The stars were clearly visible, as usual. Unusually, it was a full moon. He wandered to the bar, one of the newest editions to town. The old District 12 didn’t have many citizens who could afford any type of alcohol. Especially not in the Seams. It was a block from the Mellarks' Bakery. He barely had to see where he was going. His feet shuffled in the snow, it was winter now, Christmas was near. Christmas lights hung between each streetlamp. Now the whole district looked like the richer part of town.

He passed the square, eyes darting to where he had been whipped by the peacekeeper. He remembered pain, his back burning, vision blurring, white dots dancing in front of his eyes, before focusing on the path ahead. 

He slung the door open, there was soft acoustic music playing. Two singers on stage, a male and female, both sounded tired. Which made sense, it was midnight. The bar was densely packed, Gale cursed and remembered it was Saturday. It was simplistic, the brick walls were visible from the inside, most of the furniture was wood, he went and sat in the furthest corner. Away from as many people as possible, the bartender gave him a whisky, before the words left his mouth. He had come here a few times a week, he thanked him and began drinking in peace.

His usual schedule was to drink until his mind could only form muddled thoughts, stop so he could walk home and pass out into his bed. He watched the band, more specifically, the woman, how after every few seconds her dark hair turns blonde, honey colored eyes have a flash of sky blue. 

“ Hey beautiful.” , A finger trails over his shoulder. He turns around and is captivated by green eyes, her caramel hair is frizzy. Her mascara, smudged. The makeup on her face is too visible from up close, he can tell the blush on her cheeks is fake, “ Wanna take me home?”, her smile is twisted, there’s a frantic look in her eyes but it’s kind of charming.

“ Not interested.”, he mumbles as her nails scrape the back of his neck. She comes closer, he can smell cigarettes off her breath.

“ We could have a good time.” 

Gale gulped, “ Not interested.”, he repeated, “ Please go away.” 

Suddenly a large frame was pulling her back, she whined, said something to the man that Gale didn’t bother to hear but then the man was grabbing his shoulder and his fist connected with Gale’s nose, Gale’s head snapped back,” You don’t have to do this,”, he reasoned, “ I’ll pay for my drink and leave.” 

The music stopped abruptly, he knew all eyes were on them. Gale didn't want that kind of attention.

There was a look of confusion on the man’s face, Gale knew he had never seen someone who didn’t want to fight but then the fire in his eyes returned and Gale’s head was about to be slammed against the counter but his hands shot out that’s when the next blow connected. Gale growled with annoyance but didn’t fight back. Not even when the man was kneeing him in the ribs, Gale backed away, stuck his hand out, “ I’ll leave.”, he managed to say, breath rasping in his throat. 

“ You bloody prick, you flirt with MY WIFE.” 

Gale felt the rage boiling at the pit of his stomach. He went to punch again and Gale ducked and landed a push kick and topped it off with a swift roundhouse kick to the head. The man fell back and leaned against the counter. Gale began walking away, knowing better than starting a fight for such a frivolous reason. 

Then he was being tackled, head connecting with the tile underneath him,causing a spike of pain to reverberate across his skull, he grunted. Wrapped his arms around the man’s head in a headlock, he flailed, landed a few blind punches on Gale before passing out. 

He heard the wife’s shrill cry as Gale pushed the man off him and he simply rolled. She was at her husband’s side, cradling his head, he heard her repeat the name Josh, that was probably his name. Gale wondered if he should apologize but ended up ignoring the thought. 

He got to his feet too fast, the world spun but Gale was still pissed off, he landed a kick against the man’s chest, he stumbled to the counter, paid the money and walked out the bar without uttering another word.

The walk back to the Mellark household was excruciating. His nose was bleeding, he knew he had gotten bruises and his head was throbbing, every passing light was blinding. He stuck close to the wall and pulled the hood of his jacket over his head. His hands stuck out whenever he lost his footing, he idly thought about how it was almost as if he was a baby again, learning how to walk. 

He sat down on a bench, let himself get his bearings together before getting to his feet and walking again. He began counting street lamps as he passed by, needing something to focus on. When he made it to the side road he felt a rush of relief.

_Almost There_ , his feet were dragging themselves now, _Just a few more steps._

He tripped, flailing helplessly before face planting in the dirt road. He sat up, stunned for a moment. He rubbed his mouth with his sleeve. He momentarily wondered what the hell he was doing before it occurred to him. 

He got on his knees. Decided to rehearse what to tell Katniss.

_He had gotten into a fight._

Pushed himself to his feet. 

_A stupid fight that wasn’t his fault._

He kept on walking, he could make out the outline of the house.

_The wife had flirted with him_

He began counting steps, his mind in a haze that was impossible to get out of.

_The raging bull of a man didn't like that_

He barely made it up the stairs of the porch. 

_Katniss was going to kill him._

He rang the doorbell, he could see specks of daylight across the sky, he knew she’d be awake. 

Surely, she was. She opened the door and looked at him with confusion, “ Gale? What happened?”, her hand went out to grab his face and inspect it but he pushed past her. Went to the living room and fell onto the couch.

She gave him a cloth and he put it under his nose, his eyes were barely open. She was gently patting his cheeks but it was barely doing anything to keep him conscious. Then she was inspecting his head, making sure it wasn’t bleeding.

“What happened?”, she repeated.

“ Wife flirted...stupid fight...s’ not my fault…”, he managed.

The last thing he saw was the quizzical look on Katniss’s face before he passed out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He could feel the warmth of a blanket on his body. He knew the sun was up because of the orange behind his eyelids. He could hear small noises. He didn't want to wake up and be bombarded with questions, so he kept his eyes shut and tried to go back to sleep. 

“ Gale’s gonna be okay right?” , a small voice said. 

“ Of course he is.”

“ What does he have? What is it called? A conc…What is it called?”

“ A concussion, Honey.” 

“How does it happen?” 

“It’s when your brain shakes in your skull.”

“Sounds like it hurts.” 

Gale gave up, opened his eyes slowly and closed them immediately, blocking the sunlight with his arm. His ribs were incredibly sore, his nose felt wrong and the throbbing in his head returned. 

“Gale! You're awake.” 

Katniss was smiling but Gale could tell it was forced. 

“ Mum said your brain is hurt.” 

Gale managed a weak smile. 

Katniss helped him sit up, gave him soup and his eyes began drooping again and he was slipping back into slumber.

“ Why’s he sleeping again?” 

“ He needs rest sweetie.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time he awoke it was night, the television was on, Katniss and Peeta were seated across from him, Peeta noticed first, “ Hey.”, he smiled kindly. Katniss looked over at him. She muted the tv. He knew she was going to ask again.

“ I went to the bar and this woman began flirting with me, I told her I wasn’t interested, she still wouldn’t cut it out. Her husband came over, thought I was flirting with her and punched me, I said I would leave but he wouldn't listen, so he ended up beating me up. “

“Did he win?”, Peeta asked almost instantly and Katniss glared at him.

“No.”, Gale replied, “ I got him in a headlock and he passed out.”

Katniss rolled her eyes, “ That doesn’t matter, you have a concussion.”

“ _What_?” 

“ You're lucky it’s a minor one.”

Gale struggled to remember, “ He tackled me and my head hit the ground pretty hard, that’s probably how.” 

Katniss nodded, she didn’t ask the question he was dreading yet but then she did, “ What were you doing at a bar that late?” 

Gale grimaced, “ I couldn’t sleep. I got a few hours in but I always end up waking at odd hours.”

“Nightmares?”, Peeta asked.

Gale wanted to deny it but was frozen like a deer in headlights, how had he said it so nonchalantly? He nodded, “Yeah.” 

There was a moment of silence, Gale wondered if they were going to kick him out. 

“ Talk to us about them.” 

“What? No, why should I tell you!”, his self defence mechanism flared up, _Talk?_ There was no way in hell he’d ever tell them. He was fine, he could handle himself, he didn't need rescuing, “ I… I’m fine.” 

Katniss remained stoic, “ It helps.” 

“ I’m not _talking._ “, Gale snapped, “ Not to you or anyone else. Do you need an excuse to kick me out, so you won’t feel bad about it? Is that what it is? I’ll pack my stuff and leave, okay? I don’t care if you tell everyone I need a shrink to make yourself feel better!”, his head was throbbing, at the same time, pure rage coursed through him. 

He pushed the blanket off of himself and got to his feet, he nearly toppled when the world began to spin, Katniss approached to help him but he took a step back, “Don’t.”

By some miracle he made it down the stairs. He grabbed his bag and began stuffing his belongings into it.

He had come here to fix his friendship not to get signed up for unwelcomed therapy.

Sweat gathered on his brow.

He owed her a debt, that was it otherwise he was fine with her hate. 

His hands were trembling, he ignored them. 

Her hand was on his shoulder, he pushed it off, “ Don’t touch me.” 

“ Hey, it’s okay.”, She said kindly. 

He walked away, turned his back to her and pressed his forehead against the wall, “ Stop-”

“ We all aren’t okay Gale, we’re all damaged or broken in some way and that’s okay-”

He shook his head, he had tears in his eyes and he couldn’t figure out why. 

“ You don’t have to talk about it-”

“Katniss!”, he looked at her from the corner of his eye, “ Just stop! Leave me alone, _please_.”, he hated how his voice cracked on the last word 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now Gale refused to talk to them at all. Prim didn’t try to make him, she had noticed how sour his mood was. Katniss being the angel she was, didn’t force anything on him. 

He brooded throughout most of the day, He began staying in the basement, going out through the door by it rather than going upstairs. It went on for more than a week, He couldn’t bring himself to talk to them. Sometimes he finds freshly baked loaves of bread on the stairs and he’d eat them, push the plate back under the crack of the door. 

He ended up walking outside a lot more. He’d stick in his earplugs in his ears, making it clear that he didn't want to talk. He sits on the bench, stares at the trees blowing in the wind and feels some peace in it. 

His headaches were intolerable at first but he slept most of them off with the aid of sleeping pills he had gotten from a friend who happened to work at a pharmacy. 

On Wednesday, he found that he couldn’t keep it up much longer. Prim had eaten and gone to sleep. Katniss and Peeta were silently eating dinner. He stood before them, cleared his throat, they both looked up.

“ I'm sorry.”, He said slowly, taking in their expressions, “ I shouldn’t have acted like such a jerk about it, you were just trying to help… i'm sorry.”

Katniss smiled, “ It’s okay.”, She got up and extended her arms, “ Come here.” 

He frowned, she had never been much of a hugger but then again she had told him that she didn’t want kids, his eyes darted to Peeta, who nodded. Gale hesitantly came forward and hugged her.

“I’ve known you for years you idiot, don’t you think I'd know that you didn’t mean it?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day their tap stopped working. 

Peeta tried it again, hoping that it might just work, “ We should call someone.”, he said finally giving up after his 10th try. 

Katniss sat in the corner, exuding annoyance, “And have to pay them? No way, Gale can take a look at it.”, she looked at him, “ Right?”

He smiled, “ Anything for you _Katnip._ “

She scrunched up her face, she never liked that nickname.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katniss had gone to the market and Prim had gone with her. Peeta had brought the tool box out of the garage and had honestly admitted that he had never used it. Gale had looked at him shocked, Peeta had told them that they never needed him to learn because he had older siblings to do that, so he ended up baking.

Gale sat with his head in the cupboard. _Maybe something’s jammed in there_? He thought as he looked at the pipe. 

“Hand me the wrench?”, he stuck out his hand and Peeta handed it to him.

“How did you learn all this stuff?”

“From my dad, we didn't have the money to just call someone to fix it.”

He carefully pried the bolt open. 

Peeta had left the tap on.

A blast of water hit Gale in the face and he fell back, shielding his face.

He cursed as the bolt kept on slipping out of his grip but he quickly turned off the tap and twisted it back on. He looked at Peeta, his hair was plastered to his forehead, eyes wide.

Peeta bore a similar expression but then a small smile formed on his lips.

Gale’s eyes narrowed, “ Don’t you dare.” 

That was the last straw, Peeta burst out laughing, “Your face was amazing.”, he managed to say between gasps of breath. 

Gale smiled, unable to contain it, “Damn you.” 

That day he learned that Peeta Mellark had the sense of humor of a five year old.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys hoped you enjoyed the chapter! I wanted to make this one end on a less depressing note, hopefully it worked 
> 
> I wrote this at midnight, so please don't mind the spelling mistakes.


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gale grabbed the flashlight and made his way back to the couch. He turned it on and set it on the coffee table.
> 
> “This sucks.”, Johanna stated.
> 
> “Am I that bad of a date?”, Gale asked.
> 
> He heard a chuckle, “ Did someone ever tell you that you’re a bit funny?”
> 
> “ You shouldn’t spoil a man too much Mason.”
> 
> “What’s the limit?”
> 
> Gale pondered for a moment, “ I don’t have one. I’m a simple man with simple pleasures.”
> 
> “ You wish.”
> 
> “Ouch.”

“We got you a date.”, Katniss said abruptly at dinner one night.

“ You what?”

“You heard her.”, Peeta grinned.

“ I mean thanks but im good-”

“ You need to go out Gale, You’ll find someone-”

“ I did, it didn't really work out in my favor did it?”

Katniss looked flagbustered for a moment, Peeta choked on his food.

Gale grinned, “Calm down, i'm not gonna steal your wife.”

Katniss cleared her throat, “ I think you’ll like her.”

Gale sighed, “ When is this date?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale was surprised at how much effort Katniss put into getting him ready. She had rubbed hair products on to his scalp, she had assigned Prim to comb his hair while she found decent clothing. it had grown out a bit, reached the nape of his neck. she was combing it to the side, getting frustrated whenever one stubborn strand stuck in the opposite direction.

After rummaging through his clothes, she decided on a white yarn sweater and jeans. She had reasoned that it was cold outside and that was the best sweater Gale owned.

Gale was about to shave when Peeta stopped him, “ I think she’d like you better with a beard.”

Gale looked at him confused, “ You sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

Gale being the time freak he was, showed up 15 minutes early. Just so he could get a feel for the place and think of what the hell he should say. He had gone on dates before, most were double dates because a colleague’s love interest wanted their friend to come along too. He ended up having decent conversations with them and even having fun but when both of them would bid farewell he knew the only reason they both were there was their friends.

Everyone there had tried to push him into dating but it had never worked, first it was the struggle to get food on the table, before the revolution. During it, he was occupied in planning and missions and after he was dealing with sleepless nights and a hectic work schedule. He never really had the time. Plus he always ended up falling for the girls he’d never get.

First it was Katniss, he didn't feel the need to explore that chain of thought any more but then there was Madge, a ray of hope who was always kind and open to him, for a lot of his time with her, he was still facing heartbreak but then the few weeks of bliss had arrived. They would go in the woods together, he’d enthusiastically talk about snares and hunting, in return she’d talk about art and music. He remembered the butterflies in his stomach when she held his hand. How his heart accelerated almost every time he saw her. She had admitted that she loved him but he was afraid of this love. He had experienced it with Katniss and for the most part it was painful. She knew he felt the same way, she was smart in that sense. She had kissed him on the cheek and he would blush every time he saw her after that. He didn't like thinking about Katniss, thinking about Madge was easier, nicer. Katniss had left him because of her choice. Madge was gone because of a cruel twist of fate. He couldn’t have done anything, he just wished that he had kissed her at least once.

He saw a figure walking towards his table and when she stood in front of him with a mischievous grin on her face, he couldn’t help but look confused, “ Johanna?”

She sat down, “ Hawthorne, what’s up?”

He felt odd that she wasn’t even surprised, did she already know about this? He wondered, “ Honestly? Not much.”

She snorted, “ I'm gonna say this now, the new look suits you.”, she said genuinely.

“ Thanks, I was gonna shave, Peeta said you’d like this better.”

Her smile broadened at his mention, “ How is he?”

“They’re happy, they have 2 kids, the older one’s a girl and the younger a boy. Prim and Finnick.”

“ They deserve it.”, Johanna stated, “ What are you doing here? I thought you went to District 2?”

“I did, they found me and told me to come with them.”

Johanna looked amused, “Really?”

“ Yeah, Peeta wrote letters, the last one said that if I didn’t reply they’d come to my apartment. They did.”

Johanna had kept her hair short, It was at her chin but she had stopped dying it, it was black. He knew that she was happier than she was 7 years ago, when they had gotten them back from the capitol.

“ You still love Katniss?”, she asked casually.

Gale stuttered for a moment, “ I-uh...not like that.”

She nodded, eyes looking out the window, “ That must have sucked.”

He didn't know why it was so easy to talk to her, maybe it was because she was brutally honest, “ It did.”

“ Peeta said that we’d even each other out.”, She mumbled as she looked over the menu.

“I don’t get it.”

She chuckled, “ I knew you wouldn’t.”

He was offended for a moment but waited for her to continue anyway.

“ Peeta said that I’m like a raging fire,a passionate mess, I need someone to calm me down and that you're like stone, stoic, well put together and needs to let loose. He also said we could help each other like he and Katniss do.”

“That sounds nice.”, he admitted honestly.

“Doesn’t it?”She chirped enthusiastically, “ Now, I'm starving, what’s the best food here.”

Gale laughed.

They enjoyed their food in comfortable silence. It was odd to Gale how ordinary the date was because Gale’s last memory of Johanna was the frail girl with a look of murder in her eyes, everyone knew they could kill them if she wanted too. They hadn’t talked much, maybe not at all but Gale knew he respected her because she had been to hell and back and she was still capable of being brave.

“I’ve been visiting 4 alot.”, she said idly, “ Stayed there for a while. With Annie and her boy. He’s an angel...if they existed, they’d be like that.”, her lips curved into a hint of a smile when she talked about them.

“ Too many ghosts in 7?”, he said bluntly. He knew that if Johanna was anything like him, then she’d hate fake sympathy and dancing around the bush about the subject as much as he did.

She nodded, “Yeah. They killed my family there. So many years of training led to absolutely nothing.”

“ I know how that feels.”

She looked up.

“To have blood on your hands.”, He looked at his hands, “ I don’t think I need to explain how.”

“ You don’t.”, she assured, “ I’m not gonna say that it isn’t your fault because I know that no matter how many times I say that it won’t change anything.”

He smiled, “Finally. “

Johanna raised a brow.

“Finally someone who gets it!”

“ I guess we have more in common than either of us like Hawthorne.”

“ Oh I’d rather it be you than someone like Snow.”

“You should be careful what you wish for.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Soo, how was it?”, Katniss raised her brows in a goofy manner.

Peeta was shaking his head, hand pressed against his forehead. Expression saying something along the lines of, _Oh Dear God give me strength to deal with this_

Gale found himself blushing even though nothing had happened. They had talked, agreed to meet again and bid farewell, “ It was nice.”

Katniss looked disappointed, “ That’s all you are going to give me?”

“Oh Gosh Katniss.”, he put a hand on her shoulder, “ I’m so sorry that I'm not as direct as you and Peeta were in the Games.”, he said wryly.

Katniss was stunned into silence.

Gale grinned.

Hawthorne- 2 : Everdeen- 0

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time they met, it was December 22nd. Johanna was staying in a rented apartment in District 12. Katniss and Peeta were planning on a party. They had invited Johanna, Annie and as many of their other friends they could gather.

Johanna had invited him to her apartment. He had brought a bottle of vodka, which was her request. She had insisted that they shouldn’t be formal, no need to dress up or look great. She said that this would help determine if they actually liked each other or if it was nothing more than a great first impression.

Things were moving fast but he didn’t mind. After years of a guessing game with Katniss called: ‘does she like me or is she just being nice?’ He appreciated the pace and clarity immensely.

He showed up to her door in grey cargo pants, a white shirt and his favorite black jacket.

He took a look at himself before ringing the doorbell.

“Hey.”, she smiled weakly as she opened the door, “Come in and make yourself at home.”

He noticed almost instantly that she was paler than usual but played along.

He slipped off his boots and hung his coat.

“Sit.”, she gestured at the couch.

He did, she went into the kitchen, “Tea?”

He hated tea, “Sure.”

She handed him a cup and he observed her, she was oddly quiet and slightly disheveled. They both sipped their tea, his attention locked on her and she looked at the wall.

He wondered if he had said something wrong on their first date, if he’d been too blunt.

Suddenly, they heard the rumble of thunder outside the window, saw a flash of lightning.

They both flinched.

 _Oh!_ , His eyes widened as the pieces came together.

He remembered what Katniss had told him, they had electrocuted her while she was drenched in water.

He wondered what he should do, If he was in her place what would he want? He would probably want to be left alone, he cleared his throat, “ I can go if you want, I won’t mind.”

She shook her head, “ I won’t let this damned storm ruin our date, I can’t let it win.”, she glared out the window.

“It won’t be ruined Jo. I can come back at a better time-”, He frowned, “Jo?”, he repeated it to his own surprise. How had the nickname been so natural? Like he had known her for years?

She grinned, causing a weird warmth to spread through him, “Jo?”

“Oh i’m sorry! I… I didn’t mean to-”

She pressed a hand against his lips, silencing him mid panic, “ I like it, it’s cute.”, She removed her hand, “Just like you.”

Gale’s face reddened, he looked away for a moment. Processing the new and foreign information, “ Cute? That’s… uh… that’s new.”

She turned her head to her side, “ No one’s ever called you cute? That’s depressing.”

“ Other than my Ma when I was a kid? I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone I met the standards of being cute.”

“But you are though!”, Johanna protested, “ You may be a soldier but you still blush and stutter around girls and I think that’s the cutest thing.”

Gale fidgeted, looked down, “ I don’t think it’ s with every girl Johanna.”, he looked up, met her gaze, “ I think it’s just you.”

Johanna’s eyes narrowed, a grin played on her lips, “ You got my attention now, go on.”

Gale found himself averting his gaze again, her’s was almost too piercing, “ I don’t know how to explain this but out of the 2 women i’ve fallen for in my life-”

Johanna snorted.

Gale smiled, “ You’re different Jo.”, he tested the name and when she didn’t protest, he continued, “ Katniss never talked about this stuff, she was too much like me. Rough and mature. Little to no communication. Madge was better at that… But i can’t be with her now can I?”, Gale let the familiar sting pass over, “ You’re the balance between both. You’re strong like Katniss but you aren’t afraid to talk like Madge.”

“You got this all in 2 days?”

Gale chuckled nervously, “Let’s just say after Katniss, communication became more important to me.”

Johanna smiled, “ Seems reasonable. She is a tough nut.”, She collected their cups and placed them in the sink, “I’m still impressed though.”

She sat down beside him, “ Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look while blushing?”

He covered his face, just when he thought he couldn’t blush any harder, “ Damn it.”

“Hey, it’s okay. No one’s judging you here. That’s why I wanted to do this. The shrink said I needed to break down some walls and I think maybe we both need to.”

Gale sighed, looking up at her, “ I know you do.”

Johanna playfully punched him in the shoulder, “ Shut up.”

“Ow!”, he rubbed his shoulder, “ You have quite the punch don’t you?”

“That I do.”

Suddenly the lights went out and Johanna shrieked.

He reached out for her, his hand landed on her shoulder, “Hey, hey it’s okay. I’m here, you’re safe.”

The darkness probably reminded her of the chambers too much.

He noted that she was trembling, “ I just need to find a candle or something okay? I’ll be right back.”, He wandered to the Kitchen and felt around with his hands, feeling helpless when he couldn’t find anything.

“It’s on top of the fridge.”, Her voice was frail.

Gale grabbed the flashlight and made his way back to the couch. He turned it on and set it on the coffee table.

“This sucks.”, Johanna stated.

“Am I that bad of a date?”, Gale asked.

He heard a chuckle, “ Did someone ever tell you that you’re a bit funny?”

“ You shouldn’t spoil a man too much Mason.”

“What’s the limit?”

Gale pondered for a moment, “ I don’t have one. I’m a simple man with simple pleasures.”

“ You wish.”

“Ouch.”

There was silence.

He reached out again, touching her shoulder, she was still trembling a bit, “ Hey, I can stay if you want me to?”

She nodded, “Please.”

Sleeping arrangements were made, Gale was going to sleep on the couch, Johanna in her bedroom. Gale had told her that she shouldn’t be afraid to wake him if she needed something.

Johanna’s couch was surprisingly comfortable. It was big and soft. She had provided a large pillow and warm blanket for the night. Gale was on his back, after a moment of struggle, he closed his eyes and let his thoughts slow.

_“Take him to the square!”, The peacekeeper yelled._

_They grabbed his arms and dragged him._

_He didn’t protest when they locked his wrists to the pole. He was not going to show him fear._

_“Regret anything yet?”, The peacekeeper lowered himself to Gale’s level as he whipped the ground, cold eyes gazing into Gale’s own._

_Gale growled, spat in the peacekeeper’s face._

_The crowd gasped._

_He regretted it almost instantly when the first strike connected with his back, a sharp pain that stung._

_Gale tensed, prepared himself._

_It was all of no use when the peacekeeper decided that he was going to whip Gale in short bursts of speed._

_Gale’s fists clenched, the horrid sound rung in his ears._

_His whole back was burning but at the same time he struggled to keep his eyes open._

_The veins in his neck stuck out as he groaned and cried out in pain. Each whip striking an old wound, making it deeper._

_“ It’s time to go Gale.”_

_Gale looked over his shoulder._

_Prim held the whip now._

_He looked at the crowd, their faces morphed, turned into mutilated, burned corpses. He saw Madge._

_“N-no!”_

_Her blonde hair caught on fire, her skin burned. But she watched him intently, a twisted, satisfied grin on her face._

_Prim whipped him, the expression on her face remaining stoic._

_White dots danced in front of his vision. He gasped for breath, “No, stop, run, p-please.”, he hollered when it connected with his back again._

_He saw the Mellarks, they looked at him with apathy as they dissolved into nothing. Watched as the rest of them did the same._

_The ring of fire surrounded him again._

_It caught on Prim’s dress, slithered around her until he could see nothing but her eyes._

_His body was in a numbed state of pain but his mind was racing._

_The fire made his eyes water, he could smell burnt corpses. The smoke clogged his throat. It caught onto his legs first, made its way up his back but this time he didn’t yell. He closed his eyes and accepted his fate. He was too tired now, this was how it ended._

Gale gasped for breath, he looked around the room with wide eyes. He stared confused for a moment as to where he was. He held his hair, pulled at it and groaned helplessly.

“You have them too?”

Gale jumped and turned around.

Johanna looked at him, leaned in the doorway of her room.

Gale wiped the sweat off his forehead, “ All the time.”

She nodded, “ You think you can sleep again?”

Gale shook his head, “ Not a chance.”

“We got in a good 4 hours.”

Gale looked at her shocked, “ Four hours? That’s a record.”

She nodded her head towards her bedroom, “ Wanna come in?”

She let Gale onto the bed, She rested her head on his chest. Traced patterns along his clothed abdomen.

They didn’t feel the need to talk.

He played with her hair, braiding strands, running his hand through them to undo it only to repeat the motion.

She looked up at him, the small bits of light coming through the closed blinds cast unique shadows across her face.

He pressed his hand against her cheek out of curiosity, she leaned into the touch, eyes not leaving his.

Her hand snakes up his body to grab his jaw. She sits on top of him, looking down at him. His Adam's apple bobbs as he gulps. She places her other hand on his chest, traces over it with a gentle touch, watching as his breathing quickens as she does. His heartbeat steadily rises.

Johanna lowers herself and cautiously brushes their lips together. He leans into it, needing no more conformation. She kisses him gently, begins rubbing his sides. It’s slow, there’s no hurry to rip each other’s clothes off, there’s no pleasure that they’re chasing after.

His hands go to her hair, pull at it lightly to bring her back in when she pulls away. He smiles into the kiss when her hand teasingly goes under his shirt.

They break apart with a content look on their faces. She rests her head on his chest. Pulls the blanket over them. She listens to his steady heartbeat. He appreciates the weight on his body. It keeps him grounded to reality. Adores the fact that her head fits perfectly under his chin.

“G’night Jo.”, he mumbles lazily. Drunk off of happiness.

“Goodnight cutie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the kiss wasn't cringey for you! Romance has never been my strong suite.


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gale ponders about how far he’s come, coming to terms with his guilt, accepting that his mental health wasn’t the best but still finding a reason to live. Coming back to District 12 and trying to piece back together the shards of broken glass of his friendship with Katniss that he was responsible for breaking, it hurts more often than he'd like to admit and he knows that the end result won’t be as perfect as the friendship they had before the Games but it was better than the hollow emptiness he had felt in his chest for 7 years in that friendship’s place.

Gale wakes up later than usual. He doesn’t open his eyes or make any effort to get out of bed. This feels too nice. He can see the orange of the sunlight dance behind his eyelids. Johanna feels like a bundle of warmth, a small weight on his chest. Her hand grips his side, her leg draped over him, she’s clearly not used to sharing a bed.

He smiles, maybe he’s earned happiness or maybe this is a small stint and he’d return to his 7 year streak of misery with small drops of happiness. It doesn’t matter anymore, he’d willingly suffer for that long if she was the light at the end of the tunnel.

Gale Hawthorne may be stoic and reserved but he could never handle his emotions when it mattered, when it came to loving someone, whether it was loving Prim like a sister or loving Katniss as his partner. He thought that she would be the one that would be his motivation, he didn’t know that Peeta was her’s.

Gale remembered clearly when his heartache had overwhelmed him. He had cried quietly behind his house when Katniss and Peeta’s kisses no longer felt fake. He remembered their words.

_‘Nobody needs me’_

_‘I need you’_

That was the first time Gale had seen true love, in it’s best form, but he had always wished that he’d be on the receiving end. He had watched them in the square, rushed behind his house and let his tears loose. Had wondered if everything she told him was a lie, that he should have taken her and run away. He had hated himself that day, for being so weak.

Then his mom’s hand had gently run her hand through his hair, he had tried to stop the gasps for her sake but he couldn’t. She had just hugged him, told him it was okay, his tears had soaked through her shirt, it was cold outside and she hadn’t complained once. Just reassured him. When Gale had finally managed to get it together, she smiled down at him, “ _You wear your heart on your sleeve Gale, just like your old man.”_

The more he thinks about it the more it makes sense. Although this way, love is more fulfilling but heartbreak would shatter him. He shakes off the thought, he would enjoy whatever he had, if they broke up then the bar wasn’t too far away, he’d drown his feelings.

“What are you thinking?”, a croaky voice asks.

He looks down and is startled for a moment by large blue eyes, “Nothing.”

“You didn’t look so thoughtful while making plans to attack the capitol.”

Gale winces, “Okay… I was thinking about the first time my heartbroke.”

Johanna nods, rubs her eyes, “Cool, want breakfast?”

She makes scrambled eggs, he doesn't like owing debts so he washes the dishes.

“You don’t have to do that you know?”, she says looking at him through the corner of his eye.

“Should I stop?”

She pauses and for some reason he knows she's grinning, “No.”

She places the eggs on a table, it only had 2 chairs, it's too small for Gale, his knees press against the table awkwardly. He takes a small bite, tests the flavour on his tongue, “This is good.”

“Thanks, I didn’t think it would work.”

Gale laughs at her blunt honesty.

He doesn’t want to leave but he knew he has to eventually, his smile disappears.

“Have to go?”

He looks up, “Yeah.”

She smiles, it’s kind, rather than the mocking grin and he's surprised for a moment, “You’re like an open book sometimes. “

Gale frowns, “ Maybe but only around people I trust.”

Her eyes widen a bit, “ You trust me?”

He feels a pang of pain at how surprised she sounds. Like not many people tell her that.

Then there’s a wry look on her face again, covering any other emotion as a mask effectively, “ How do you know that I don’t sleep with an axe at night?”

“Jo, we literally slept together.”

There’s a hint of a blush on her face and he cherishes it, “ You said you have to go right? I don’t have all day.”, she manages, trying not to break into a smile.

Gale raises his hands, “Hey, if you want me to stay I can stay, Prim’s tea party can wait-”

Johanna gasps, “ Don’t you dare make _her_ wait because of me!”

Gale gets to his feet and pulls on his boots, “Okay, see you soon?”

He turns around to greet her and reels back when she crushes him with a hug.

His heart flutters.

She lets him go and his face is turning red.

She smiles, crossed her arms. A competitive glint in her eyes.

His eyes narrow, this had turned into a contest. Who could fluster the other one more often, his lip twitches into a smile.

He’d _happily_ lose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katniss’s eyes stare right through him, a small smile on her lips.

Prim is at her friend’s house.

Peeta had gone to the market.

They are seated on the couch, a safe distance between them.

It was excruciatingly hard not to make eye contact with her. He focuses on the TV which is currently playing cringey advertisements.

“So… you stayed the night?”

“Shut up.”, he buries his hands in his face, had he lost control over his emotions over time? He used to be good at hiding this stuff but that felt like years ago.

“Did anything happen?”, her tone is suggestive.

“For god’s sake it was our second date!”

“Hey i’m not judging, usually when someone stays the night-”  
Gale wants to disappear, he groans.

She elbows him, “C’mon, you can tell me!”

“We kissed.”, he says quickly, unable to resist the grey eyes locked onto him.

Suddenly she’s right beside him, effectively scaring Gale, “Really? How was it? Did she kiss you back?”

Now he knows where Prim had gotten the tendency to bombard him with questions, “ I’m not telling. What if she doesn’t want me too-”

“Fine, I’ll ask her myself.”

Silence envelopes them for a moment, Katniss returns to her end of the couch. They both watch TV.

The doorbell rings, “I’ll get it.”, Katniss confirms.

Prim dumps her backpack by the door and rushes to him, she jumps onto him, “Gale!”Suddenly she was lowering his arms that had raised instinctually to protect himself, she grabs his face, squishing his cheeks, “ Where were you? I missed you!”

“Missed you too Princess.”, he mumbles.

Then she wraps her arms around his neck, he could smell the baby oil in her hair, “ I love you.”

“Love you too, now what do you want?” , he knew that she definitely wants something, she never confesses her love without asking for something.

“I got homework and I don’t know how to do it.”

“Go upstairs and clean yourself up, I’ll help you there.”

When she leaves, Katniss is looking at him foundly, her lips pulled into a smile, “ She really does love you.”

Gale scratches his neck, “ It tends to run in the family.”

Katniss laughs, she stops momentarily only to look at him and the mocking grin on his face and laugh again. Maybe Johanna's sense of humour is rubbing off on him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s the last day before the party, Gale and Peeta are scrambling to finish the decorations, move any furniture that needs to be moved. Katniss is planning what food needed to be made, giving orders. Prim is decorating the tree, looking it over whenever she thinks it’s done and then frowning and moving one ornament.

They hear the baby wail, “I’ll go.”, Peeta says quickly and rushes into the baby’s room.

Gale strains as he tries to pick up a box, he curses under his breath. What was in there? He opens it out of curiosity. He pulled out a black dress, his eyes widened, it was the one that caught on fire. He caught a glimpse of a bow and arrow. He shakes his head as he puts the dress back in the box and pushes it into a corner.

“Gale?”, he turns around and Prim holds a glass angel in her hands, “ I need help.”, she points to the top of the tree.

“I think you should ask your dad, I’m kind of busy-”, Gale doesn’t want to steal that moment from Peeta.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Gale’s brows furrow, “ Why?”

“Because you’re taller.”

Gale gapes at her.

“Ouch.”

Gale quickly turned his head, “Peeta-”

Peeta smiles, “She’s got a point.”

Gale walks to the tree. He raises her up onto his shoulders, holds her arms so she wouldn’t fall off. She raises the angel on top of the tree. He smiles, peers up at her and twirls experimentally, she latches onto his shirt and yelpes.

“Guys.”, Katniss calles.

Gale turns around.

“Dinner’s ready.", Katniss's smile doesn’t reach her eyes, instead he notices that they are sad.

He sets Prim down and she rushes into the kitchen to get the first serving.

He places an arm on her shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

She shakes her head, eyes tearing up, “ Nothing, it’s just… the last time I saw you carrying someone like that it was…”, she took in a sharp breath, “My sister.”, her voice cracks on the last words.

Gale averts his gaze, gulpes. He remembers what she is talking about. He doesn’t know what to say or do. The horrible guilt swells in his chest again, he can’t decide between sobbing or punching through a wall, “ It should have been me.”, he says quietly, honestly, “She deserved to live, she wanted to live-”, he takes a deep breath, “ No matter how many times I say sorry it won’t be enough.”

“It wasn’t your fault, You didn’t know.”

“I could have said no Katniss.”, he looks at the ground again.

He knew she’s looking at him with pity, like he was a wounded puppy. He has grown to hate that look. That was the look she had after the peacekeeper had whipped him. When she had kissed him and he had told her it’ll pass, he never wanted her pity, it stung worse than any injury.

“Let’s not reopen old wounds Gale.”, she says solemnly, “ Whatever happened in the past, we can’t change it now but we can try and live with what we have.”

He nods, “I’ll come in a sec.”

The Mellarks and Gale enjoy dinner wholeheartedly. Peeta and Katniss both worked together on the meal, which they did every once in a while. Peeta’s bread with Katniss’s soups filled with a variety of herbs. Gale had bought meat from the market, it felt odd that he wasn’t taking it out of his snares.

Prim falls asleep on the couch, Katniss carries her to her room upstairs.

Peeta stays for a few more minutes, “ Goodnight Gale, Big day tomorrow.”

He stares at the ceiling, tries to figure out why he can’t sleep. Katniss has told him that it wasn’t his fault, maybe it wasn’t but he can’t accept that, he’s embedded that into the fiber of his being, that he wouldn’t make any excuses. He was a soldier, angry, calculative and willing to do whatever it took to overthrow the Capitol, an evil power that had been abusing them for entertainment for as long as he can remember. He had forgotten the cost of war, that more innocents died than soldiers, that at the end of the day, the people of both sides had blood on his hands.

The first weeks after the revolution were the worst, his workplace had given him a month off even though he didn’t want it. It was just him with his thoughts, thoughts that scared him more than being selected in the games. He remembers wishing that Katniss had shot him during the war. When the peacekeepers had snaked around him and disarmed him, when the they were taking him away to torture him, extract information. It was their silent vow, that if one of them was caught, the other would kill them before the capitol could scramble their brains and scar their bodies. He remembered his chest tightening when their eyes met, his eyes were pleading but the huntress’s arrow never pointed to him, he remembered the dread settling in the pit of his stomach, she couldn’t shoot him, he was family.

He thinks about it sometimes, imagining that she shoots him in the heart, which would have been ironic in it’s own sense, the girl that stole his heart to be the one that ceased it’s beating. He imagines falling backwards, the peacekeepers recoiling, leaving him because they know that he won’t last long enough. Having a proud smile on his lips, knowing that he didn’t give in. Fierce grey eyes meeting his own one last time, before the memories of a mostly miserable life, Working tirelessly to feed his family. An unexplored romance with the Mayor’s daughter. Falling in love with the one girl who could never love him back. Fighting for what he believed in and knowing that he would succeed in the end. Followed by peace.

Gale would have died a hero, he wouldn’t have had the blood of the one girl he had vowed to protect on his hands.

Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night, sweaty, panting for breath and feeling scared. Followed by the guilt that weighed down on him every day, causing a permanent slump in his shoulders, the life in his eyes to dull. He would associate death with peace, not mauled by his conscience and guilt. He wasn’t suicidal, just sometimes dying didn’t sound that bad.

He also thought that he deserved to be punished, to sit in jail with all the sick bastards who helped with The Games and feel like he has accounted for what he did, he couldn’t care less about being painted a hero because he wasn’t one. One of the last heroes he can remember is Finnick Odair, who in his last moments did something selfless, not because of a fire of rage burning in him, not because he had to but because it was the right thing to do. He can only wish that his partner would have the same look of pride in her eyes as Annie, she never could, he wouldn’t let her.

Gale ponders about how far he’s come, coming to terms with his guilt, accepting that his mental health wasn’t the best but still finding a reason to live was an accomplishment. Coming back to District 12 and trying to piece back together the shards of broken glass of his friendship with Katniss that he was responsible for breaking, it hurts sometimes, a lot actually and he knows that the end result won’t be as perfect as the friendship they had before but it was better than the hollow emptiness he had felt in his chest for 7 years in that friendship’s place.

He lets himself appreciate the accomplishment. Acknowledge that he has earned at least this. He’s trying now, to redeem himself, a few months ago, he couldn’t even fathom the thought. He was too busy drowning himself in guilt and anger.

He closes his eyes, knowing that the nightmares will come but now he knows that even the small fraction of the immunity of fear he has built up is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that we aren't any where near Christmas but it just felt right. Comments and Kudos are appreciated! Hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	6. Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Plus, I think we have something in common.”
> 
> Gale frowns, his brows furrow.
> 
> Haymitch laughs at his expression, he points his glass to Peeta and Katniss, “ If anyone, ever does anything to hurt them, we both would hunt them down.”, the look in his eyes is serious, there is no humor in them, which is unusual.
> 
> Gale looks at the couple.
> 
> Peeta is waving his hands frantically as he tells a story to a group of people that consists of more than half of the party, Katniss is seated beside him, smiling from ear to ear. Listening as intently as everyone else.
> 
> “ Damn right I would.”, Gale says as he meets the older man’s gaze.
> 
> Haymitch nods, it’s almost like a promise, between the 2 of them. Sealed by their word and Gale knows that both of them have made mistakes, countless mistakes and have broken these promises but he was assured that this was one that they both intended on keeping.

Gale doesn’t sleep for too long that night. Wishes that he could just go to Johanna’s apartment and hold her again. He knows he shouldn’t get attached to her so quickly but he can’t help it, he’s drawn towards her, there’s a constant nagging in his brain that commands him to find her, the only way he can describe it is that he’s addicted to her. To her wry smiles and dry humor, to her fiery eyes, her stubbornness and how she always wants to be in control. He smiles goofily. A weird crooked one that he only used to save for Katniss when they were in the woods, ‘ _You look like a madman_.’, she used to tell him, ‘ _You know you love it_ ‘, he used to reply.

He closes his eyes, lets his mind amble aimlessly through the found memories. He doesn’t visit them very often. They are always blocked by the sour memories, ones he visits too often. He doesn’t remember them very clearly, they seem like a distant event that occured in another lifetime. He remembers the woods, a few blissful moments of peace before returning to feeding his family and the disgust that he felt towards the Capitol and it’s messed up antics to be entertained.

He journeys further. Remembers the serene beauty of Madge’s face. Remembers when Posey tied the ‘friendship bracelet’ around her wrist and declared that Madge is her best friend. He remembers how she turned to him and how her smile broadened enough to almost reach her ears, it’s pure, for once it reaches her eyes. He remembers how her hand used to brush against his teasingly when he handed her the basket of strawberries. Once they reached the woods, her long fingers would weave through his own, her palm soft against his own calloused one. He remembers the one time when he was sitting with his guard lowered and she decided to massage his shoulders, nimbly making her way through the knots. He had quickly moved away, looked at her with confusion and disdain.‘ _You don’t have to be strong in front of me Gale_.’ , she had whispered. He had let her continue, his shoulders had slumped, his eyes locked with hers and the sun had shone on her, made her blonde hair shine like gold.

Gale admits to himself that he never got over Madge and perhaps he never would. The possibility would always bother him. What if she lived? _What if I told her I loved her too_? He imagines that they would have stuck together in 13. That he would tell her, they would kiss. After the war they would have gotten married. It always hurts that all this never happened. But Gale is sure that somehow she knew. When she used to look at him there was no doubt in her eyes, she was smart that way, always 3 steps ahead of Gale.

Today Gale admits that part of his heart died with her.

He promises himself to dedicate the party that’s left to Johanna for as long as she wants him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peeta comes downstairs to check if Gale is awake at 6 am and is momentarily startled when he finds grey eyes staring back at him, “ Morning.”, he greets with a raised brow, “ You don’t look like you got much sleep.”

“I didn’t.”, Gale replies bluntly.

Peeta’s lips curve into a smile, ‘Talk like that to all our guests and we won’t have a party!”

Gale grunts as he stretches his shoulders, “ I just need coffee, You need anything from the market?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Mellarks and Gale wait nervously for all the guests to arrive. Peeta explains that they never hosted parties, that this was a first for them. They had feverishly checked over everything dozens of times since morning. Katniss had checked on the decorations, Peeta on the food and Gale had made sure that he had bought enough groceries.

Now they are seated in the living room, the mood is far from happy.

“It’s Christmas mom, live a little!”, Prim whines.

Gale chuckles.

Katniss looks flagbustered, “ Where did you learn that?”

“Gale.”

Katniss glares at him and he clears his throat, Peeta laughs heartily and both pairs of stormy eyes turn to glare at him, Peeta raises his hands in surrender, a small smile on his lips, “ You know…”, he begins, “ You two should have been interrogators, could have gotten people to surrender without saying a word.”

Gale breaks first, a small smile forming on his lips, “ Nah that wouldn’t work, It’s good cop bad cop. Not bad cop and worse cop.”

“That’s a horrible joke.”, Katniss quips.

“Who’s worse?”, Prim asks, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

Gale’s smile broadens, “Your mother of course.”

Katniss playfully slaps him on the shoulder, no longer able to restrain a smile.

The bell rings and the smile disappears as quickly as it had come. Prim rushes to the door and Gale follows closely.

The woman in the doorway has flowing red hair and charming green eyes. She holds a gift in one hand and her son’s hand in the other. He hides behind his mother’s leg, he’s a splitting image of his father, blonde hair and blue eyes.

He looks up again, “ Annie.”

“ Glad you recognized me.”, she smiles, “ You on the other hand, look like another person completely.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, come in.”

He lets her in. Lucas refuses to let go of his mother, he’s shy and Gale wonders where he got it from, the Finnick he remembers was known for how charming he was but Gale knew he didn’t know the man enough to make the call.

He closes the door.

Annie embraces Peeta first, they share a similar pain in their eyes and then Katniss, who jokes that it’s been too long since there was another woman in the house.

Gale watches Prim as she approaches Lucas, “Hi.”

There’s no reply.

“Can you talk?”

He nods.

“Then why don’t you?”

A small smile forms on the kid’s lips, “ Cause I don’t want to.”

“Fair enough. I’m Prim.”

“Lucas.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Same here.”

There’s only a few moments of silence before the two are running around the house, screaming and laughing. Annie and Katniss both share the same apologetic smile. Gale doesn’t mind, he reasons that they are kids and that’s what kids are supposed to do. Kids shouldn’t have to worry about dying when they’re 12 years old. He lets the bitter thought wash over him, senses a snippet of the old him in it. Cold, calculative and bitter with a flame in him that was passionate to make the world a better place.

By 10 pm the house is full. Members of the District, old friends and allies from the rebellion, all have filled the house to a brim. But the one guest Gale actually cares about hasn’t arrived yet. He takes another sip of the hot chocolate in his hands, he has no intention of drinking the booze, the last time he drank, it didn’t end well.

“Want a glass.”, a gruff voice says from behind him.

Gale jumps and quickie turns around. Haymitch stares at him, expression impassive, “I won’t ask again.”

“No.”

Haymitch shrugs, “More for me.” and drinks the glass in one go, “ I thought you went to 2.”

“ I thought you’d be dead by now.”

Haymitch smiles but it’s anything but kind, “ You’re a witty one.”

Gale doesn’t like Haymitch, he never did. He’s the one that came up with the idea that Peeta and Katniss should pretend to love each other, He’s the one that caused the years of heartache and pain. Gale also felt that somewhere along the line, he never tried to ensure that his tributes would win, that he sent them into the games like a weak animal was sent to the Butcher. But he can’t deny that he saved Peeta and Katniss, that he became their father figure.

He has a feeling Haymitch doesn’t like him either, Gale had inevitably raised questions about the validity of the star crossed lover’s relationship when he kissed Katniss and that had endangered them.

“Why did you come back?”, he takes a sip of his wine.

“ Am I not allowed too?”,Gale can’t stop himself from being spiteful, it’s like an instinct. Gale grimances, shakes his head and rubs his brow, “ I’m sorry, this isn’t your fault.”  
Haymitch smiles, “You don’t like me, I don’t like you. We have our reasons but hey it’s Christmas and at least we’re trying our best.”, Haymitch raises his glass, “Cheers to that.”

Gale gently clinks his cup with the delicate wine glass, “Cheers.”

“Plus, I think we have something in common.”

Gale frowns, his brows furrow.

Haymitch laughs at his expression, he points his glass to Peeta and Katniss, “ If anyone, ever does anything to hurt them, we both would hunt them down.”, the look in his eyes is serious, there is no humor in them, which is unusual.

Gale looks at the couple.

Peeta is waving his hands frantically as he tells a story to a group of people that consists of more than half of the party, Katniss is seated beside him, smiling from ear to ear. Listening as intently as everyone else.

“ _Damn_ right I would.”, Gale says as he meets the older man’s gaze.

Haymitch nods, it’s almost like a promise, between the 2 of them. Sealed by their word and Gale knows that both of them have made mistakes, countless mistakes and have broken these promises but he was assured that this was one that they both intended on keeping.

“Talk to you later.’, Haymithc pats him on the shoulder, before pushing his way through the crowd, towards Effie.

The bell rings and since Gale is the closest to the door, he opens it. Relief rushes over him, “Hey.”

Johanna smirks, “ You miss me?”

“How would I not?”, he mumbles as she pulls his shirt and presses a chaste kiss to his lips.

“ Merry Christmas.”, she beams, smiling.

“Where’s my gift?”, he asks teasingly.

“ _I’m_ your gift.”

He raises his brows, “Then this is the best gift ever.”

“That’s too cheesy for you to say Hawthorne.”, She quips, letting herself in.

“ Can’t you just accept the compliment for once?”

“ I will when you mean it.”

“Ouch.”

Johanna sticks her tongue out to him before turning and hugging Lucas. She ruffles his hair affectionately and he fills her in on everything at incredible speed of talking. With her, he’s not shy. Gale notes that he refers to her as ‘Aunt Johanna’.

The party goes on. Gale drifts from one group to another. Ask them how the party is, if they need anything. Effie is the most pleased when he asks her, she squeals with delight, “ Chivalry is not dead! Couldn’t you show me some once in a while Haymitch?”, Gale smiles but can’t hide the confusion on his face.

He's heading to Lucas and Prim with a bowl of cookies when he sees a familiar figure through the corner of his eye, the man is burly and has a few inches on Gale in height. The Woman has caramel hair and green eyes. Gale tenses. He places the bowl on a side table and his hands turn into fists. His jaw clenches.

The man, Josh, has a look of urgency on his face. He holds a box in his hands. Gale prepares for anything, a punch, a kick, maybe even a tackle. Instead Josh holds out the box to Gale, his eyes glued to the ground.

Gale doesn’t make any move, “What do you want?”, he snaps.

Josh visibly struggles to form an answer, his lips move but no words come out. He looks back at his wife who has a stern look on her face, she mouths the words, ‘Go.”. He’s about to answer when Peeta rushes over, “Josh! How are you?”

Josh smiles, “ I’m alright.”

“Gale, this is Josh. He used to work at the bakery with me, we were in the same class too-”, Peeta stops when he sees the look of murder in Gale’s eyes as they are locked onto Josh. Peeta looks at Josh, he looks apologetic and guilty, “Do you know each other?”

“Yes.”, Josh answers.

“How, I don’t remember introducing you to each other-”

“You didn’t.”, Gale interrupts. Knuckles turning white from clenching them so hard.  
“Will someone explain?”

“Well, we were at the bar and when my wife gets drunk, she, uh, she gets a little flirty-”

“A _little_?”

“She gets very flirty and she went and started flirting with him and uh, he said no but I thought he was flirting with her. So I hit him and it turned into a fist fight, he even insisted on leaving but I uh didn’t get the hint, so we got into a fight and I may have given him a bruise-”

“You gave me a _fucking_ concussion!”, Gale growls.

“That was you?”, Peeta says, face paling. He’s thankful that the music is loud enough to cover their conversation.

“Yeah.”

Peeta remembers how distraught Gale was for a week. He remembers how Gale had barely made it back to the house. How he was dizzy and nauseous. Slipping in and out of consciousness, horrible headaches, it was bad, Peeta turned around, “ Calm down, What he did was wrong but we have to move on.”

Gale’s eyes move to him and Peeta silences himself. He has never seen Gale like this, absolutely enraged. On the verge of snapping and Peeta doesn’t know what to do, he wonders if he should call Katniss, he doesn’t want this to end in disaster.

Josh pushes past Peeta, “I’m sorry.”

Gale’s rage lessens minutely, “What?”

“I’m sorry man, I was drunk and stupid. I thought you were hitting on my wife, I thought that- It doesn’t matter what I thought, I shouldn’t have done that and I can't make it up to you and I…I’m sorry.”

Gale finds it really hard to stay enraged, his shoulders slump, “Fine.”

Josh smiles ruefully, “ I hope you like pie?”, He holds up the box again.

Gale takes it from him and opens it and there is indeed, apple pie in the box, “Thanks.”, he says after a moment's delay.

“ It’s the least I can do and I had a question, how did you do that headlock thing? It looks like a handy move to have.”  
Gale can’t suppress his smile, “ Can’t reveal my secrets now can I? “

“ Yeah?”, Josh snorts, “just in case I get too drunk again?”

“Just in case you get too drunk again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haymitch and Johanna are at the bar, Gale wonders if they are having a drinking competition. A small group of the younger generation are playing, would you rather? Gale finds some of the questions to be horrifying.

Suddenly Effie gets to her feet,she finds a spoon and taps her glass, “Attention, attention everyone!”

Gale shakes off the memory of where he’s heard that before.

“SInce there is a very good looking group here today, I would propose that you all partner up and let’s enjoy a slow dance!”

Of course, Gale almost rolls his eyes. His eyes lock with Johanna’s, she is shaking her head, her expression the remisant of, ‘Don’t even think about it.’. Gale smirks.

The music starts. It’s jazz, an old type of music of a time before the games. I

“C’mon everybody.”, Effie drags Haymitch to the center, he huffs before placing his hand on her waist and gently swaying to the music. They press their foreheads together. Peeta and Katniss are next, they don’t sway as gracefully but they have fun. Annie comes with a friend. He’s surprised when he sees Prim bringing a flustered Lucas into the crowd but they do their own thing, they hold hands and sway from side to side, Gale’s heart melts.

Gale looks at Johanna expectantly. She shakes her head and takes another drink. Gale gets up from the couch and makes it over to her in a few quick strides. He places an arm under her legs. Johanna raised a brow.

“What are you-Gale!”, She screams as he sweeps her off the ground effortlessly. Johanna squirms he threatningly loosens his grip and her hand clutches his shirt, “ Fine! Fine, you win! I’ll dance with you.”, Her cheeks are red, There’s a smile on her lips.

“You look beautiful.”

She blushes even harder.

He smiles as he carries her through the crowd. Gale sets her gently onto the ground, he grips her waist, her hand goes behind his neck and they sway gently to the music.  
“I hate you.”, She says quietly.

“I know.”

She laughs.

He lowers his head, presses their foreheads together. He knows that she hasn’t been to district 7 in years but her sweater still smells like a forest, like home. She smells like nature after it rains. He knows that he subconsciously pulled her closer. The smile disappears from her lips, she looks up at him curiously, “ You brave enough Hawthorne?”

Gale smirks, “ You know I am.”

He kisses her gently, his eyes close. Her hands go into his hair and holds his head in place. He pulls away when his ears are filled with sounds of whistles, whoops and applause.

He looks around, Haymitch winks at him, Effie is shaking with excitement, Annie was the one who had whistled. Peeta looks surprised and Katniss has a smug grin on her face. He looks back at Johanna and her expression is clear, affection. There’s a soft smile on her lips, a light in her eyes.

“I might want to keep you Hawthorne.”, she grins, “ Don’t do anything stupid, it’ll stay that way.”

“ I’ll try, no promises though. I tend to do something stupid once in a while. You know, get it out of the system. “

She chuckles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s 1 am. A chunk of the people, including Annie and Lucas have left. But not enough to stifle the get together. The conversation is still boisterous and full of life. Gale smiles through the rest of the night. Johanna leans on his chest as they indulge in a conversation with Haymitch and Effie, who is adamant on giving dating advice, mostly directed to Gale, who is not listening very closely.

Johanna excuses herself to go to the washroom.

Gale notices a small group of people in the doorway, he mumbles that he’ll go see who it is and approaches him. He notices that one of them is walking towards him, Gale notices that he’s around the same height as Gale, only a few inches shorter.

Gale freezes.

His face pales.

The boy who looks back at him has dark hair pulled back in a bun, his enraged eyes are grey, his skin is olive colored, his lips are pressed in a tight line and his fists are clenched.

“Rory.”, Gale breathes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josh was a character who turned into an Easter egg and I thought I'd try the cliff hanger thing but don't worry, I won't make you wait for too long. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Comments and Kudos are appreciated and if you see any spelling mistakes, don't be afraid to mention them. Happy reading.


	7. Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He feels an odd numbness, like he has nothing in him anymore.
> 
> 'Please.", Rory rasps, "Please stay."
> 
> Gale doesn't hug him back. But he feels the emotion stirring in him again, almost as if a dead machine was coming back to life, the gears turning and clicking.
> 
> "Our family isn't complete without you, it never was."
> 
> Gale can feel the warmth in his chest.
> 
> "Please."
> 
> Gale feels the fire in his chest, the fire of passion, protectiveness, love.
> 
> Gale's hand goes to Rory's back.
> 
> The fire filled the aching, cold gap he had carried within him for too long. The fire that had died with Prim.

  
The boy who looks back at him has dark hair pulled back in a bun, his enraged eyes are grey, his skin is olive colored, his lips are pressed in a tight line and his fists are clenched.

"Rory.", Gale breathes out. His heart is hammering against his chest. He doesn't know what to think or do.

Rory is still walking towards him.

Gale feels panic clawing at his brain.

"Rory?", he says louder. It's been too long since that name left his lips. Since he's seen him. Since he's seen them. His eyes go back to the group, he sees a girl, her hair in a ponytail, her expression matching her brother's.

_Posy_

She's taller now, Gale counts the years that have passed, She's 12.

His attention goes back to Rory.

He sees his arm swing back and then his head is snapping back with the force of the blow. His head is spinning, there's something dripping out of his nose, it's warm and tastes salty on his lips, it's blood.

He looks up, Rory's brows are furrowed, there's tears in his eyes, " I deserved that.", he says quietly.

"You left us.", Rory yells, grabs his collar, " How could you just leave us?!"

Gale doesn't have any answers, his mind is still registering Rory's features.

"You promised that you would take care of us, that you wouldn't leave us. Gale? Gale answer me!"

He remembers a lanky frame and crooked smile. He remembers a glint of mischief in Rory's eyes. He doesn't see any of that now, he sees a healthy boy with fire in his eyes.

Gale can feel all of the sets of eyes staring at them but he doesn't care. It's been too long since he's seen his family for him to care about what people thought of him.

7 Years Ago

_Gale's foot taps impatiently as he waits for his mother to answer the phone. He's going to District 2, he can't go back to 12, he can't bear the thought of having to confront her and the place that's filled with the memories of Prim._

_"Hello?", A confused voice asks._

_"Ma, it's Gale."_

_"Gale, where are you? Are you okay-"_

_"Ma, i'm fine."_

_" Oh thank god, when are you coming?"_

_" Yeah about that... I'm going to District 2-"_

_"What Why?"_

_"They need me there, I need to help build New Panem, it's only a few months and it pays well, more than the mines ever could. I'll send you checks, I promise."_

_"Okay.", she didn't sound convinced at all._

_"I need you to pack my stuff okay? I'll come and grab it tomorrow?"_

_"Okay." , her voice is trembling._

_"Okay, bye."_

Rory calls his name, bringing Gale back to the present.

"Gale?", Rory's eyes are pleading him for an answer.

Gale's hand is shaky as it reaches out and rests on his shoulder, " I'm sorry."

_"Guys! Guys, I'm not going forever.", Gale says as his siblings cling to him like a lifeline. He's seated on the couch, Posy is on his lap, hugging him, Vick clings to his arm. Rory stands in the distance with his arms crossed, a look of fury on his face._

_Posy has tears in her eyes as she looks at him, "Don't leave, please."_

_Gale ruffles her hair, " I have to princess. They need my help!"_

_" Who's gonna do my hair? Who's going to help with my homework? Who's going to read me bedtime stories? Huh? We need you here!", Posey says in one breath._

_" You don't want Panem to stay as it is, do you?"_

_"No."_

_"Then I have to go, Posey. I need to help make the world a better place, for you guys, for all of us."_

_"Fine.", Posey states, " But you have to make a promise."_

_"Anything."_

_"Promise that you'll come back no matter what."_

_"I promise.", he presses a kiss to her cheek, "Okay?"_

_"Okay."_

_He has placed his bags in the vehicle waiting outside._

_He hugs his mom. She smiles, "Be good okay? Stay healthy, get enough sleep, call us once in a while."_

_"I will."_

_She presses a kiss to his forehead, " Now go say bye to Rory, he hasn't said a word since he found out."_

_Gale nods, "Bye."_

_"Bye."_

_He heads to the corner of the house, there's a small space between their house and their neighbor's house. Rory stands there, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. There's a scowl on his face but Gale can see that his eyes are red. He's been crying._

_"Hey.", Gale says softly as he approaches._

_"Go away."_

_Gale stops for a moment, " I'm about to but we have to talk.", he continues cautiously._

_" What's there to talk about? you're leaving us."_

_" I have to, okay? I don't want to. I would never leave you guys without a good reason."_

_"Oh really? Weren't you going to run away in the woods? With Katniss!"_

_"We were going to take you too Rory, we were going to take everybody. "_

_Rory turns his back to Gale, his voice is quivering, " Well you aren't taking us with you now."_

_Gale pauses, " There's not enough room for five.", he places a hand on Rory's shoulder, turns him around. Rory refuses to look at him, "Look at me.", still nothing, "Rory, look at me!"_

_Rory looks up with a steely gaze._

_" I'll be here for you okay? All you have to do is call. I'm not leaving you because I want to, I'm leaving because I have to. I fought to make this world a better place and now it's time to commit. I know I won't see everything, I might miss a lot of important stuff but trust me when I say that once Panem is a decent place again, it'll be worth it. Just promise me that when I can't, you'll take care of them."_

_The gaze softened and suddenly the air was being squeezed out of him with a hug, he can feel the tears soaking into his shirt. Gale has a hand on his back. Rory sobs into his shirt, trembles and Gale just stands there and holds him, whispering it's okay and just lets him get it out._

_When the sobs stop, Rory looks up at him, eyes puffy with a runny nose._

_"Promise me?", Gale asks._

_"I promise."_

"Sorry doesn't cut it Gale!", Rory pushes Gale's hand off his shoulder, " Seven years, it's been seven years! I graduated high school, I'm going into business, did you know that? Posy is nearly a teenager and Vick is 17, you missed his sweet 16! I need more than a sorry!"

Gale gulps, his eyes dart to his mother. She has a lot more greys, the color of her eyes is not as resilient anymore. She has developed more wrinkles. But she's smiling, happy just to see him.

He looks back at Rory, " I'm sorry because I thought I didn't deserve to stay with you guys. You want to know why Rory? It's because I thought I was a murderer, I still do. If it weren't for my stupidity, Prim would still be alive. Not just her, countless other children burned. I have blood on my hands."

Rory's eyes widened, his mouth opened to object but Gale didn't let him.

"I'm sorry that I was too scared to go back to 12 because I was afraid that I'd have to face the ghost of Prim in every memory that was linked to every place. Because I couldn't bear to look at Katniss and remember what I took from her."

Katniss had an unreadable expression on her face.

" I'm sorry that I thought that I didn't deserve to live with my family because her's could never see her again. Because I thought I was guilty for a crime but they were painting me to be a hero. I thought that this was the least I could do, that I could give up years with my family so I could build a place where she would be happy-"

Gale stopped, his heart hammering in his chest. The people of the room were looking at him with many different expressions, shock, pity and guilt.

Breathing was harder suddenly, he gasped, panted.

 _What have I done_.

He turned quickly and headed to the basement, Peeta tried to stop him, he heard a voice but he didn't care, he pushes Peeta away and slams the door behind him, locks it for good measure.

Gale sits on the floor, his hands in his hair, he takes shaky breaths as he rocks back and forth. His heart is hammering, millions of thoughts race through his head. He has ruined the party. He has ruined everything. Now they all knew how messed up he is. Now Katniss would never look at him the same way again. Now Posy and Vick's strong brother has turned into a weakling who broke under the pressure of his mind.

He knows Peeta has keys to the basement door, he hears the lock turning. He gets to his feet and exits through the door in the basement. He hears someone call his name but he doesn't stop. His socks got soaked in the snow, his feet are cold, _he_ is cold but he didn't care.

 _This is why_.

He wonders if he can make it to the station by foot, he has too.

_This is why I didn't come back_

He remembers the one time he visited the shrink that had been assigned to almost every other person with PTSD. Almost everyone.

' _If you hold it in for too long, you'll snap_ '

He had snapped, at the worst moment and worst time. Gale shivers.

He has effectively ruined their party.

'Gale!"

He hears Rory call, hears fast footsteps approaching, _is he runnin_ g?

"Gale stop!"

Gale doesn't, instead he increases his speed. His head is throbbing.

He'll catch a train, he''ll leave. He'll never come back. They don't need him, no one needs him.

"Gale please!"

Gale knows his brother is struggling but he knows he's coming closer.

"Gale don't leave me again!"

Gale freezes.

"Please don't leave again! "

He turns around.

Rory's running incredibly fast, Gale has never seen him run that fast. Then he's too close and Gale has a fleeting thought to move but it's too late.

Rory crushes him with a hug, Gale nearly topples from the force.

He feels an odd numbness, like he has nothing in him anymore.

'Please.", Rory rasps, "Please stay."

Gale doesn't hug him back. But he feels the emotion stirring in him again, almost as if a dead machine was coming back to life, the gears turning and clicking.

"Our family isn't complete without you, it never was."

Gale can feel the warmth in his chest.

"Please."

Gale feels the fire in his chest, the fire of passion, protectiveness, love.

Gale's hand goes to Rory's back.

The fire filled the aching, cold gap he had carried within him for too long. The fire that had died with Prim.

"I'm sorry.", he says quietly, " I shouldn't have left."

He feels like the words in his mouth are on repeat like a broken cassette.

"It's okay, Just come back, please come back! I'm sorry too, we always stacked all the responsibilities on you, we always expected too much, we expected you to be strong, we expected you to break your back by working so hard but we still expected you to always be there for us-"

"And I couldn't do any of those things."Gale says bitterley.

"You did! For so long, you did everything you could Gale, all I ask is that you stay, that's it. Nothing more, nothing less."

"You shouldn't have to ask, it's your right-"

"It doesn't matter if I shouldn't have to, I am, okay? And if you still think it's overwhelming, I understand, I won't stop you. Just tell me that every part of you wants to leave and I'll believe you!"

Gale is silent.

"It's been too long Gale. I won't, I can't do this without you anymore."

Gale feels the responsibility on his shoulders again, feels the tug in his heart to listen to his brother but he ignores the voice. He pushes Rory away, "After everything I've done, you still want me back? Why? Why shouldn't things just continue as they were? I sent you money, I bought you a house, I was taking care of you, what more do you need?"

Rory is silent, a look of shock on his face. Gale can tell he's struggling to comprehend his words, he doesn't want to.

"That's what I thought.", He says with fake disdain, " You don't need me, you need a provider and you already have that."

Gale despises himself for what he's doing but he holds onto the stubborn belief that this is what's required. He will never be the same boy that hunted with Katniss, who was a pillar of strength and perseverance for his family. He's mauled by his own brain, he's better than he was before but this isn't enough. He can't go back and disappoint them.

Gale clenches his jaw and turns to leave. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to leave them again. He doesn't want to leave his family, Katniss, Prim. Above all he doesn't want to leave Johanna, doesn't want another one of his relationships to end in tragedy, she'll understand, who knows, maybe she'll agree to come with him?

"Gale stop.", Rory's hand locks on his wrist. His voice is no longer pleading, it's stern.

Gale looks at him, jaw clenched, "What don't you get?"

"You're lying. You were lying then, you're lying now. You're great at a lot of things Gale but lying has never been your strong suite. You aren't going to pull the same trick on me twice! I know you! I know that you put up walls to avoid letting anyone but I can see through them-"

"This is ridiculous-"

"I know because I do the same thing Gale! I got it from you!"

Gale is silent, his resolve is crumbling but the grip on his arm isn't loosening.

" You can't do this for too long Gale, it'll break you. You can't hold it all in and expect it to go away-"

"I don't.", Gale interrupts, " And how do you know that it hasn't broken me already?"

Rory gulps, "W-what?"

"You heard me, you said it'll break me didn't you? What if I'm already broken beyond redemption? What are you going to do then? Fix me?", Gale snarls.

" I don't know if you're the Gale that left us, all I know is that your love for us wasn't fake, I know that you actually care for us and no matter what you think you are now, you'll jump at a chance to redeem your mistakes. That's why you came here isn't it?"

" You don't know me Rory. The Gale that you knew died 7 years ago, with Prim."

" I want the _chance_ to know you."

Gale sees a few figures approaching him and he internally curses, realizing that this meaningless argument had provided enough time for the rest of the people to catch up with them. He sees four figures. Rory talks but he doesn't hear any of his words.

The first two are Katniss and Peeta, they walk quickly. Both share a similar look of concern on their faces.

The 3rd is his mother, who bears a similar expression.

The last is what causes the colour to drain from his face, Johanna. Her face is contouring with rage, her fists are clenched tightly and there's a dangerous glint in her eyes.

His attention snaps back to Rory, who's pretty much given up on him.

"Rory just let me go.", he says, " This is pointless. You don't need me! You've been fine without me."

"No.", he says simply. Well aware that the situation is favouring him now. Rory backs away before Johanna approaches him and grabs his collar aggressively. She glares at him and it's draining Gale to keep his expression impassive.

" I would kill to be able to see my family again!", She sneers, " And here you are, pushing yours away, why? Because you're scared that they'll be disappointed in you?"

Gale meets her gaze, doesn't move or speak a word.

" You know what will disappoint them, if you run! If you run away from your problems again because you think that you aren't strong enough to face them!", she continues. She takes a calming breath before continuing, " I know you have it in you Gale, want to know how? Because I've known many people who didn't! Who killed themselves because they didn't have it in them to fight. But you, you had the guts to still fight even after the girl you were fighting for chose someone else over you. You had the determination to stand up and provide for your family when your dad died, you ran back into the bombings to save people while others ran away. And you, Gale Hawthorne, owned up to having blood on your hands."

The look on her face had morphed, now it's empathetic, " Stop underestimating yourself Gale, you can do it. It'll hurt at times, hell, it'll hurt _a lot_ sometimes too but would you rather have the satisfaction of facing your problems or the trauma of running away?"

Gale gulps, he looks at the ground, " Okay.", he says unsurely.

He sees Peeta's shoulders slump.

"But I have a condition."

Johanna's expression morphs, "What?"

" If it-", he stops, takes a deep breath, "If it ever gets too much you won't stop me. I'll try to stay, I really will but...but just incase I go insane-"

"Gale!", Katniss begins to interrupt.

"Just in case I begin hurting you guys more than making you happy, just in case I can't piece myself back together. When that time-", he stops himself, clenches and unclenches his fist, " _If_ that time comes, you'll let me go.", He looks at all of them, at their expressions, all of them different renditions of shock.

"Okay.", Johanna says first.

He expects her to be first, she understands him the most because she's been through everything he has and worse. She knows how it feels to have the blood of someone she loved on her hands, even if she didn't kill them.

She holds his hand, intertwines their fingers, "Okay.", she says in a softer, more reassuring tone.

He looks to Katniss, she nods and Peeta nods too. He always supports her decision.

His eyes land on Rory, who's struggling the most with the demand. He huffs, his arms cross over his chest, " Fine."

His mother is smiling, wrinkles by her eyes crinkling, "Whatever makes you happy Gale."

Johanna's hand slips out of his, almost as if she knows what he's thinking.

He surges forward and hugs his mother. He hears her chuckle. Her hand goes to his hair, traces a pattern across it, only she does that. She still had the vague smell of laundry detergent, flowers with the hint of a chemical he can't trace.

"I'm so sorry Ma.", he says, his voice hoarse, "I should have been there for you-"

"You needed it.", she retorts, "You were a _kid_ Gale but you never got to be one. You were feeding us, hunting, working, putting your name in that _damned_ bowl for the extra money. When Katniss went to the Games, you took care of her family too. You needed a break."

He doesn't want to let go but she pats his back, indicating that he should let go. He does.

"Let's go home?", Peeta asks him, a hopeful look in his eyes.

Gale smiles, "Let's go home."

The delight on Rory's face is surreal. His eyes shine.

Then Gale sees it, the crooked smile.

It feels familiar.

For once in a long time.

Familiar is welcomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I wanted this to be the last bit of 'the redemption'. We've already covered Gale's friendship with Katniss, his mental health, moving on [Johanna]. All that was left was his family. I also wanted to let you know that the story is near completion because I don't want to stretch the narrative too much. the options are a small amount of small chapters [2-3] or a bunch [3-6] large chapters. I have a lot of ideas and I'm going to try and fit all the relevant ones. I'll let you guys know if plans change. Comments and Kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Update: June 27th, 2020~ Hey guys, the next chapter is a really long one and I'm working my way through it and now that's school is over the updates will be faster. I really like writing about Gale now, he's an interesting character cause the book are in Katniss's perspective so you never really know what he's going through. So I might write about Gale through out the Games, in this universe. I also saw a writing prompt that for the Quarter Quell 2 more tributes were reaped so it ended up being Peeta, Katniss and then Gale and Prim, I thought that was evil... but still interesting.


	8. Part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He watches the endless sea green water, tries to find a point where it stops, it’s a serene sight but he can’t help but think of the sea green eyed man who was the kid’s father. Sees him sad and then sees him happy and then dead on repeat and Gale’s hand rubs his temples again to ground himself. 

Gale and Katniss sit outside the house on the porch. 

Arrangements have been made for the Hawthorns to stay at the Mellarks' house for the night. Gale had bought them a house in District 11 a long time ago, before 12 was repaired.When 13 no longer felt like home to them. They had been there since. The train ride was long and tiring and it was midnight so no trains would be parting anytime soon. Gale was going to leave with Johanna and spend the night with her. 

A cold breeze swept through the air. 

Gale knows she has many questions, they know what the other was thinking before they say it. 

“What you said, was it true?”

“Yes.” 

She nods, “ I won’t lie by saying I never blamed you.”, she states, looks him in the eye, “ I did but then I found out that it was Coin who was pushing you and Beetee, she wanted to bomb the capitol. I found out the details, that you had no idea what they were going to be used for.”

“It was still inhumane Katniss, a bomb that went off twice-”

“If you knew more, if you knew what would happen, you wouldn’t have used it. That doesn’t matter, what matters is that Coin… what Coin wanted wasn’t justice, it was sick and twisted. She wanted to kill innocent people, she would make a New Capitol and make the old one’s kids fight in the Games, that’s why I shot her.” 

“ I was too dumb to see her real antics.”, Gale added. 

“You were sincere Gale. You wanted justice.” 

“It was my idea to bomb the gates, civilians died. It was bad idea-”

“It was the only way Gale.”, Katniss said sadly, “It was _war_ and as much as I hate it, innocent people always die in war, no matter how much we try to stop it. At least we could believe that it was actually for the greater good, you saw that before me.” 

“That doesn’t make me innocent Catnip.” 

She smiles ruefully, “ None of us are.” 

“Well maybe Peeta, cause you know, he wasn’t _sane_ enough to really know what was going on.”, Gale jokes. 

“That’s my husband you're talking about.”, she says with mock offence. 

“He is now, I wanted to pound his face in when he tried to kill you.”

“It wasn’t his fault.” 

“I know.”, Gale laughs suddenly, “ I must have been horrible for you to _still_ choose him over me!” 

Katniss laughs, “ You know it wasn’t like that-”

Gale raises his hands in surrender, “ I don’t know anything.”

Katniss pauses,“You know when you said that I’d choose who ever I needed to survive, that… that stung.”

“ I shouldn’t have said that-”

“But it was right Gale,”, She adds,” like a lot of stuff you’ve said over the years that I’ve noticed recently.” 

Gale smirks, “Took you long enough!” 

Katniss playfully punches him in the shoulder, “Shut up.” 

“Carefull, I have a woman to fight you for me now.” 

“Like I'd mess with Johanna!” 

“You could win-”

“Not. A. Chance.” 

Silence envelopes them for a few moments. 

Gale ponders if he should ask the question that has been nagging his mind for too long,” Katniss, I have a question and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Okay?”

“Why didn’t you shoot me?, He asks, “When the peacekeepers caught me and were taking me away. You saw me, I begged you, why didn’t you?”

She looks uncomfortable. Looks away. 

Gale thinks he’ll never get an answer. 

“I couldn’t.”, she says quietly, meeting his gaze. 

He nods, bites his lip, “ I, I thought they were going to torture me, they were b-but I managed to escape.”, He inhales, “ _Barely_ ,I barely managed to escape.” 

“How?” 

He closes his eyes, somedays the memory of the event is as clear as it happened yesterday, other days it’s vague. 

_Gale pulls Katniss in front of a peacekeeper’s vehicle, his grey eyes looking around the surrounding. His heart hammers against his ribs, he has to get Katniss out of here, that’s all that matters._

_The truck flips as a bomb hits it, Gale is knocked to the ground with gruesome force, his head hits the ground hard, causing a spike of pain, he groans. The world around him goes in and out of focus._

_Before he can get to his feet there’s peacekeepers swarming around him like piranhas. He kicks one in the leg, knocking him down. But then they are grabbing his arms, hauling him to his feet._

_He’s outnumbered._

_He thrashes, but then his arm is being twisted behind his back._

_He sees Katniss through the flame. She’s okay, he has a second of relief._

_His eyes are pleading._

_She grabs her bow._

_“Shoot me!”, he yells hoarsely._

_She raises it, pulls the string back._

_He’s being urged into a vehicle, he jerks, “SHOOT ME!”, he yells louder, beggs her._

_The bow lowers, there’s a look of shock in her eyes._

_He groans as his efforts render to be meaningless._

_They successfully throw him into the vehicle, he lands a punch but then the butt of a gun smashes into the back of his head, stars dance in front of his vision._

_The dread finally begins to settle in his stomach._

_They were going to torture him, the only logical explination as to why they haven’t killed him yet._

_They want information._

_He remembers Peeta’s state after they had saved him._

_For some reason he knew things were going to be worse for him._

_He sits numbly, the color drains from his face._

_He knows so much, he knows all the plans, when they manage to break him, everything will be compromised._

_Unless…_

_He looks around at the peacekeepers._

_Unless he manages to enrage them enough to kill him before that._

_He gets up quickly, it causes his head to spin but ignores it. He wraps his hands around the weak link in the head peacekeeper’s armour, his neck, choking him. They all try to pull him off at first, he holds on with all of his might._

_First they hit him and he grits his teeth, bites down on his tongue. He knees the man in the ribs, multiple times._

_Suddenly an electric current surges through him and he jerks away from it. Then his hands are curling around a knife in someone’s belt and he’s pulling it out, slashing at someone’s chest before stabbing it through another’s helmet, pulling it out and it has crimson blood to the hilt._

_Then there’s multiple sticks electrocuting him and his vision turns white from all the pain he feels at once._

_He collapses, his muscles convulse._

_He jerks and trembles._

_He smells smoke, realizes it’ s his clothes that’s the last thought he forms before a strangled yell escapes his lips and pain is the only thought his brain can form._

_“Stop, stop you’ll kill him!”_

_The sticks pull back suddenly._

_Gale curls into a ball, his skin burns._

_The helmet falls and he sees long blonde hair and hazel eyes, “Don’t think we’ll kill you so easily!”_

_Gale gasps for breath as soon as he realizes what breathing feels like, there’s a metallic taste in his mouth, the horrifyingly familiar smell of blood and burned flesh fill his nose, he realizes that it's his skin. It stings. his brain can only form muddled thoughts, he spits in the peacekeeper’s face “Fuck you.”, he rasps._

_The smirk on the peacekeeper’s face disappears and he earns a kick to the ribs._

_Gale grunts._

_The Peacekeeper grabs his face and Gale strains, pulls away but then they’re grabbing his arms again, forcing him to stay put._

_“You’re a pretty one.”, The peacekeeper says as his cold eyes scan Gale’s face, a twisted smile forms on his features, “Who knows, maybe once they’re done with you, they’ll turn you into a sex slave.”_

_Gale shudders._

_“Hmm, I'd pay good money for a night with you.”, The head adds._

_Gale jerks away, he can’t figure out why he’s forgotten how to speak. His heart is hammering. They pull him up onto a seat and he doesn’t resist._

_He’s terrified._

_His heart is beating so fast that he might just have a stroke. He hopes he does._

_His brain is going through the last resorts of escape._

_But he can’t move, he’s paralized._

_Why was breathing so hard all the sudden?_

_Gale leans against the wall._

_He’s going to be a slave._

_The Capitol’s slave._

_Gale’s hand goes to his arm, his nails dig into the flesh, he needs to hold onto something. He sees blood come out but he doesn’t care._

_He wants to die._

_He would rather die than be enslaved._

_Abused._

_Tortured._

_Gale’s shaking but it’s not even cold._

_He’s going to be robbed of everything he ever held dear. Freedome, pride, family, the rebellion._

_He can see pity in the eyes of the peacekeeper beside him, it’s etched on his younge features. He looks around the same age as Gale. his eyes are brown, his hair matches them. His brows are furrowed, lips pressed together in a tight line. He fidgets. His foot taps._

_Gale looks around, there’s a similar look in the other’s eyes too and Gale realizes that they’re human too. That they hate this as much as he does but they have to comply, more than he does. If their boss reports to the capitol they’ll definitely lose their jobs and their families, the Capitol could do so much to their families, kill them, enslave them, make them homeless._

_The vehicle lurches to one side and Gale follows, his shoulder smashes against the metal seat, his head hits something sharp, he can feel the stickiness and warmth of his blood in his hair when someone grabs him and pulls him back._

_He groans._

_“You, go!”. The blonde orders, “You,”, he points to the brunette, “Stay here with me.”_

_The peacekeepers leave._

_Gale hears gunshots, pained yells._

_He turns his head to the side, sees outside the windshield._

_It’s the rebels, the vehicle is sandwiched between them, behind them is the fire caused by the bomb, in front of them are at least 2 dozen rebels. Their guns are mowing through the peacekeepers, barely giving them a chance to fight._

_He looks at the head, his face is pale, hazel eyes are wide._

_Gale feels hope._

_But then the man’s gun is pointed to his head, Gale’s jaw clenches._

_“Sir, we have orders to keep him alive!”, The Brunet gushes._

_The blond’s eyes narrow, “ I don’t give a damn about the orders! He’s the reason we’re going to die!”, his eyes narrow, hand tightens on the trigger._

_Gale closes his eyes. Accepts his wretched fate, to be so close to escape but still die in captivity._

_He hears a gunshot._

_Oddly, he doesn’t feel any pain. He still feels his heart pounding against his heart and he hears someone panting for air._

_His eyes open._

_A bullet has gone through the leader’s forehead, his eyes are still wide with shock._

_He looks to his side, the brunet has a gun pointed to his head, “Fuck you and fuck the Capitol.”, he growls and spits in the man’s face._

_Gale looks at him, flagbustered._

_The man looks at him, shares a similar rage in his eyes, “Go.”_

_Gale stumbles to the exit and pushes the door open. He barely makes it out, falls to his knees when his legs give out._

_“Gale!”_

_He sees a blonde woman rush towards him, Cressida._

_“Are you okay?”, She kneels next to him, places a comforting hand on his shoulder._

_He sees the Rebels point guns into the truck, “No!”_

_An array of bullets fire into the truck and Gale looks away, covering his ears._

_Cressida looks at him confused._

_He sees them drag out two figures, one who’s still alive._

_Gale orders them to stop, crawls over to him._

_The Brunet’s eyes have a dull look in them now, there’s blood coming out of his mouth and wounds but he still breathes rapidly._

_“Oh god.”, Gale reaches out tentatively, suddenly his hand grabs Gale’s._

_“Promise to,”,he coughs, “Promise to make them pay.”_

_Gale whispers, “I promise.”_

_The hand tightens, he nods and groans in pain._

_“Get him to a hospital!”_

_“No point.” , he mumbles, “My name is Tyler Greenwood, my wife’s name is Jenna Greenwood, I have 2 kids.”, he takes a shaky breath, “ Alia and Jennifer, if you can find them-”_

_“I will.”, Gale promises earnestly._

_“Take care of them.”, the man says slowly._

_Gale nods._

_“K-kill me please. This hurts, t-too much.”, he begs._

_Gale gives the orders to a rebel and he presses a gun to the man’s head._

_Gale closes his eyes._

_He hears a bullet shoot._

_The hand goes lax in his._

_He lets go of it._

_Gale doesn’t look at his face._

_Two rebels help him to his feet, he manages a few unstable steps before he falls to his knees, his stomach lurches and he throws up onto the pavement, he can feel the acidic taste on his tongue._

_He’s lightheaded, his vision blurs as he falls back onto the ground._

_He sees concerned faces hover over him._

_He’s so tired._

_He lets out a slow breath._

_His eyes close._

Katniss looks at him with a scowl on her face. 

He can tell that she’s blaming herself for that. He knows that she’s not entirely wrong either. 

“I should have shot.” 

“Well I wouldn’t be here if you did, now would I?” 

“Still, I didn’t know that you would escape.” 

“ I’m fine Katniss, I survived. That’s what counts.” 

She nods, “ I guess so.” 

“And you survived too.”, Gale adds quickly, “ That matters too.”

Katniss grins, “ You can’t bear to have a serious conversation for too long can you?” 

Gale shrugs, “ I developed it over time. Plus we’ve had our fair share of serious talks when I ranted in the woods.” 

“You didn’t joke as often before.”, Katniss states, “You did but… not as much. It seems that everything that you got from the rebellion isn’t that bad.” 

Gale was surprised that she noted his behavior that much, “Really?”

“ You used to be angry all of the time.” 

Gale nods. He stares at the stars in the sky, at the full moon,” I had good reason to be.”, he says solemnly. 

“You did, we all did.”, Katniss says, “You shouldn’t keep Johanna waiting.” 

Gale looks at her and she smiles warmly, she only used to smile like that in the woods, “ This was...nice. It reminded me of the woods.” 

Gale returns the smile, “You know, sometimes I'm convinced you can read minds.” 

“Just your’s, Gale. Just your’s.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time they come back inside, Gale’s siblings are fast asleep. Rory’s sprawled across the couch, Vick on the one adjacent to it. Hazelle tells Gale that Posey is sleeping upstairs and is sharing a room with Prim, who, Gale is told, was thrilled to meet Posey. 

His mom presses a chaste kiss to his forehead and bids farewell. 

He pulls on a coat, “ See you tomorrow.”, he says to Peeta. 

“See you.”, he waves awkwardly as he stands in the doorway. 

Gale walks over to Johanna, her hands are jammed in her pockets, She wears a jacket that goes down past her knees. A fluffy scarf, a knitted green hat and chunky boots. 

“Hey.”, he greets. 

“Hey.”, She returns less enthusiastically. 

“What’s wrong?”

She raises a brow,“I’m cold. What did you expect?” 

Gale shakes his head, realizing the stupidity of his question, “ How are we getting home.” 

“Walking.” 

“That’ll be fun.”, Gale says sarcastically. 

Johanna links their arms together, her head rests against his shoulder. Gale thinks it’s kinda inconvenient if they want to reach the apartment faster but he doesn’t mind. 

Gale’s teeth chatter, he’s never been a fan of winter, it just makes everything harder. It was harder to find game because the animals either took off for a different continent, hibernated or buried themselves in their underground tunnels. There were no plants or fruits he could trade in for the money. It was hard to work in the mines without freezing to death. He remembered vaguely that many of his friends would get deadly diseases like pneumonia and would not be able to make it to work. As a result, they wouldn’t be able to feed their families. 

But now as he walks to Johanna’s apartment, bundled with layers of warm clothes and a content Johanna by his side, the snow slowly falling onto the ground seems kind of angelic, satisfying even. He sticks out a hand to catch a few flakes, notices that they each have their own unique pattern. It reminds Gale of better times, when he was a kid, when he and his friends used to have snowball fights, build forts. When they didn’t have to worry about being chosen to die for the Capitol’s entertainment nor did they have to struggle to feed their families. 

He’s still genuinely surprised sometimes that he was never chosen.

He lost track of how many times his name went into the tessere, 40? Around there somewhere. _42_ , he remembers abruptly. He was more surprised that Peeta Mellark was chosen instead. Who probably had one slip per year, the bare minimum. He was even more disturbed when they pulled out Prim, who’s name was only in there once.

He shudders, partially from the cold and partially from the bitter memory. 

“Have you ever done this?”, Johanna asks. 

Gale looks over. 

She sticks her tongue out and catches a snowflake on her tongue. 

Gale raises a brow, “Why would you-” 

“It’s fun.”, She states simply. 

“ Okay.”, he says confused. 

“C’mon!”, Johanna pats him on the shoulder. 

He looks at her wearily before sticking out his tongue and catching it. He cringes, the sensation is sharp, it’s _cold._ He quickly clamps his mouth shut. 

Johanna laughs at him, “ How old are you, _really_?” 

“27… last time I checked.”

Johanna’s face pales slightly. 

Gale frowns, “Johanna?” 

“You’re so _young_!”, She exclaims,”What are you doing with me?” 

Gale’s brows furrow, “ Aren’t you only-”, Gale concentrates, “ Two years older than me?” 

“Still, I’m almost 30!”

Gale grins, “Well if you put it like _that_ … then you are old.” 

“Shut up.”

“Make me.” , it’s a childish retort but it comes like an instinct. 

Johanna’s eyes glint, “ I am very capable of doing that.” 

Gale opens his mouth to reply but fails to come up with anything. Instead his face redens, her tone was very suggestive. 

“We’re almost there.”, She says and pauses a moment, “I can’t wait to make you _shut_ _up_.” 

Gale shakes his head, smiles, “You’re just as childish as me.” 

“Probably even more cause I'm stubborn.” 

“Probably.”

“You’re not supposed to agree, you know? You’re supposed to say, _No Johanna, you’re more mature than I could ever be._ ” 

Gale grins, “I’ll say it when I mean it.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s a long walk. By the time they reach the apartment, Gale’s face is frozen and numb. 

Now he’s seated on her couch. He scowls, rubs his hands on his cheeks quickly and tries to bring back the warmth into them. When he feels the blood rushing back to them, he moves to his socked toes, which are also frozen.

Johanna watches him, an amused look on her face as she watches him struggle. She wraps a large blanket around him and gives him hot chocolate. He thanks her, ponders if her comment about his age is accurate, “Thanks.”

“No problem.”, she sits down beside him and turns on the television. 

Gale reaches out and pulls her close, Johanna doesn’t resist. Her head rests against his chest, he wraps the blanket around them. Her hand presses against his cheek, he raises a brow.

“They’re pink, you look adorable.”, She says. 

“Okay.” 

She radiates warmth because of how close they’re pressed together. Gale smiles, enjoys the intimate moment. Gale smells her hair, he smells pine trees and it’s a pleasant smell but he’s thrown off momentarily. 

“It’s the shampoo.”, She explains, “It smells like home.”

“It’s nice.”, He comments. Rests his head on top of her chin, feels satisfaction when she fits perfectly. 

A romance- drama tv show plays on the television and Johanna snorts out a laugh. 

Gale doesn’t get it, he frowns. 

“Stereotypical Bullshit.”, she mumbles but doesn’t change the channel. 

“What?”

“In every show, the girl meets the guy but the guy does something bad and they break up and they’re sad and everything. When they break up the girl’s best friend reveals he loves her and she realizes she doesn't love him and then she runs back to the first guy. They used to call it _A Love Triangle._ ” 

Gale grimances, “That sounds familiar.” 

Unlike him, Johanna catches on really fast, “ Oh really?”

Gale smiles, “Really.”

He takes a sip of the hot chocolate and nearly burns his tongue because he underestimated how hot it is, he makes a face. 

“When they continued to make you her cousin… How angry were you?”

Gale gulps, “I, uh…”, he struggles for a moment, he’s never talked about that to anyone, he has pushed the topic to the depths of his mind where he had hoped he would never remember it. Yet here he is, “ I was very angry, I wanted to… Hit Plutarch, really hard. Sometimes I imagined his face on the boxing bag.” 

Johanna chuckles, “ Now I know why you’re so good at fighting.” 

Gale nods, takes a cautious sip and is relieved when the liquid is warm, “You know, they were thinking of making us the couple.” 

Johanna looks up at him. 

“ They thought of making it, Katnip and I but then they decided that the star crossed lovers were so… so adored that it would be a bad decision and it would. Imagine _The Girl On Fire_ with her _cousin._ “ 

“You still hate it don’t you?” 

“With all of my heart. It’s just so messed up because I loved her and I've kissed her and thought of marrying her! Couldn’t they just say _friend_?” 

“I thought it was pretty funny when 13 continued the angle, Katniss was pissed too… for similar reasons I assume.” 

“She never thought of it as romantic.”, Gale fiddles with strands of her hair, he sets the empty cup aside and begins braiding small strands mindlessly, “ Whenever she kissed me… it was out of sympathy, not love. It always happened when I was hurt. It didn’t take me long to put the pieces together.” 

“It must have hurt… leaving her.”

“It hurt like hell.” 

Johanna looks up at him, “My kisses… what are they like?” 

Gale struggles for the right words, “Jo… your kisses are _amazing_.” 

She smiles, her eyes twinkle, “You’re a hopeless romantic, you know that?” 

Gale grins, “Known it for a long time.” 

“Hmm.”

She buries her fingers into his hair and pulls him down, Gale’s eyes flutter shut and they kiss gently. 

She pulls away.

Gale wines, “Done so fast?” 

She chuckles, “ C’mon let’s go to sleep.” 

They lay together in the bed, at this point they’re tangled limbs and radiating heat. Johanna’s head is on his chest, their legs are tangled together. His hand gently grips her side, one of Johanna’s hands scrunches the collar of his shirt, the other lies ambly at her side. They have a blanket pulled over them. 

Despite the winter, Gale can feel the sweat sticking to his back but he doesn’t mind. After sleeping in the blazing and unforgiving summers of District 12, this was nothing. Gale remembers waking up and noticing that he had sweat so profoundly that his clothes stuck to him. His mother had suggested that he slept without a shirt and for a long time he did. It was a relief but after he got whipped, he stopped. It was due to the self consciousness and fear that had etched into his brain, he wears his scars proudly but not those ones, never those. They were a sign of his defeat. 

Compared to those times, this was pleasant. 

Johanna looks up at him and mumbles sleepily, “Listening to your heartbeat’s nice.” 

Gale smiles wryly, “ Should I stop it when it starts to bother you?” 

She mumbles something incohesive and shifts her position slightly, one of her legs bend, her head turns in the opposite direction. 

Gale watches her and part of him feels like this is creepy. 

He remembers Madge’s rants about how some of these things were, _‘Romantic, not Creepy!’,_ He remembers laughing and saying that, ‘ _All those romance books have gotten to your head! Watching someone sleep is creepy!’_

Even though she’s dead, she still manages to prove him wrong. 

She used to ramble about the _spark_ in the first meeting, the _fireworks_ in the first kiss and the _intimacy_ of cuddling. 

Gale had jokingly called her crazy. 

Then she had looked down at her feet, fumbled with her hands and said quietly, _“At Least that’s what I feel with you.”_

Gale remembers that his face had paled, all of his thoughts had disappeared and his voice had caught in his throat, _all at once_. 

Her nimble hand had grasped his and said, _“This is part of it too.”_

Gale had turned crimson immediately and Madge was delighted for a week because he’d blush at the sight of her. 

Gale looks down at Johanna, at how innocent she looks in her sleep. 

Maybe she was crazy.

At how pleasant it makes him feel that she’s curled up against him with her hair gently tickling his neck. 

Maybe she made him crazy too. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Gale wakes up, he notices that he’s a little cold and that the pleasant weight of Johanna on him is gone. He grunts as he flips onto his stomach, hopes to catch even a few more minutes of sleep. The cotton blanket and the large pillows are too comfortable and welcoming. He sighs in defeat as thoughts start to occupy his mind again, as sensation and information rushes back to him. He wearily looks at the time and curses, it’s 11 AM. He never slept that much, he still has to walk back. 

He sits up slowly, rubs the sleep out of his eyes, runs his hands through his hair and takes a moment to think. He can’t pinpoint when he drifted off to sleep and it was a dreamless night, last night’s sleep was like a complete blackout. 

Gale sighs and gets to his feet. His feet sinking into the carpet as he makes his way out of the bedroom. 

He finds Johanna on the couch, a cup of coffee gripped in her hands. He notices that her clothing has changed, now she wears an oversized black hoodie and grey jogging pants, her hair is also wet. She’s already taken a shower. 

“Morning, Handsome.”, She quips, an edge of sarcasm to her voice. Her eyes running over him for a second before returning to the television, “ Washroom’s down the hallway to the left, I already put a brush, a towel and your clothes on the counter.” 

“Thanks.”, Gale presses a kiss to her forehead, making her smile broaden, before making his way to the washroom. 

Gale stares at his reflection and figures out why Johanna sounded sarcastic. His hair sticks out in all directions, there’s sleep lines on his left cheek. Overall, he looks disheveled. 

He shakes off the chain of thought, squeezes toothpaste onto the brush and begins brushing. 

Soon enough, he’s rinsed out the paste, he has undressed and now he’s slinging the towel over the shower curtain holder. He sets the temperature to hot and lets the water sooth him. 

It’s been 7 years since his lifestyle changed completely, from a boy in the seams to a higher ranked man in District 2 but he’ll never get over how relaxing and satisfying hot showers are. Maybe it’s because they’ve been absent from his life, from _all_ of their lives. He is grateful everyday that the revolution happened.

He tentatively rubs the soap bar over his body. 

that this was a _necessity_ for everyone. 

He cleans off the soap. Looks at the bottle of shampoo and doesn’t put in much thought before rubbing it into his scalp. 

Not a _luxury_ solely for the Capitol. 

The smell of pine needles fills his nostrils and he smiles, it’s _that_ shampoo. 

He senses his old self in that bitter thought. He smiles, it almost feels like meeting an old friend. The one that thought that the misery would be over after the Capitol would be taken out of the equation. That it would be the salve for his gaping wounds not in his body but in his mind. 

The old self that had hoped that maybe he wouldn’t wake up screaming from nightmares of Prim, Fire, whips and watching his home blown up along with a lot of the people he cared for in it. 

He was wrong, He can acutely remember that he was better off before, He was still recovering from Katniss choosing Peeta, still had a small particle of hope in him but the rest of it was an endless pit of anger and dread, he blamed the Capitol yet again, for taking his Katnip and turning her into Peeta’s Lover in front of the camera’s and broken beyond what he could fathom behind them. 

Despite all this, he still had a purpose, a reason to get up everyday and push pass his nightmares and deadly thoughts. The rebellion gave him hope, something that he had lost almost entirely in the time between the death of his father, watching innocent kids die and finding 13. 

The 7 years after that, purpose was exactly what he lacked. Gale wasn’t happy with his new job, didn’t feel an ounce of joy when he helped rebuild Panem. It felt more like a duty, like he owed it to the Rebellion. It was probably because he wanted to see Prim in this new world, that maybe, deep down, he wanted to do this for countless families, including his own. 

Gale wanted to see the joy on her face because she didn’t hide her emotions like her older sister did. When she was happy it stirred a warm feeling in him that he can’t really explain. Maybe it’s because he had fed her and took care of her while Katniss was gone and subconsciously started thinking that she was family. 

He remembers how delighted she was when they brought her the goat. She was smiling from ear to ear. Jumping and squealing, she had even hugged Gale [after hugging Katniss first, of course], Gale, who wasn’t a fan of hugs but welcomed it anyways. He remembers hearing too many thank-yous and ‘ _I’ll give you a lifetime’s supply of cheese_!’

He remembers the shame he felt when for once, she was caring for him. When all he could do was lie uselessly on his stomach and bite back groans of pain while she changed the bandages on his mauled back, applied medicine and added more snow. 

_Gale feels like there’s a timer running, on how long he could lay here in his misery before his family would start to starve. He knows he has Katniss and that now, it’s easier for her than ever to provide food to his family but he doesn’t like taking food from her. He has promised to take care of her family and right now he isn’t even taking care of his own._

_Miss. Everdeen asked him if he could walk and he manages to get to his feet and take a few flimsy steps before spikes of pain go up his back, his stitches feels like they will open again and Gale reaches out to grab something in vain but nothing is there and he begins to crumple to the ground._

_Prim is at his side in a flash. Just in time so he wouldn’t plummet onto his face. Gale trembles, white dots dance in front of his vision and his eyes water as he bites down on his tongue so he won’t cry out._

_Prim is so small compared to him, She doesn’t even make it to his shoulder but he clings to her like a lifeline and waits for it to pass. His hand is around her shoulder, his head looking at the ground as sweat forms on his brow._

_“Hey.”, She says after a few minutes' pause._

_He looks at her, too weak to reply._

_“We have to walk back to the table.”, She says, her expression determined, brave. He feels it’s to give him strength, more than to reassure herself._

_It turns out that when he had nearly fallen, he had gone further away from the table than anticipated. Mrs. Everdeen knew her daughter could handle it and had gone out to get medicine before the ordeal started._

_His jaw clenches and he wants to flatly deny her and lie on the cold floor because it’s easier but the stubbornness in his core being doesn’t allow him to show signs of weakness in front of her, “Okay.”_

_“On the count of three okay? If it’s too much, we can rest.”_

_Gale nods._

_“1,2,3.”_

_Gale turns and starts walking, barely leaning on Prim and ignoring the agony that’s setting his back on fire. He can see the concern on Prim’s face, maybe Gale isn’t as good at hiding his pain as he thought._

_His hands shoot out and he leans against the table. He pants, closes his eyes._

_“That’s great, you did great!”, Prim talks to him like he was a wounded animal and it’s the last thing he wants._

_He stands like that for a few minutes before working up the courage to climb up onto the table and sprawl into his previous position. It’s painful, he bites down on his tongue so hard he can taste blood. He feels relief rush over him almost instantly. His eyes close and he breaths, something he had forgotten to do for too long._

_She gently applies the medicine, the bandages and then after a few moments delay the ice is on his back again. Gale feels his tense muscles instinctually relax._

_Prim is about to leave wordlessy when Gale calls out her name unsurely, “Prim?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_His lips pull into a tired smile, “ Thank-you.”_

_She returns the smile without hesitation, her’s is beaming like the sun, “ It’s the least I can do Gale.”_

Gale’s hands run over the scars he can reach, the skin is still uneven. The scars are thick and there’s numerous of them and the more he touches them tentatively, the more he’s reminded of the shame his brain has associated with them. He stops before it’s unbearable again. 

Gale dries himself off, hastily throws on his clothes and runs his hand through his hair to do a sufficient job of making it look a little more presentable. 

The last thing he does before exiting the bathroom is neatly hang the towel on the dryer rack before making his way out of the washroom. 

When he reaches the table, there’s a box on it with a fork and knife placed beside it. He opens it and there’s a stack of three pancakes. 

He jumps when Johanna places the maple syrup by his hand with a loud _thud._

She takes a look at him, grins, “Did I scare you?”

Gale narrows his eyes, “No, I like to flinch for no reason once in a while.”, he reaches out for the maple syrup and pours a generous amount onto the pancakes. 

“You look better now.”, Her hand goes to his hair and he almost moves away when she ruffles it affectionately, _almost,_ “Smell better too.” 

He quickly fixes his hair by running his hand through it, “What did I smell like before?”, he cuts off a piece of the pancake and stuffs it in his mouth. 

“Christmas.” 

He looks at her confused. 

“You know, like pie and… and sickly sweet.” 

“You don’t like that?”

“No.” 

“Weird.”, he mumbles before focusing on his food. 

“Shut up.” 

But he’s already gulped down the first pancake and couldn’t care less about her remark. 

“You’re a fast eater.” She notes. 

“It’s a bad habit.”, Gale takes a sip of the milk, “Don’t know why I do it. Maybe because in the Seams they taught us to eat our food before someone stole it from us. Or something like that. Plus table manners go out the door when you get a meal after a week.” 

Johanna nods, “Makes sense.” 

He wonders when the last time she starved was, if her family was poor or led decent lives but he doesn’t voice any of his questions. He knows that family isn’t a topic she likes to discuss. So he continues eating. 

“What took you so long?” 

The words, _Rude,_ is on the tip of his tongue but Gale’s sure that Johanna isn’t as fond of his Capitol impressions as Katniss was, “ Thoughts.” 

Johanna nods as if the singular word makes perfect sense to her, “About what?”

Gale wonders what she’s trying to accomplish, can feel the familiar throb caused by irritation, the wall he’s put between himself and everyone else begins to rise again but he breathes deeply a few times and makes those thoughts shut up, he doesn’t have to hide anything from her, “Prim.” 

Johanna notices the difference in his behavior, “Not very talkative today are we?” 

Gale’s jaw clenches. He can’t blame anyone for the irritation he feels, it resurfaces at the most random occasions and on these occasions he wants the world to damn it’s self and wants to go to the woods and be at peace, “I just have…”, his brows furrow as he struggles to explain. 

Out of the many months he was supposed to go to therapy, he went once and the woman had smiled a cold smile and told him, _‘Random outbursts of anger are part of PTSD.”_

Gale had stormed out of the room because of the same anger. 

It always waited in the dark, safely tucked from his thoughts and then on any day it shows up in its full glory, “ It happens randomly, there’s no reason or explanation. I just get angry at nothing.” 

He hopes that his scattered explanation is enough because his head is throbbing and he wants to punch through a wall. 

Johanna nods, “I understand, have you ever been to District 4?” 

Gale looks at her, eyes narrowed, “What do you think?” 

Johanna whistles, “Calm down would you?” 

“Very helpful Johanna.”, he says, his foot is tapping impatiently. He needs to get out of there, the apartment is seeming to feel more like a prison as the minutes pass by. His fists clench and unclench. 

“We need to get you out of here or you’ll go insane.”, Johanna comments as she quickly packs both of their belongings into 2 bags and scurries around the apartment, making sure she didn’t forget anything, “We’re going to 4.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He makes a quick call home and makes sure no one needs him there and then they both are out of the apartment and there’s a cool breeze outside that slightly calms his nerves. They walk to the station, Johanna doesn’t speak and Gale is grateful. 

Travelling is much faster, buy a ticket and board the next train. 

Now, they are seated on the train, Johanna reads a book, a hobby Gale didn’t think she’d be interested in. 

Gale watches the woods pass by, He accepts the warm cup of coffee offered to him and takes a few slow sips, the throbbing begins to diminish but he still feels a ping of irritation at every jerk in the train among other instances, “Sorry.”, he says quietly. 

“It’s okay.”, Johanna smiles, “It’s not your fault. It happens to me too.” 

He nods. 

“How long’s the ride?”

“Little over a day.”, She answers. Then she begins to fumble in her bag and she’s pulling out a phone with wired buds and Gale raises a brow. He had seen them before, used them on a few occasions to talk on the phone or watch videos. 

She hands them to him and he takes them and jams them into his ear. The music consists of piano, gentle and slow unlike the intense ‘ _masterpieces_ ’ Madge invested in. He makes out the sound of raindrops in the background. 

Johanna looks at him expectantly. 

It finally clicks that the music is supposed to help him relax, to sooth him. So his brain couldn’t go haywire with it’s frustration and resentment. It’s easier to focus on the music and ignore everything else. His head presses against the window. Watches the endless stretch of the woods pass by, he looks at Johanna and smiles, “Thank-you.”

He doesn’t hear a word but sees her lips mouth, “You’re welcome.” 

The trees are taller here, the forests are thicker. Undisturbed by civilization. If he focuses really hard he can see a deer, squirrel, or even rabbit. They’re fortunate to be here, they don’t have to fear hunters like himself. He notices that the sunlight barely makes it through them. The train turns and now they’re surrounded by the woods now. 

Gale feels his pulse slow down. 

His eyes become droopy and a part of him protests because he already slept in today. 

His eyes close and he drifts off to sleep. Before he does, he sees Johanna’s lip curve into a smile. Her eyes twinkle.

Johanna brings him back to reality by shaking him awake. Pulling him out of his fantasy of the woods and the meadow. Gale sits up, his neck is stiff, he presses a hand to it as he slowly cracks his neck. He registers her face and concern is etched on her features. She pulls an earbud out of his ear, “ We’re in 11. This is our stop. The train stays here for 2 hours.” 

Gale nods absentmindedly, only registering the important details. His eyes wander to the window and all traces of sleep vanish. The station is surrounded by a seemingly endless wave of gold, it moves in the wind and is reminiscent of what he thinks the sea looks like. He looks closer, it’s wheat. There’s barely any trace of snow. They're in District 11. 

When he steps out, he realizes that it meets his expectations. It’s serene and peaceful. The station is surrounded by fields and rolling hills. There’s an array of plants and vegetation. The air smells like corn, sweet and pleasant. Gale’s only had corn about 3 times in his life. He remembers the smell clearly. 

Gale doesn’t spend much time in the washroom. He’s in a hurry to soak in as much of District 11 as he can. He sees a man putting corn on a grill-like device and notes that this is the location of the smell, he wanders over. Asks a price and gives the required amount without question, it still feels weird when he doesn’t try to reduce the price, he doesn’t have too. 

Gale sits on a bench and sinks his teeth into the corn, it’s sweet and rich, just as he remembered it. Unlike most foods he eats in a haste, he enjoys it. Despite the fact he was richer, he never travelled from district to district. Never tried any unique cuisine. Once he was rich enough to, doing those things were the last on his mind. He spent 7 years in a grey building eating whatever catering offered him, even though it was mostly tasteless, it was more than what District 12 could ever offer. 

Johanna sits beside him, “Feeling better?”, she asks, a cup of coffee in one hand and a sandwich in the other. 

“Alot.”, Gale answers honestly, “Thank-you.” 

Gale notices that a lot of people wear button up shirts with stripes, overalls and boots. He even notices that a few people wear the same shirts. Some people wear large jackets with wool lined on the inside and Gale thinks they look very comfortable. 

“Let’s buy some snacks.”, Johanna mumbles as she heads over to the nearest shop. Gale quickly finishes the remainder of his meal, throws it in the trash and follows. 

As soon as they enter the shop, the man behind the counter smiles warmly. He’s dark skinned and well over 60 and his beard has more white than black, “G’day, how are ya?” 

Gale raises his brow, the man’s accent is unique, unlike anything he’s heard before. He notices that instead of saying, ‘ _Good Day_ , he’s taken out the 2 ‘o’s and that it’s a sharp ‘ _ya’_ instead of ‘ _you_ ’, he answers“ I’m good.” 

“How can I help you guys today?” 

Gale ponders about how the merchants in the Hob have never spoken so kindly to him, “ Just looking for some snacks.”, he says reluctantly. Not used to talking about anything but the price. 

“They’re in the aisle to the far left over there.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” 

When Gale reaches the aisle, Johanna is already standing there, she grins, “They talk weird don’t they?” 

Gale nods slowly, “Are you psychic?” 

“I wish.” 

Gale grabs a bag of chips and candy and a bottle of water. Johanna gets 2 bags of chips, multiple bags of candy and 2 energy drinks. 

“Is that it?”,he remarks. 

She gasps, “How _rude_!”, she says with mock offence. 

Gale sees a book that looks decent, decides that he might as well try his luck at reading too. 

They exit the building, walk around the train station a bit. Like he expects, very few people recognize him. He isn’t the Mockingjay or the boy with the bread who’s in love with her. He’s happy sometimes that he isn’t as famous as them. He only saw tributes get that kind of attention and his brain has permanently linked the 2 together. Plus after you get a certain amount of fame, you have to be cautious of everything and elegant to please your audience.. Like Katniss had to be after the first Games, always being prettied up for her interviews, pretending to be a shallow, giddy girl that’s in love. Gale ignored those interviews, the ones after her first games and before the last because he hated what they reduced her too, Katniss was strong, determined, a provider, a fighter, she still is but they reduced her to a damsel who can’t think straight because she was in love. He busied himself in work, hacking away in the coal mines and feeling the coal dust rattle in his lungs every time he breathed. He still feels it now. 

It gave him more reason for him to despise the Capitol, for taking her away from him and robbing her the right of living in peace like they had promised. They had not let anyone live in peace. Gale hates them because of everyone who suffered because of the games, because of everyone who couldn’t survive outside them due to the mining accidents and starvation and god knows what else. 

Gale still refuses to go to that wretched place. The palace of grandeur and beauty, built and kept strong with the blood and misery of countless people. Gale would have wanted to evacuate everyone and blow the place up to cinders because of that because of the message it sent in those times. But that was impossible, there was too much important information there, knowledge and technology that would make everyone’s lives easier. As much as he hates the Capitol, it unwillingly gave them so many luxuries that they wouldn’t be able to put together on their own nearly as efficiently. 

But that doesn’t stop the hate curling and writhing in him that’s still not satisfied completely. He learned after a while that it never would because the Capitol can never give back what they took away from the Districts, they can’t fix the shattered families and traumatized minds. 

Johanna pulls him out of his downward spiral of bitter thoughts, “Gale, are you okay?” 

Gale blinks as reality rushes back to him, the cold breeze in the air, the smell of corn, the pavement under his worn boots. His throat goes dry, he feels the panic racking at his brain, how could he lose his grip on reality so fast? 

He feels Johanna’s hand slip into his and his eyes wearily meet hers, “I zoned out.”, he mumbles, still trying to comprehend the words. 

Her thumb rubs circles against his calloused palm, she has sadness in her eyes, “It’s time to go.” 

He nods and she leads him back onto the train and he numbly stares out the window at the passing fields. 

Johanna sighs, “What happened?”, she asks with genuine concern in her voice. 

“I...I”, Gale gulps, remembers how to speak again, “I lost control.” 

Johanna nods, she knows what he’s dealing with. 

It doesn’t make sense to Gale, he was happy only a few hours ago, he was fine, he was thinking of the cashier’s strange accent, tasting the corn and he remembers being at peace. 

_Am I going insane?_

He probably is, it makes sense. All the years of keeping his emotions bottled up are catching up to him. Slowly they’ll control him, he’ll have uncontrolled bursts of anger and despair. Gale can’t think of a way out. It’s reminiscent of how he felt everytime he went down the damned elevator to hack away in the mines, if the mines exploded, if the roof caved in on his head, he wouldn't make it out. Yet, he kept on going back, despite the tightness in his chest, the fact that his eyes darted across the place to check if everything was okay. Despite the fact that he saw his father’s mauled body instead of the corpses of his coworkers at the numerous funerals. He felt that each time he went down the elevator, he was taking another step towards his ultimate doom. 

This feels too similar to that. Gale feels claustrophobic just thinking about the mines, where the only light was the light attached to their heads. Where there was no sunlight and air that was thick with coal dust. 

Maybe he’s panicking. 

Overreacting. 

Maybe this is part of anxiety or depression or whatever disease his mind can’t handle at the moment. 

That rational thought is overpowered when he can taste the coal dust on his tongue again and when breathing becomes harder.

Someone calls his name, he feels something warm and rough press against his shoulder and his ears fill with the noise of the train’s steady rattle, the taste is gone and he looks up to see that Johanna is hovering over him. Her hand on his shoulder. 

“Gale.”, she says quietly, relief rushing over her when he comes back to her. 

“I did it again.”, he says solemnly. 

“You did.”, she says and sits in her seat again, “We all do Gale, you just get better after a while.” 

Gale lowers his eyes, “I’m getting worse.” 

Johanna bits her lip,”It helps you know, talking to someone-”

“Jo.”, He cuts her off but can’t find his next words, “I can’t, talking makes it worse. I can’t… I can’t-”, he trails off, loses his chain of thought. His hand rubs his brow, “I’m not good at talking.” 

Johanna nods, her brows furrow, “You have to let it out somehow. “

Gale gets what she means, Johanna talks, Peeta draws and Katniss finds her salvation in him. 

Her eyes light up and her hands go into her bag and she scowls as she pushes past all the useless items. 

Gale watches curiously. 

Then she presses a notebook and pen into his hands and Gale frowns, “What am I gonna do with this?”

“You don’t like talking right? You aren’t very artistic either, so you write your feelings in the book. It helps keep it off your mind-”

“You want me to keep a _diary_?”, Gale can’t describe the feeling, it’s similar to feeling insulted. 

“If you want to call it that.” 

Gale looks down at it, it’s green, small and doesn’t have many pages. A ghost of a smile forms on his lips, “I’ll need a bigger one. I’ve got 7 years of stuff to write about.”

Johanna grins, “You’ll have to make do for now.” 

Gale spends the last few hours hunched over the dairy, hastily writing down his thoughts and nightmares, his writing isn’t neat, it’s more like a scribble. but he can read it. Johanna explains that it’s a self assessment of how you are feeling, a way of keeping everything in check. 

The first few pages are filled with writing that has lines crossed over it, missing sentences and disorganized thoughts but he gets the hang of it. 

Soon enough, the endless stretch of the forest turns into sand and water as far as his eye can see. It’s dark blue, he sees the waves lapping against the shore, he sees people walking and swimming with an ease and grace that he can never achieve. 

Gale can swim, he was horrible at it first, he could swim enough to survive, that’s what counted. But during the revolution, he had to be trained to be more efficient, so he could save a life if it came to that. They were trained in pairs and of all people he was paired with Finnick Odair, an angry Gale had gone to Plutarch, who explained that they were the only two who were physically equal . Gale understood immediately, most of the men on board were younger than him, regular civilians, none bore the same muscled body as Gale did, If a few did, they weren’t nearly as tall. Finnick Odair also passed 6 feet and was probably more built than Gale was but not stronger. Gale knew quickly that if he wasn’t so malnutritioned, he would have a chance to look like that. If he hadn’t skipped some meals so his siblings could eat and after 12 if he was given more than the mush that he got in District 13 that was similar to Greasy Sae’s soup. 

They barely spoke in the first few weeks of training, He pondered about his Annie, Gale thought of how he was slowly losing his bond with Katniss. They developed a relationship that Gale couldn’t call a friendship because it wasn’t that endearing, it was practical. Finnick taught Gale how to swim, throw a spear, tie a variety of knots. He remembers seeing Finnick cut through the waves, he was graceful, his arms and legs were in sync, the muscles in his back moving. Gale caught on quickly but the ease and grace was never his strong suit. He was fast but his limbs didn’t move with the same ease. 

Gale taught Finnick how to fire a gun, crossbow, hand to hand combat and how to make snares, that wasn’t a requirement but it was still fun. Sometimes when he couldn’t sleep he’d find Finnick, take the spare rope and teach him a snare, in return Finnick taught him a knot. One day Finnick admitted that was his favorite lesson from Gale and Gale admitted the feeling was mutual. 

They always got an audience when they spared, Cressida joked it was because they were, ‘ _the best looking soldiers in all of District 13’_ , Gale knew it was more for Finnick than him, Finnick, who said that, ‘ _I get sweaty quickly’,_ with a wry grin before pulling off his shirt. That was what caught the attention of many women. The older man wasn’t lying like Gale thought he was. Sometimes Gale would have a grip on him and he’d just slip through and have him pinned to the mat, which annoyed Gale greatly and one day he remarked, ‘ _Is that what you’ll do Odair, take off your shirt and slip your way through?’,_ Finnick had shrugged, ‘ _Who knows, it might work!’_ . Gale was unprepared for the time when he had his arms locked around his torso and he just slipped through with a _pop_ and Gale had laughed a little too boisterously because the noise he made was too comical. Plutarch, who was watching them, scowled. Rambled on about how, _‘Odair’s ruining my best soldier’._

Finnick had smiled, there was a pain in his eyes but the smile was warm and said quietly, ‘ _You should smile more often, you’d have the hearts of many other women, you wouldn’t need Katniss_.’

It had thrown Gale off, because Finnick Odair was not known to be quiet and genuine. He was loud and charming but Gale had returned the smile, “ _Too bad, her’s is the only one I want_.” 

They both hated weightlifting equally. Finnick was already a physical abomination and he hated muscle soars, he preferred doing laps through the cool waters. Gale because he didn’t think it was reasonable, He preferred running through the woods, feeling his heart hammering against his ribs and soaking in the incredible views around him. He preferred training his stamina. Yes weightlifting made him muscular and more athletic and possibly made him look stronger. Which would indicate that District 13 had taken the starving, whipped boy from 12 and turned him into a healthy, capable soldier but that didn't’ stop him from being irritated from the muscle soars like Finnick and ask Plutarch, _‘What am I gonna do? Throw a dumble at the peacekeeper’s head?’ ,_ he had heard a chuckle and when he had looked back, Finnick was grinning, _‘Fair point.’._ Once, just once he couldn't complete an exercise, it was the bench press. Their trainer had written down their regime and today Gale was supposed to lift an unreasonable weight, he thought it was unreasonable because he was still new to this and what good was having a muscular chest going to do him? 

Gale found out that under the personalities that they both thought the other had, they both had a sarcastic humor. Gale thought Finnick was over the top, charming and extravagant. Finnick thought that Gale was always scowling, brooding and angry. Finnick wasn’t that far off because even in his jokes, Gale had a spite for the Capitol. They both were competitive. They both made remarks and they both left their pain outside the door when they trained. 

Once he found Cressida and Finnick entangled in a debate during dinner. When he approached he saw that they were debating if Finnick was stronger or Gale, Finnick was arguing that Gale was and Gale knew that they both evened each other out and he was about to say that when Finnick looked at him and said, “ _Gale, can you flex_?” 

Gale was about to refuse but then he saw both of their eyes boring into him, Finnick’s expectantly and he wasn’t going to back down so he raised his arms and tightened his muscles and he had a feeling that more people were staring at him than anticipated but Finnick had gotten up quickly, poked his bicep and loudly said, ‘ _See! How am I going to compete with that!’_

Cressida had raised her hands in defeat. 

When Annie returned and jumped onto Finnick, Gale was happy for them, there was warmth bubbling inside him and he didn’t regret signing up to save them. He could admit that he had gone in for Peeta Mellark, he couldn’t see Katniss lose herself so slowly and painfully but this reunion had surely brought him more happiness. Finnick had looked at a battered, bruised and bleeding Gale and whispered, ‘ _Thank-you_.’, Gale had decided at that moment that it was worth it and smiled. 

He remembers when Finnick got married. Finnick was beaming, he was smiling so brightly that he could light up the whole District. When Gale went at night to check if he was awake, he was sitting in his usual spot but he was smiling from ear to ear, ‘ _How will I ever repay you?’_

_‘Love her and keep her happy.’,_ Gale replied. 

‘ _Well aren’t you a hopeless romantic?’_

Gale had snorted, ‘ _With no one who loves him.’_

‘ _You’ll find someone, I know it.’_

The wedding organizer had interrupted their grappling session, Finnick had Gale’s head in a headlock and Gale was about to give up, he asked Finnick who he wanted his best man to be and without hesitation he looked down at Gale, ruffled his hair and said, ‘ _Gale Hawthorne.’_ and Gale had used the distraction to twist out of Finnick’s grip and push him onto the ground, ‘ _Don’t make me change my mind Hawthorne.’,_ He had said teasingly, Gale had smirked, ‘ _Like I care.’_

Gale was delighted when they got married, he congratulated Finnick multiple times and asked Plutarch that just for one day, no one talked about the war or the Capitol. He watched Katnip dance with Prim, watched the bride and groom. He felt the contentment in the air that he only felt when there were festivals and weddings back home. 

When the night was about to end he honestly told Finnick that, ‘ _If you both stay together, I’d happily never marry Katniss.’_

Finnick’s eyes had glinted, he had grinned and said, ‘ _Don’t expect the same from me, I’m not giving up Annie.’_

The happiness that had only lasted a day because the next day he watched the mutts rip off his head. Heard his cries of pain. 

Gale was angry and sad all at once. Angry at the Capitol for killing him and sad because he’ll never see that beaming smile again. That he couldn’t save him and above all that his child would never see his father. 

He had realized that they were _friends_ and that they had each other’s backs. That beneath all the snarky jokes and remarks Gale cared about him. Gale had a horrible feeling that Finnick cared about him too. It was horrible because they never admitted it. 

He had a sick realization that war didn’t spare the good and innocent, it took everyone. It tore families apart, broke them beyond redemption. That there was no winning without unwanted sacrifice. 

He wanted to put a bullet into Snow’s head now more than ever. 

So he joined Katniss in her plan to assassinate Snow because he didn’t want to watch another Annie lose her Finnick. 

The only thing that Gale said when they were all sharing their thoughts was that, ‘ _He died with honor and he died selflessly. He was a hero and he will be remembered. ‘_ because that’s all he could manage with his heavy heart and tightened throat. 

As he watches the waves, Finnick Odair is all he can think about. So he begins writing about him too. Who knows, years after he’s dead, they might use this journal and put it in a museum and he doesn’t want the world to forget him so fast. 

The train pulls into District 4 and Gale snaps out of his thoughts. 

He looks up and sees that Johanna is the one that dozed off now, her head resting against the window, her mouth slightly agape and Gale smiles. 

“Jo.”, he shakes her gently. 

She changes her position a bit but doesn’t wake up. 

“Jo, we’re here.” 

Still no response. 

The electronic voice begins the announcement that the train is about to leave and Gale’s heart rate increases. 

“Damnit, Jo! Wake up!”, there’s urgency in his voice and he shakes her harder. 

She wakes up abruptly, her eyes snap open and examine the area like she’s looking for a threat but they focus on Gale and the alarm in them lessens until it ceases to exist, “What?”

“We’re here, let’s go.” 

Gale can’t describe what the area smells like, like the sea? Does the sea even have a smell? Gale wouldn’t know. He does know that the sound of the waves crashing against the dock is soothing. That the breeze that washes over him is cool and refreshing. He also notices that it is hot. 

“What do you think?”, Johanna asks. 

“I could get used to it.”, he replies. 

He hears a weird screeching noise and he sees flocks of white birds with a little black on their wings swarming around discarded food. He wonders if people eat them here or if they are well fed. If these were in 12, Gale is sure that they would have ended up in his snares. They aren’t fast and they stay on the ground for prolonged amounts of time. 

“They are called seagulls.”, Johanna says, eyes locked on the same birds, “they’re annoying as hell, not nice to the ears.” 

Gale nods, he wonders if Annie would like some of those for dinner, “I noticed that too.” 

Johanna wants a snack and Gale doesn’t argue. So they make their way over to the shops and Johanna hands him what she calls a clam, it has a hard surface like a rock but it’s thin and smoother. On the inside there’s a weird goo like substance. 

Johanna tilts her head back and gulps it in one go. 

Gale copies and gags immediately. It feels wrong and disgusting. He wants to throw it back up immediately. 

Johanna laughs and hands him a drink. 

Gale doesn’t look at what it is and chugs, hoping it’ll wash down the clams. When he looks at it it’s in a weird triangular glass, it’s like water but not as translucent and it has a lemon on the side. It also tastes a little sour and it stings when it goes down his throat but it’s not that bad, “What’s this?” 

“ A martini.” 

“A what?”

“Alcohol.” 

He smiles wryly, “I’m sure I’ll make a great impression if I’m drunk.” 

“ What did you think of the clams?”

“They’re horrible.” 

“ It was written over your face.”, she grins. 

Gale grimances, “ Let’s get some _real_ food.” 

“Annie probably made dinner, I told her we’re coming when you were asleep.” 

“How far is her house?” 

“We’ll take a car.” 

“Sounds good.” 

The car comes with a driver and Gale doesn’t trust people easily. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t know the way. Maybe it’s the training that District 13 jammed into his brain, _don’t trust anyone but yourself_ and maybe it’s mixed with his own instincts as a hunter. He only talked and traded with the people he knew, he couldn’t risk irritating someone with his trading methods and price only for them to tell a peacekeeper. But Johanna looks relaxed so he relaxes a little too. 

It takes about twenty minutes for them to reach Victor's Village. The houses are made of wood, they are tall with large decks. Each one is painted a shade of blue or green. He notices that they all have the beach behind them. There’s a few feet in between each house and there’s fences. 

Annie’s house is the corner of the street. It’s blue, there’s some toys scattered on the porch, and a rocking chair. 

They pay the driver who gives them a warm smile and wishes them a great day and Gale notices that he has sea green eyes that are very familiar, or is he hallucinating again? Before he can confirm anything the car is pulling away. 

Gale doesn’t know why his throat dries, he met her at the Christmas Party. Well, if saying Hi and nothing else counts. He feels fortunate that she wasn’t there for his breakdown, he wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye if she was. 

Johanna smiles as she rings the bell. 

Gale hears footsteps rushing down what he assumes are stairs, the lock turns and the door opens but he doesn’t see a face or anyone in general. He looks down to see Lucas smiling up at them, he’s a spitting image of his father, Gale noticed that before but it strikes him repetitively. An odd mixture of guilt and happiness. 

“Aunt Johanna!”, he says with glee. 

His arms open and Johanna falls onto her knee and laughs as he hugs her with full force, “I missed you so much!”

“ Same here kid.” She replies. 

Johanna lets go and lifts her bag, now his eyes lock with Gale and he looks at the ground. 

Gale doesn’t know if the kid’s old enough to understand sarcasm but he goes for it anyway, “ You miss me too?”, he grins. 

Lucas’s eyes twinkle, “Nope.”, he says and returns the wicked grin. 

“Just like your dad, aren’t you?” 

His eyes widen, “You knew him?” 

“Course I did.”, Gale pauses, “ I have a deal for you kid. I’ll tell you everything I know if you let me in.” 

The shy look returns, he looks at the ground again. His face redens, “Sorry about that, come in.” 

Gale ruffles Lucas’s hair as he goes by, “ It’s okay kid, we all make mistakes.” 

When he reaches the spacious living room he sees that Annie is squealing with excitement as she hugs Johanna and Gale is clueless, so he places his bag onto the island and when he turns around Annie is smiling warmly at him, “ Hi Gale.” 

He raises a brow, “ Hi Annie.” 

“ I see that you don’t like shaving.” 

Gale scratches his beard, “ Your right about that…plus, Prim loves it.” 

Annie chuckles, “ I’m glad that you came.” 

“Are you sure about that?” 

“Yeah, we don’t get that many guests around here.”, She looks at Johanna, “Except her, she practically lives here.” 

Gale laughs. 

Johanna puts a hand to her chest and poorly acts like she’s offended. 

He’s seated on the couch when Lucas jumps onto the couch beside him. 

“Can you tell me about Dad, please?” 

Gale gulps, “Well where do I start-” 

“Wherever you feel like it.” 

“ Well we were training together because we were the only ones that evened each other out. We taught each other stuff. I taught him to fire a gun, crossbow, hand to hand combat and how to set snares. He taught me to swim _properly_ , how to throw a trident, to tie knots.” 

Gale told Lucas everything he thought was appropriate. He left out the sleepless nights, loads of anxiety and pain. He told Lucas about how sweaty his dad was. How he helped Gale with the bench press. How happy he was when he got married and how he was happier when he found out that Annie was having Lucas. How everyone said that he was stronger than Finnick. 

Gale relives the happiness of those moments. 

He loses all track of time. 

The kid didn’t move from his spot. His legs are crossed, his elbows rest on his knees and his hands hold their face. He listens intently with interest and he nods eagerly for Gale to continue. 

Gale finishes and when he looks up at the clock, it has been 2 hours since he began talking. Gale stretches his legs. He never talks that long, but he guesses that there’s many expectations to break in the days to come. 

“Can you show me?”, Lucas asks. 

“Show you what?”

“How you throw a trident.”

“I’m not nearly as good as him you know.” 

“ It would still be really cool though because if he taught you then you might throw just a bit like him.”

“Sure, how about tomorrow? It’s late today.” 

“Okay! I’m hungry anyways.” , He takes off to what Gale assumes is the direction of the kitchen. 

Annie approaches him and she has a similar look to him, the mixture of guilt and happiness. She fiddles with her hands, “I didn’t know you knew him so well. I learned about some of the stuff I missed out on too. “ 

Johanna stands closely behind. 

“We both couldn’t sleep at night.”, Gale tells her, “I’d find him tying knots and I'd just sit by him. You know, in all of the time we spent together… I never saw him as happy as the day when you guys reunited. “ 

Johanna’s voice comes from behind him, “ Why couldn’t you sleep?” 

Gale jumps, “ Do you _like_ scaring me? “ 

Johanna stares at him, expects him to go on. 

“After I escaped 12, I just couldn’t sleep for a while. Even when I did I had nightmares of the place blowing up again. Of people dying and me not being able to save them. Plus I didn’t know if the revolution would succeed…”, Gale stops, '' I had a lot of stuff to worry about.” 

Johanna nods, her hands go to his shoulders. Begins massaging them for no reason, “You know, we made a plan when you were sleeping.” 

“Okay.”, he says unsurely. 

“We were hoping to send Lucas to his friends house for the night so we could have a night out. You know drinking, partying, all that fun stuff.” 

“You’re telling me this because?” 

“Because we want you to come with us.” 

Gale’s lips pull into a tight line, “Why?” 

Johanna raises her brow, ‘what do you mean why?”

“ Well I'm not into parties, I don't like drinking… I could go on you know.” 

“Oh, believe me, you’ll love this one.”

“ Sure I will.” 

“Come on, _please._ ” 

“Fine.” 

Gale watches the neon lights flashing across the bar and the feeling bubbling inside him can only be described by bitterness. They remind him of the capitol. He’d seen a few buildings flashing with the same lights. Heard the heavy beat of the music. He had assimilated into the crowd to escape the peacekeepers and it had worked miracles. The peacekeepers went right past him. In the few minutes he was there, he saw people dancing, eating and drinking. Then they would throw up to repeat the process. He could only think that his family would be able to live off that much food for a month. 

To his surprise, they push through the crowd in the dimly lit building to a wooden balcony. There were a few bean bags and comfortable looking couches. He could see the waves crashing against the dock. 

“What do you think.” 

“ It may not be as bad as I thought it would be.” 

Johanna introduces him to a few of Annie’s friends. But from they all smiled and hugged Johanna, Gale reckons that they’re probably Johanna’s friends too at this point. They all introduce themselves to Gale. A purple haired woman named Alex, who smiles at him warmly.. A curly dark haired boy named Dean who doesn’t seem to care about the party and the last person who smirks as his hand slides into Gale’s. He’s barely an inch shorter, which is odd to Gale. He has salt and pepper hair that’s slicked back and he looks Gale over in a way which Gale doesn’t appreciate. 

“ Hi, I'm Xavier.” 

His voice is like a low drawl and Gale wonders what the man is trying to achieve. 

“Gale.” 

“Oh everyone knows you. You’re the best looking face in the rebellion.” 

Gale’s eyebrows shoot up, he’s _flirting._ He looks over to Johanna expecting a somewhat jealous look on her face but instead sees her smirking with a mischievous glint in her eyes and he can tell she’s daring him to keep going.

“ Glad to know you think that.” , Gale says and sits down beside Johanna. 

Conversation flows easily. They all know each other quite well at this point. So they speak and Gale listens, happy that no one asks him to contribute.. He learns that Alex is a nice person who fears nothing. That Dean is the opposite and that there are a few things that he doesn’t fear.

“ And Dean is a huge flirt!”, Annie adds as she takes a sip of her drink, “Hits on everyone he meets.” 

Dean is about to object when Gale intervenes, “I noticed.”, He finishes the remainder of his whiskey. 

There’s a round of chuckles. Dean looks at them like they are going to fight. 

Xavier flushes. His mouth opens and clamps shut. He looks at Gale, who narrows his eyes at him competitively. Xavier grins. 

“Let’s play a game!”, Johanna yells suddenly. She swayes a bit and Gale’s hands shoot up to catch her if she falls. Dean and Alex coo at how caring Gale is and Gale smiles shyly and Johanna waves it off, “ You have to dance with a person-” 

“That’s lame.”, Dean objects.

“Shut up. But that person can’t be your partner.” 

Gale scowls and Johanna grins down at him. 

“Oooh, that’s interesting.”, Alex claps her hands excitedly, “ Dean?”

“What no-”

“Dean?”, she says more sternly. 

“Okay.” 

Johanna goes beside Annie and they both smile goofily, maybe because they’re both drunk. 

Gale’s eyes meet Xavier’s, who looks at him expectantly, “ Gale.” 

“Sure, _sweetheart_.”, he replies. Stealing a word from Haymitch’s vocabulary. 

Everyone links arms as they head back to the dance floor and Gale gets up stiffly. His throat dries when Xavier’s hand snakes around him and holds his waist. 

Gale hears a wolf whistle and is momentarily shocked when he sees it’s Johanna who initiated it. 

Gale stands out on the dance floor because he doesn’t dance, he’s never had a good reason to nor did he ever feel content enough. 

‘Don’t you like dancing?” 

“No.” 

“Makes sense.” 

Xavier, unlike him. Moves with grace, his hands run through his hair and he kinda circles Gale and looks at him if he’s paying attention and Gale is because this whole situation is absurd and Gale can’t think of something else to focus on. 

“ Why don’t you like dancing?”

“ Never felt like it.” 

“Hmm.” 

He sees Annie go up to the stage and say something to the DJ. Then the music changes from electronic beats to slow and Gale smiles, “ I know how to dance to this.”, he steps forward, guides Xavier’s hands to his shoulders and holds his waist. 

Xavier smiles, “ Why is that?” 

“ This is the kind of dance we had in 12. We didn’t have DJs to play music for us, only a guitar and a few singers. “

They dance for a few more beats. 

“If you don’t mind, why did you become a soldier?” 

Gale gulps,” well, I was angry… at the Capitol mostly. I thought the Games were wrong and unfair. It was wrong that they ate till they puked and lived long healthy lives while our children were taken away and we starved to death. They abused us and I had the chance to end that.” 

Gale expirementaly twirls Xavier and he laughs, “ You’re quite charming aren’t you?” 

‘I’d say so.” 

“Too bad you’re taken.” 

“ Too bad.”, Gale returns the easy smile, “ So... you like men?” 

“Both men and women.”, he answers, “ It’s funny that that was illegal a few years ago.” 

“ It is. “

“But you and Johanna are awesome together, I’d hate to ruin that.” 

“Thanks, I’m sure you’ll find someone. You aren’t so bad yourself.” 

“ Oh but I won’t find anyone like you.”, He says sarcastically. 

Gale laughs, “ That you won’t.” 

The night ends too fast and Gale doesn’t push Xavier away when he swoops in for a hug. 

“ Hope to see you soon Hawthorne.” 

“ Hope you have a boyfriend by then Xavier.” 

The trio leaves and Gale is happy that he came. 

“ So do you regret it?”, Johanna asks, she’s practically leaning all of her body weight on Gale because unlike him, she is very drunk. 

“ No.” 

“How could he? He met _Xavier.”,_ Annie says and they both laugh giddily. 

_“_ You know if you weren’t with me-” 

_“_ Don’t say that.”

“ You should date him.” 

“ I don’t… I can’t.” 

“Ah, so you don’t like men.” 

“Not like that.” 

“Good to know.” _,_ Johanna grins, “ Don’t want my only decent boyfriend to leave now do I?” 

Gale feels a sudden warmth bubble in him when she refers to him as her boyfriend and he feels a surge of hope that he didn’t really feel with Katniss, that resulted in confusion and pain. It was amazing before the games, the both of them together under blankets, with some tea to drink in the serenity of the woods. It was comforting for both of them but after that was where lines got blurred because for Katniss it was comforting and nothing more. She didn’t feel the heat that kindled in his chest everytime she smiled or laughed or even teased him. Katniss’s heart didn’t shatter like glass like his did when Katniss and Peeta pretended to be giddy lovers and kissed warmly. Katniss was busy surviving, that was her priority at first, that was the salve that he applied to the gap in him that no other girl could fill. But then that changed too, in the Quell, he watched them kiss and watched Katniss whisper that she needed Peeta and he knew her too well, so he knew that the words that leave her mouth are true. Yet he’s still so damned confused because when he pressed her lips to hers before her 2nd games, she leaned into the kiss. 

Confusion, pain, anger. 

The three emotions are on repeat every time he sees them together. They spike when she told him that she can’t love anyone but then confesses her love to Peeta and that they are getting married and Gale doubts if it’s still a strategy. But he still feels a relief when she survives and he should have hated Peeta but he still feels relief when he breathes again because he can’t watch a familiar face die smd because he knows Katniss won’t be able to take it but the pain returns when they embrace. 

Confusion, pain, anger. 

Madge really loved him, he knows and spites himself for being delusional and thinking that Katniss loved him. Katniss was still an open wound but Gale knows that he developed feelings for her. That instead of dark braided hair, he dreamed of running his hands through her curly blonde locks. He remembers when dreams of her were comforting, before the morphed into nightmares. Madge knew he’d figure it out and he did but it was too late. 

But Johanna likes him and she’s here and he’s here too. Gale knows that the feeling is mutual. He knows because she kisses him back, because when his hand runs through her hair, her hand traces patterns on his chest. He knows because she isn’t faking a love story with a boy from 7 and kiss him more passionately than she ever kisses him. Gale knows because her eyes light up when she sees him just like his do. 

They may not have confessed anything to each other but she has a look in her eyes that she only saves for him and there’s a sense of stability in that which is new for Gale because Katniss was never his and Madge wasn’t with him long enough for him to speak up. 

If Johanna leaves, he’ll be heartbroken but she will be clear and above any of his feelings, he respects her and will not beg her to stay. Gale is happy that he moved on, that he found her and even if they broke up, he’ll still be grateful. 

“What are you thinking about?”

Gale smiles, “You.” 

Annie cooes, “Awww.”

Johanna snorts, “Bullshit.” 

Annie slaps her on the shoulder, “ Sorry about her. She’s not good at _feelings_.”

“Wanna know something interesting?”

Annie nods. 

“Neither am I.” 

Johanna chuckles, ‘ There’s some truth to that.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a lot of staggering, tripping and swearing, mostly on Johanna’s part, they arrive at Annie’s house. The door creaks as it opens but there’s no one home so the two women make little to no effort to stay quiet. Gale on the other hand, has developed a habit of being light on his feet and always being as quiet as possible. He was a hunter, he couldn’t afford to scare away the game. Sometimes he arrived at home very late and he’d have to weave through the sleeping bodies of his family members. So now he’s always quiet. Something that Katniss told him, would help him in the Games if he was ever reaped. 

Annie and Johanna aren’t sleepy despite all the alcohol and Annie says they want some ‘girl talk’. So Gale wishes them both goodnight and flops onto the guest room bed. He doesn’t sleep very deeply, small sounds like the tap turning on and a toilet flushing cause his eyes to snap open again. 

Gale doesn’t like sleeping on his shoulder but he tries to give it a shot. The mattress is soft so it dips underneath his weight so the position is not as comfortable as usual. He’s on the brink of deep sleep when an arm wraps loosely around his side and a cold hand presses against his abdomen. The immediate scent of pine needles let’s him know who it is immediately. 

Gale smiles sleepily, “Hey.” 

Johanna yawns in reply, her chin rests on his shoulders but it’s kind of awkward because her body doesn’t drape around his larger one like his does around her. He feels her breath on his neck and stops the urge to shudder. 

Johanna scowls, “This is uncomfortable.”

“Wanna switch?”

Johanna gets up without warning and Gale freezes in his position when she crawls over him, afraid that she might accidentally hit him. Luckily for him the tactic works and he uncurls to welcome her. Johanna curls into a fetal position and Gale’s arm wraps around her, his head is above her chin and his legs bend so they match hers. 

“Better?”, Gale whispers. 

“Better.” 

The next morning, Gale wakes up to see that Johanna is gone once again and the space beside him where she was is cold and empty. Gale groans as his head throbs. His hands go to his temples and rub them. He hadn’t gotten drunk in a while and he had forgotten what hangovers feel like, he’s sure he didn’t miss them. 

Gale rolls out of bed and makes his way to the washroom, brushes and takes a shower and hopes that it would make him ‘wake up’ and feel better. He does but his head still throbs. He makes his way down the creaky stairs and on the Kitchen’s island there’s a note with a warm cup of tea, toast, a glass of water and a pill. 

He reads the note. 

_We’re going grocery shopping, you’re welcome for the tea and pain-killer. If you don’t like the tea, don’t tell me._

_~ Johanna_

Gale smiles. Her voice plays in his head when he reads it. He can even hear the sharp sarcasm. He feels satisfaction that he’s getting to know her so well and that unlike him, she doesn’t push him away. 

Gale wolfs down the toast, takes the pill, drinks the water and carefully holds his tea and makes his way through the channels. 

Lucas sits on the couch, flips to the tv channels with a bored look on his face. 

“Morning.”, He wishes monotonically. 

“Morning.”, Gale says back and sits down on the couch adjacent to him. 

He watches the endless sea green water, tries to find a point where it stops, it’s a serene sight but he can’t help but think of the sea green eyed man who was the kid’s father. Sees him sad and then sees him happy and then dead on repeat and Gale’s hand rubs his temples again to ground himself. 

He takes a sip of his tea. 

“So?” 

“So what?”, Gale asks. 

“When are you going to teach me how to throw a trident?” 

“Ah.”, Gale forgot completely because of course he did.

Lucas smiles, “Forgot?”

“Yeah, i’m so sorry-”

“Can you still teach me?” 

“Sure, I’ll just finish my tea first but I’ll uh… have to warn you that it’s been really long since I even _touched_ a trident.”

“That’s okay, it’ll still be cool.” 

Gale has a feeling he’ll make a fool of himself, “Hopefully.” 

They walk into the backyard barefoot and the sand is hot against his feet, the sun shines over them and Gale wonders how long he’s been asleep for it to be so bright outside. 

Gale squints but Lucas has no problem with the unusual amount of sunlight. 

Lucas pats the dust off an old box that is longer than it is tall. He opens the box and his lips pull into a smile. The silver trident glints in the sunlight. Lucas sets it’s bottom against the ground and holds it up effortlessly. The trident is taller than he is. The prongs are almost a foot above his head. Gale is amazed at how it looks brand new. 

“It’s in good condition.”, Gale keeps his voice from being hoarse because the child looks exactly like his father. Like he would look like when he was 7 years old. From the way his hair falls over his face to how his face morphs when he smiles and Gale's heart aches because Finnick should be able to see this but he can’t. 

“Here.”, Lucas steps toward him. 

The metal is cool in his hands. He notices that it isn’t smooth where his hand is, it’s rougher so he can grip it more properly. It barely comes up past his shoulders. The prongs aren’t curved like he’s usually seen, instead they are rigid, the 2 on the sides are like knives while the one in the middle resembles the top of a spear. 

Gale gulps and looks at Lucas. 

The kid is looking at him in awe. Like he’s Lucas’s hero and Gale feels sheepish because he doesn’t think he’s worthy of that look. 

“You look really cool.”, he says quietly, “ It suits you.” 

Gale grins because if the kid thinks he’s a role model then he can at least pretend to be one. 

Lucas claps, “Let’s get to practice.” 

Gale gulps, “Okay.” 

Gale racks his brain for Finnick’s instructions and after a few minutes and after some struggle he remembers.

In this time Lucas sets up a barrel for him to hit. Gale lifts the trident and it feels alien and familiar at the same time because he hasn’t done it for years but it’s almost as if his memory doesn’t know what he’s doing and his body does. 

Gale balances the weight, he can’t do this if the trident is tipsy. He quietly tells Lucas instructions, “Grip it here.”, Gale’s hand slides to the correct position. 

“Put your fingers like this.”, he lowers the trident so Lucas can see. 

“Make sure it’s balanced.”, Gale carefully unwraps his palms and the trident doesn’t move on his palms and Lucas’s eyes widen. 

“Don’t overthrow it, too much force ruins your aim. Use momentum and your full body, not just your arms, that makes the throw flimsy and go through with the throw, don’t stop.”, Gale pulls his arm back and when he brings the trident forward his body moves with it. He does the motion slowly so Lucas can observe everything. 

“Should I go for it?” 

“Yes!” 

Gale takes a deep breath and braces his body. 

He relaxes his tense muscles.

Gale’s heart hammers against his chest, sweat forms on his brow. 

His feet take a step. 

His arm pulls back then it surges forward as he lets go. 

The trident sails swiftly it hits the top of the barrel, the force knocks it over and the trident clatters to the ground. 

‘Not bad.”, Gale chuckles, “That could have been worse.” 

“That was… AWESOME!”, Lucas is trembling with excitement and starts rambling about how cool Gale looked and how he’s so excited to learn from him and Gale beams the whole time and he doesn’t know why but Gale feels proud that he invoked this reaction. 

Gale does it a few more times and eventually he nails the beaten down barrel through the center and Lucas runs victory laps around the backyard. 

“C’mon kid.”, Gale ruffles his hair, “ Let’s go inside.” 

When he heads inside, Lucas goes up to his room and Annie pulls him aside in the kitchen. It turns out that she and Johanna, who was upstairs as well, had watched the entire thing. 

Annie has an unreadable expression, her eyes brew a storm of happiness, guilt and sadness all at once, “ How did you learn to throw one?”, her voice is awfully quiet. 

“Finnick taught me.”

Her grip tightens on his sleeve and her bottom lip trembles, “ When you were teaching Lucas, I saw him.”, Annie looks up and her eyes teary, “ I saw a glimpse of Finnick in _you_ and I know that no one can ever replace his place but that’s almost exactly what I thought he would act like that, just proud and-and happy.” 

Gale holds her hand supportively. 

“ You don’t owe me anything Gale but if you could visit once in a while, it would be great because I think he sees a father figure in you and I try my best but...but I think he really needs one.” 

Gale is speechless and Annie takes it the wrong way. 

“I’m sorry that was dumb of me. You must think i’m insane, I get it, you barely know me and I’m asking for such a huge favor-” 

“Annie.” 

“ Yeah?” 

“ I’d be honored.” 

Annie smiles and wipes away a tear quickly. It’s only a ghost of the happiness that he’s seen on her face when she got married but it’s still enough to make his heart swell. 

“You scared me for a second there.”, she laughs nervously. 

Gale grins, “ I tend to do that alot.” 

Annie laughs, “Yeah you do.” 

He turns around and Johanna stans there, leaning against the wall, “Gale?”

“Johanna.” 

“Don’t you have enough kids?” 

It takes a moment for him to register that she implies that his siblings are his kids, and she isn’t wrong. He was the one who went to work to feed them, went to some of the parent meetings when his mom was too busy. Helped with their education. Scolded them when required. He was their provider so in a weird way, he was like a father figure to them. It was weird because their mother was his mother too, “Shut up.” 

He reckons that if his relationship with Lucas would develop the same way it would be equally weird to have a father figure who doesn’t love your mom but loves your Auntie Johanna. Gale shakes of the thought. 

“Annie?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s get him to call me uncle.” 

Annie cringes as she catches onto his chain of thought and nods, ‘Yeah… yeah that’s a good idea.”

Johanna snorts, “ The kid’s gonna have a weird family tree.” 

Gale chuckles, “ Not as weird as Prim’s though. Her mom has a _cousin_ who occasionally kissed her.” 

Annie shakes her head but smiles anyway while Johanna has a hearty laugh and raises her glass of water like a toast, “ Here’s to messed up families.” 

“Here’s to messed up families.”, Annie and Gale repeat. 

That’s something they have in common Gale notes. Johanna doesn’t have a family. Gale is like a father to his siblings. Annie doesn’t have a husband so her kid doesn’t have a father and now Gale has signed up to try and fill in those shoes. 

Even with the missing pieces, Gale has a gut feeling that they’ll manage to fill the gaps and be complete. Hell, they’ll probably make something equally as beautiful as a complete family along the way.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to upload you guys! When I was typing it on docs it was like 48 pages long and here it looks considerably shorter.
> 
> I decided to make a Gale and Finnick friendship because they're both like on opposite ends of the spectrum because Gale's often quiet and angry and Finnick is boisterous and charming. also It helps make a connection between Gale and Lucas, they both miss Finnick and I can see Gale stepping up and becoming Lucas's father figure too. I do think that Gale is like a father figure for his siblings, the reasons are already listed in the chapter. 
> 
> The Johanna/Gale relationship also developed a bit and Gale and Katniss talked about their past, I'm tying a lot of loose ends in this one. 
> 
> I also noticed that not alot of the characters have a family without someone who's dead while other's don't have family at all. 
> 
> I've decided to take the longer chapters route because personally short chapters annoy me. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please do tell me about grammar mistakes and kudos are appreciated.


	9. Part 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She makes his chest feel heavy with guilt when she’s sad and makes it swell with warmth when she’s affectionate. 
> 
> Gale has a feeling that this is beyond ‘liking’ or being attracted to her. He cares so much about her that those words seem too shallow to describe his feelings. 
> 
> He wants her to be with him. 
> 
> She’s snaked her way into his visions of what happiness looks like.

It is their last day at District 4, Annie’s begged them enough to make them stay another night but Gale has to get back, he needs to figure his life out again because he needs to find a job again and fix things with his family. Technically, he still works for the government but they clearly don’t need him anymore, he’s a soldier and there is no war and Gale likes it this way. Plus he thinks of quitting his job because he’s done what he wanted, the Rebels succeeded, the new government has risen and nothing has disturbed the serene and tranquil peace that followed.

The rage driven flame in him has burned out. It had to eventually because the Capitol has fallen, Coin is dead, Snow died three years ago in prison.

Maybe that’s a good thing, Gale thinks because now he can enjoy his life without worrying that everything good about it would be snatched away from him.

Okay, Gale admits that there’s still traces of rage that’ll probably never disappear because that’s what drove him throughout the years and it isn’t going to vanish completely. But it is reduced to bitter thoughts rather than being an inferno that consumed his entire being.

It’s ironic to him that they called Katniss the ‘Girl On Fire’ when she never really intended to start a revolution. In the final few months of the old Panem, she wanted Peeta back, that was her motivation. She saw bloodshed and loss, something that Gale saw as well but he knew it was the only way because the President who smelled like blood and roses wasn’t going to sit down and talk.

Gale met Snow. He was sent to do a checkup on him, see if he was alive and if he wasn’t, report it and have the body disposed of.

_As soon as the scent of roses and blood filled his nostrils, it caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand._

_‘ Ah, the handsome cousin. I should have had you killed.’, he states bluntly._

_Gale looks at him stoically. He doesn’t look anything like the imposing, well groomed figure on the televisions. His hair sticks to his forehead. His beard is untamed. His clothes are rumpled and dirty. He can barely sit up, he trembles with the effort._

_‘ Yes you should have.’, Gale returns, ‘Tell me, how long do you think you’ll last in these cells with no one who gives a damn about you on the premise?’_

_Snow laughs, it’s a weak laugh, not booming, ‘ I survived before, I’ll survive again. Don’t you think the mastermind behind the games would know a tad bit about survival?’_

_‘ No, I don’t think a rich fat pig like yourself would be able to survive.’_

_There’s a moment of silence and Gale feels this surge of content surge over him as the words leave his mouth because he’s wanted to insult the tyrant in the cell for so long and now he finally has the chance._

_Gale notes that no one has talked to him like that in a while, so Gale chuckles when he sees Snow sneering at him._

_“ You think you’re the only one who can play mind games old man?”_

_Gale looks into his eyes and knows almost immediately that he is utterly and completely insane. Desperation, hunger. He’s beginning to resemble the innocent tributes that were on the verge of death._

_“ What are you going to do? Kill me?”_

Gale can’t explain the undying hatred towards the man… no, Gale doesn’t think Snow is worthy enough to be called a man. You need to have some trace of a consciousness to be a man, that makes you regret the bad things you’ve done and Gale never saw a trace of regret on his face, not even when he died.

When Snow died and the reporters swarmed around him because the star crossed lovers, Annie Cresta and Johanna Mason were all retired. They asked him what his thoughts were. Gale didn’t hesitate, _‘He didn’t deserve to die, he deserved to suffer forever for what he did.’_

The words are honest and Gale still believes them today.

Gale shakes his head.

He isn’t letting a dead tyrant into his thoughts.

Gale is taking Lucas to the Beach today, it’s just the 2 of them because Annie doesn’t want her hair to get all tangled again and Gale doesn’t feel the need to ask Johanna to come.

It’s kind of grey outside but according to Annie it’ll pass before they reach the Beach.

“It’s been so long since we went to the Beach!”, Lucas exclaims, “ I’m so excited!”

The kid isn’t as shy around Gale anymore and that makes his heart swell because that only indicates that the kid trusts him now.

“ You just went 4 days ago Luc. “, Annie says, she smiles as she ruffles his hair, “ Don’t you remember?”

Annie packs their bag. She puts in snacks, drinks, sunscreen amongst many other things that Gale probably won't even touch. But he still thanks her and swings the bag over his shoulder.

Lucas rushes outside and Johanna’s hand slips into his.

Gale’s head turns and she presses her lips softly against his and Gale’s face turns red and he doesn’t know why. Maybe it’s because she’s incredibly gentle. When she pulls away, Gale leans in for more but then her hand is covering his lips and she grins, “ That’s all your getting, bye.”

Gale scowls and Johanna laughs harder.

“Bye.”, he kisses her nose when she leans away and then she’s slapping his shoulder, “ Go you idiot! The kid’ll get lost.”

Gale notices that even the word ‘idiot’ is endearing and Gale smiles, “ Love you too.”, before rushing out of the house.

The kid in fact, did not get lost, he stands in front of the house, his foot tapping impatiently.

“ Took you long enough.”

“ I could just go back-”, Gale begins.

“No! Let’s go, please!”

The walk is pretty short but Lucas is practically running and Gale, despite towering over the kid, has to jog to keep up, He struggles to balance the beach bag and manages to catch a packaged sandwich before it plummets onto the pavement, “ Kid, slow down would you?”

“No! The faster we get there the better!”

The kid turned from shy to stubborn real fast and Gale’s brain is still reeling because how can a child be so double sided?

Lucas hurries down the steps that lead from the parking lot to the beach and Gale hisses out an array of curses as he tries not to fall on the water and sand littered narrow stairs. Gale makes the mistake of thinking that he can take a breath because now Lucas is kicking off his flip flops and is diving into the water and Gale quickly discards all of his belongings, pulls his shirt over his head and dives after him.

The first thing Gale notices as he submerges into the water is that it is freezing and Gale resurfaces and takes in a lung full of air and considers going back out because his swimming trunks aren’t providing much warmth but then he sees Lucas effortlessly doing laps and Gale decides if Lucas can do it, so can he.

So he dives under the waves and he sees a few small fish swimming and the sand replicating the waves in their pattern and notices that the ocean truly is another world in it’s own and this is only a small glimpse of it. After a few quick strokes, he resurfaces and grabs the kid and stands up. Lucas screams, his eyes widen and then he sees Gale and his fist pounds against Gale’s chest. Gale laughs and drops him, Lucas gasps but then he’s laughing too.

Then they’re wrestling in the water and Gale pretends that Lucas’s flailing limbs are painful so when his foot barely grazes Gale’s abdomen, he dramatically falls back into the water and before he’s underwater he sees him smile and that is when Gale feels an odd sense of relief rush over him.

Gale is swimming underwater, hoping for some form of break when the kid’s scrawny arms wrap around his neck and Gale resurfaces and he pretends to pull at his arms and flails half heartedly.

“I can’t breath!”, Gale yells, trying to contain the laughter in his voice.

“You’re such a bad actor.”

“No really!”, Gale makes his voice strained. Then he closes his eyes and plummets face first into the water and Lucas squeals.

Gale floats like that while Lucas watches, “I’m serious, you’re a bad actor.”

“ At Least i’m trying.” , Gale mumbles, as he flips over and floats on his back.

Lucas nods, “ It’s awesome here isn’t it?”

“ Yeah.”, Gale agrees.

Gale lets the kid’s imagination go wild. At one point Gale is a monster and Lucas is the hero and Gale chases after him with no intention of catching him but then the kid ‘stabs him with a magical sword’ by pushing a stick between Gale’s arm and body and Gale crumbles into the water.

“Can’t the monster and hero be friends?” , Gale asks after their 5th rerun of the game.

“Nope. “

Then out of the corner of his eye, Gale sees an awfully huge wave hurling towards them and his eyes widen, “Lucas-”, then there’s water rushing into his mouth and he’s crashing under the surface with an abrupt force and Gale thrashes as his brain panics then his senses are coming back to him and he’s breaking the surface, “Lucas!”, he yells.

“Gale!”

Gale’s eyes scan the area desperately and he spots the kid, a few feet away. He’s barely afloat. His small paddles aren’t strong enough for the waves crashing against him, the waves that are getting increasingly bigger.

Gale hears thunder and his heartbeat quickens and before another wave hits, he’s already underwater and swimming desperately towards the kid.

It starts pouring and Gale scoops Lucas out of the water and his feet connect with the sand on the water’s floor and he doesn’t stop wading through the water until they’re on the shore a few feet away from the waves. Lucas holds onto him like a lifeline.

“You okay?”, Gale asks, his eyes are wide as he looks over the kid for injuries and is relieved when he sees none.

“ Yeah.”, Lucas breathes out and then he’s placing his head on Gale’s shoulders and he sobs, “ That was scary. I’m so sorry, I-”

“Shhh, it’s okay kid, I got you.”, Gale’s hand finds the back of Lucas’s head and holds it.

Gale feels his own heartbeat normalizing.

“Gale look!”, Lucas points over his shoulder.

Gale’s eyes narrow and he sees a figure jumping into the water from a low rocky shore and Gale watches for a few seconds and notices that it doesn’t come back up.

Maybe Gale should have ignored it or yelled for help but they were the only ones there and Gale wasn’t going to watch someone die.

Not again.

He lowers Lucas, “ find shelter nearby, don’t go too far.”

“Wait Gale-”

“ I have to help, kid.”Is the hasty explanation he gives before he’s sprinting as fast as he can towards the ledge.

He’s watched too many people die.

Gale wills himself to go faster, he feels small twinges of pain when his feet hit the rock.

In the games.

Gale is nearing and he takes a deep steadying breath that doesn’t do anything to steady his racing brain.

In the fire.

Gale braces himself to dive.

In the war.

Gale dives into the water and sees the figure sinking towards the bottom and Gale puts all of his might into the strokes and he sees that the figure's eyes are staring at him but the sinking man makes no effort to come up.

Gale refuses to let him die, he doesn’t care what made him make the call but Gale won’t let it happen.

Gale’s heart hammers against his ribs.

He’s so close.

Gale’s hand grabs the fabric of his shirt and the blond man’s eyes widen and he flails, desperate to rid himself of the grip but Gale tightens his grip and yanks as hard as he can and strokes upwards.

Gale needs air.

He can feel the pressure.

Just a little more.

Gale gasps as his head comes above the water and he uses momentum to force the blond head up as well.

“Let me die!”

Then Gale is being pushed into the rocks and blinding pain shoots up his shoulder and Gale cries out but he doesn’t let go, not even when his shoulder doesn’t feel like it’s in the right spot.

“ No, I won’t let you.”, Gale manages through gritted teeth as his arm protectively wraps around the man while his other hand grips the ledge despite the agony it causes his shoulder.

“ Let go you bastard! You don’t know why I’m doing this-”

“ I don’t care, I won’t let you die!”

Gale practically drags the protesting man towards the latter and he begins climbing. His body strains at the additional body weight of the blonde but he bites down on his tongue and they roll onto the surface and Gale wraps his arms around the man in a hold.

“ Please-”

“Listen to me-”

“Let me go-”

“ I thought about it too okay!? But things get better, they always do and sometimes it takes time-”, Gale pants, he can feel the energy draining from him, “ I won’t let you!” , he says hoarsely and now he’s coughing and it’s causing his body to rack. Gale has a feeling that the water made it to his lungs despite his efforts and it’s probably not coming up again.

Gale sees 2 figures rushing towards them, one he recognizes is Lucas. The other seems to be a lifeguard and Gale sighs with relief.

Then the blonde is sobbing and trembling but Gale doesn’t let him go.

Not until the lifeguards are near and they gently help the man to his feet and Gale groans and clutches his shoulder.

“ Sir, you need medical attention-”

“No, take him first-”

“Bur sir-”

“Take him first!”

“But your shoulder!”, Lucas cries out, “ They have to heal your shoulder-”

Gale peers over the ledge and nausea washes over him when he sees that his right shoulder is dangling at an awkward angle and Gale gulps dryly, “ Lucas-”

“You’re hurt!”

“Lucas close your eyes.”, Gale says calmly.

The wind is howling and Gale might regret this but it’s the only way, the hospital’s too far away.

“Why-”

“Just do it kid.”

Lucas looks the other way.

Gale grabs his shoulder and groans.

“Sir-”

“ Be quiet for a sec.”, Gale closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Gale yanks his arm in a quick movement and a yell rips through his throat and stars dance in front of his vision but when his eyes open again and he peers into the water, his shoulder is back in place.

Gal falls back onto the ground and closes his eyes.

“Sir!?”, The man begins to walk towards him.

“Just need a minute.”, Gale rasps and takes large breaths.

Gale listens to the rain, feels it gently fall onto his skin.

His ears are still ringing.

And Gale knows he needs to calm the hell down because he can feel the many sets of eyes on him and he’s most concerned about Lucas, who is probably traumatized, needs someone to comfort him.

So his eyes slowly open and Gale uses his good arm to sit up and Gale shudders when a cold wind hits his bare back but then he looks to Lucas and smiles weakly because that’s all he can do at the moment, “ We’ll make a quick trip to the hospital and then we’ll go home, alright?”

“Okay.”, Lucas says quietly. His face is still stricken with fear.

The ride to the hospital is silent. Lucas clings to his arm and doesn’t speak. The man who tried to kill himself sits with his hands in his head, his eyes are red from crying. The paramedic asks him a few yes or no questions and Gale answers quietly.

Now he’s thinking what he’s going to tell Annie, that she left Lucas with Gale once and he almost drowned and Gale irresponsibly went to save someone who clearly didn’t want to be saved.

Maybe that’s Gale’s new fatal flaw.

Now he helps because he can.

Because he knows that he isn’t going to get whipped or shot for it. Gale remembers countless occasions of watching people, friends or even people he knew punished for something that shouldn’t even be a crime. Watched bullets go through their heads. Or watched the whips maul their backs.

One was a friend named Owen and his crime was loving another boy named Kevin.

Gale was friends with Owen and once he walks in on the two in a deserted alley when he’ s walking home.

_Gale is avoiding the peacekeepers, he worked a double shift and it’s late, most of them let him go even when they saw him because they knew about the desperate times, Katniss is in the Games, most of them are desperate as well. The Rebellion has started and their District is starving. Gale is minding his business, his hands are jammed in his pockets and his eyes are locked on the ground when he hears a guttural groan and he thinks that someone’s hurt so he rushes down the alley only to see two boys entangled together with their lips crashing together._

_Gale intends to walk away but then Kevin sees him and his eyes widened and when he moves he sees Owen, another dark haired seam boy with olive skin but with brown eyes, unlike his grey ones. Who works in the mines, who often had the same shift as Gale, so they work together because everyone else is older and they are strangers._

_‘Owen?’, Gale says , completely shocked._

_‘Gale? Gale! I can explain, please don’t tell the peacekeepers!’_

_He approaches Gale, his hands raised, “ I’ll give you my payment, anything you want, just please.”, tears flow down his cheeks._

_And Gale places his hand on the boy’s shoulder, looks him in the eye, “ I won’t, I promise. I don’t care who you love… you’re still a friend.”_

_A friend who brings the bread when Gale brings the cheese and a friend who’s just as eager for the revolution as Gale is. A friend who promises to make Gale the best man if the two love birds ever get married. Gale sincerely hopes they do because his own ‘love story’ is one that has no chance of succeeding, something that he learns as each day passes._

_Whenever Gale walks past the two of them in the streets, he gives them a knowing smirk and Owen’s face reddens each time. Often enough Gale becomes the third wheel, so people don’t suspect the two boys when they venture together through the streets of twelve because no one is going to question Gale, ‘the intimidating, above 6 feet tall and always looks like he’ll kill someone’, Hawthorne. Those are the words that Kevin uses to describe him at least. Owen jokingly calls him their bodyguard and one day Gale shows up in all black clothing and grins from ear to ear to see the look on their faces and Kevin laughs heartily while Owen flushes._

_One day, everyone else has left the mines and it’s just the two of them._

_“ Hey Owen?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“If I liked boys, would you date me?”_

_“WHAT?!”_

_And Gale falls over because he’s laughing so hard._

_So naturally when Gale sees him, tied to the same whipping post where he was, with a white uniformed man holding a whip. His heart jumps up to his throat and he pushes his way through the crowd._

_“ Who initiated it?” , the peacekeeper booms._

_“ It was me.”, Owen whispers, his voice wavering, “ He’s innocent, he didn’t even want it, It was all me!”_

_Gale sees Kevin running towards the peacekeeper and Gale sprints and catches him and wraps his arms around his torso. And Kevin cries, screams, sobs with such force that his body shakes._

_“ He wants you to stay alive, don’t waste his sacrifice.”, Gale manages to say as his throat tightens._

_Gale doesn’t look, he doesn’t dare. He only hears Owen’s pained cries before they die down to whimpers and Gale only looks then and regrets it because Owen is smiling at him gratefully and chunks of his flesh and puddles of blood are on the ground. Then the smile fades and he lets out a harsh breath but the wretched peacekeeper still hacks away at his corpse._

_Kevin crumples to the ground and Gale falls with him, presses his head into his back and whispers, “ I’m sorry, i'm so sorry.”, over and over as Gale tries to get a hold on his own tears._

_Gale learns that Kevin’s mom is the one who reported them because she was so disgusted and Gale’s heart wrenches._

_A few months later, Gale gets a card and he opens it. It reads Kevin weds Charlotte and Gale wonders if the boy found love in someone else._

_That thought is erased when Gale sees the groom on his wedding day._

_His eyes bear no emotions, they’re lifeless and Gale has a sickening realization that Kevin died with his lover._

_Gale feels the guilt and regret twist inside him and like every time he thinks of his friend, Gale wishes that he had saved Owen, that he could take his place by some miracle._

_They escape the bombings and Gale is leading them through the woods. Charlotte comes to him, holding their only child, a boy with the same ginger hair as his father and yells, “ he told me everything before he left and I don’t want to be stuck with his reminder!”, then she shoves the kid into Gale’s arms, “ Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you. He didn’t even try to run! He didn’t even love his kid enough to run!”_

_“ I’m sorry.”, Gale says numbly because his mind is still reeling from seeing Madge’s burned corpse but he can’t let this kid be an orphan so he racks his brain for words because his entire being is being harrowed by an inexplicable pain, “ But you love your kid don’t you? He’s innocent.”_

_Her small frame slumps, “Just hold him for a little bit? I need some time.”_

_Gale nods, “Okay.”_

Gale can’t sit and watch anymore, his brain starts ticking like a bomb and he quite literally feels like he’ll explode if he doesn’t do something.

When he told Katniss, ‘ _I thought… I’d never compete with that. No matter how much pain i’m in. I don’t stand a chance if he doesn’t get better. You’ll never let him go. You’ll always feel wrong about being with me._ ‘ , Kevin’s lifeless eyes are what he was thinking of. Peeta is Katniss’s life. If he goes, so does her will to live.

In the one session he attends, He is told that part of his PTSD is anxiety. The one session was complimentary, Plutarch Told him that they all were but Gale sneered that he needed to get work done, to feed his family and that he didn’t have the time to be catered by a therapist who pretends to care about him but is really in it for the money.

Gale thinks more than once that his ‘anxiety’ is what kept him alive and could also be the reason for him to die because of an act of stupidity.

It’s ironic really.

During the war, his racing heart and alert mind were what helped him dodge the bullets and weave through the streets.

Gale’s hand goes to the scar on his neck.

That’s what made him shoot the mutt that jumped onto him fast enough after something cut through the skin of his neck.

The same anxiety made him dive into deep, unpredictable waters today,dislocate his shoulder and get a lung full of salt water.

Gale slowly gets out of the ambulance. He doesn’t look back at the blonde, not even when he stares daggers at his back. The hospital is a large cement building and Gale notices it’s probably new because it doesn’t resemble the other wooden buildings in District 4.

The paramedics say the doctor would arrive after a short wait and leave.

Gale sits on the bed and Lucas is seated on a chair. His knees pulled up to his chest.

“Lucas?’, Gale says.

The kid looks up, he doesn’t look even a tad bit relieved.

“Come sit beside me?”

The kid drags his feet and Gale helps him up onto the bed.

“ I’m fine Lucas. It’s a minor injury and the guy I went after is okay too-”

“ But your yell, it was, was-”

“Scary?”

“Yeah.”

“ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you but seriously, I’ve suffered much worse. Here.”, Gale gently takes the kid’s wrist and places it against his neck and the kid’s eyes widen comically.

“Is that a scar?”, he shuffles closer to examine it more closely.

Gale looks at the ceiling so he can get a better look, “ That’s from a bullet. I got lucky that it went by, otherwise I would have died.”

“Really?”

“Yup, this is nothing. It’s just when you're in pain you...you do things that you normally wouldn’t, that’s all.”

“Are you sure that you’re okay?”

Gale smiles, “ Absolutely. “

He gulps, “ I thought I was gonna die Gale.”, he says quietly and Gale is shocked into silence, “ When the wave hit, I saw you go under the wave and and I was barely afloat-”

“Hey, shh.”, Gale hugs him with his good arm, “ I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Really?”, His face brightens.

“Really.”

Lucas sits down beside him, “ I wish I was brave like you.”

Gale laughs, “ Oh i'm not brave, I was probably more scared than you were! “

‘No way!”

“ I was, being scared is normal, kid. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

The doctor arrives and he’s an old man with a kind smile, “ Mr. Hawthorne, I've always wanted to meet you, never thought it would be like this.”

Gale chuckles, “ I’m honoured doctor.”

The doctor puts on some glasses and then slips on his gloves. He peers over Gale’s shoulder and mumbles stuff, “ Out of place, there’s some bruising.”, he pauses, his finger hovering over a bruise, “ Mr. Hawthorne, tell me if this hurts.”, then he presses his finger against the bruise roughly.

Gale stops the urge to knock the man out when he’s momentarily blinded by pain and he grits out a strained, “ Yes doctor that hurts, alot.”

“Ah, definitely broken.”

The words, oh really? Are on the tip of Gale’s tongue but Gale doesn’t say anything.

“ Has this happened before.”

“ Eight or nine years ago, I fell and I wasn’t rich enough to get it properly treated. The lady who treated me said it could slip in and out if I hit it too hard-”

“ Not good Mr. Hawthorne.”, The doctor clicks his tongue disapprovingly, “ Forcing it back into place was a bad move, it actually makes it worse.”

“Won’t happen again, sir.”, a bead of sweat makes it’s way down his forehead because his shoulder is still throbbing.

“ The damage could be much worse if it happened again. Mr Hawthorne, it usually takes 6 weeks to heal but since yours hasn’t healed fully for such a long duration, I suggest you rest for at least 8 weeks.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll go get your cast.”

“Eight weeks is a long time.”, Lucas says.

“Yeah, it is,”, Gale smiles, “ but i’m going to enjoy it like it’s a vacation.”

The doctor rushes back in and eases Gale’s shoulder into the cast, he explains how to get it off, what activities Gale has to avoid completely.

“You’re good to go, Mr. Hawthorne.”

“Thank-you doctor.”

They get a taxi back because it’s pouring outside. It is a short walk but he doesn’t want the kid to catch a cold. Gale’s messed up enough times today.

Gale gulps before ringing the doorbell.

Annie’s brows are creased and there’s concern written all over her features when she opens the door. Then her eyes land on the cast and Gale watches as her expression morphs to fear, “ What happened?”

“Can I explain inside?”, Gale says grimly.

“Sure.”, she moves away.

When Gale makes his way to the living room, Johanna is seated on the couch, her stormy eyes are gazing out the window and her foot taps impatiently. Her hands are gripped tightly, she looks similar to the day when it was a storm outside and Gale had ended up staying the night.

“Jo?”, he says quietly.

Her head turns quickly and there’s a second of relief on her features before she sees the cast around his shoulder and she’s on her feet in less then a second and she’s walking towards Gale and Gale can’t tell if she’s going to kiss him or punch him across the face because of the look of determination in her eyes.

Gale’s instinct tells him it’s going to be the latter, so he takes a step back, “ Jo I can explain, just calm-”

Then she’s crashing into his chest, her arms are wrapping around him and Gale’s heart is hammering. He takes a breath because he had forgotten to ever since he saw her worried state.

“ I was so worried.”, she whispers.

Gale’s heart skips a beat because she never whispers. His good hand holds the small of her back and his head is on her chin because it feels right, “ I’m sorry.”

It’s a bittersweet moment because he doesn’t want her to have to worry about him, he doesn’t want her to worry at all but now he knows that she worries about him, that she genuinely cares and that she’s not just ‘having fun’ with him. He heard rumors swim around the bases a long time ago, mostly shared by men who say that she spends a night and then disappears. He didn’t care then, he doesn’t care now because he knows that she cares and that causes the bubly warmth to return into his chest.

“Now…”

Gale almost whines when she pulls away but it’s stuck in his throat when he sees a light in her eyes that wasn’t there before.

“ You have some explaining to do.”

So he does, he explains the storm that came out of nowhere, how he went under but still managed to get to Lucas in time. Going back after the stranger, breaking his shoulder again. Johanna and Annie listen carefully and when he’s done, Gale looks at the ground because the stupidity of his decisions is dawning on him.

“ What do you mean again?”

“ During the quarter quell in the mines.”, Gale waves it off, he’d rather not visit those days.

Annie looks at him, she fidgets with her fingers, “ The only ones who get that kind of injury are the ones that stop caring.”

Gale’s throat dries.

“Gale?’, Johanna says.

Gale doesn’t want to answer because there’s some truth to the statement, “Alright.”

_Gale Hawthorne reaches his home later every night. He’s exhausted, he’s always exhausted. The mines are a trap, they’re going to fall in on his head one day and he won’t be able to do anything about it. He still goes back every morning, they need money, they need food. He needs to work, he has 2 families to care for. The fences now have electricity coursing through them. He only checked futility for a week, after that he lost hope._

_There’s coal dust in his nails. It’s too deep to scrub out._

_He’s sure it’s made it to his lungs too._

_He’s lost count of the minor injuries, the scratches, the bruises._

_He goes to the checkups expecting a disease and when he’s told he doesn’t have one, he thinks that it won’t be that way for long._

_He sees Owen’s untouched gear everyday, feels guilt._

_Maybe the life is draining out of him._

_Maybe it’s just his energy._

_Food is scarce, he gives his to his siblings when his mother is working, she’s always working._

_Rory signed up for tessere._

_So he’s a failure._

_He walks at a sluggish pace, his stomach growls so he chews on the last bit of the cheese Prim gave him, it’s not enough but it’s something._

_Gale’s entire body throbs with each step. His arms, his legs but his back and shoulders have taken the biggest toll._

_He tries to stay quiet when he enters but the door squeaks when he pushes it open._

_He doesn’t ask for food. He sinks into the warm water in the tub, it doesn’t feel as pleasant anymore. It still causes his sore muscles to relax, so that’s good. He watches as the clear water turns into a dark murky color as the coal dust washes off him._

_Gale pulls on the clothes laid out for him and grimances as he slowly lays onto his back, that seems to be the only way he can sleep to prevent his muscles from acting up again. He stares at the ceiling, waiting for sleep._

_His mother weaves through the sleeping forms that belong to his siblings. Her hand affectionately runs through his hair, it’s nice._

_“ You’re starting to look like your old man.” , she whispers._

_It’s not a compliment, Gale knows that._

_Memories of his father are distant and faded. They almost seem like another lifetime together. Whenever Gale thinks of him, he sees his burned corpse. He does remember how his death began years before he died. He was kind and funny, he played with Vick and Rory. The jokes stopped, the smiles disappeared and whenever he came home, he collapsed because he needed rest. He made attempts to be his old self but they decreased and were spread out further._

_Before his father died, Gale only had his presence, when he died they didn’t have that either._

_The mines killed his soul slowly and then took his body as well._

_“ I’d say i’m better looking though.”, Gale says quietly._

_It’s dark but Gale stills sees the glint of the tears streaming down her face because of the moonlight, Gale’s hand instinctively wipes one away and she holds his hand there, “ I can’t lose you too Gale, not to those cursed mines.”_

_Gale’s lips pull into a tight line because he can do absolutely nothing, even if he’s reminded of death and destruction every time he enters them, he can’t stop going, it’s the only way. If the ceiling caves in or if a fire breaks out, his family will receive a wooden box with his body in it. They might not even get that, “ I’ll try.”_

_Because isn’t that all he can do? Try. Success is far fetched but he can promise that he’ll try, that’s plausible, a promise that’s hard to break._

_The next morning arrives and Gale assimilates into the group of coal miners once again. When they walk past the merchants, they look at them with sympathy. His eyes lock with the Baker’s but he looks at Gale and gives him a courtesy nod, “ Morning Gale.”_

_Gale doesn’t say anything, just offers his own nod before moving on._

_He makes it into the mines, picks up one of the pickaxes that are neatly set in a line._

_Heads down the elevator._

_Then soon enough he’s hacking away at the coal again. Each swing connects, coal clatters to the ground. A sharp metallic noise rings in his ears everytime the pickaxe hits the wall. He can hear hammers on nails as well. They give hammers to the younger, who can’t lift a pickaxe. ones and the lucky ones._

_Gale feels like there’s a timer going backwards, that eventually his luck will run out. That his time will run out._

_The noise of each pickaxe or hammer connecting with the wall are like the seconds passing by._

_There’s a kid beside him, he’s probably 12 or 13. He’s lanky and skinny. His whole body trembles when he swings and Gale feels guilt churn in his stomach because the kid reminds him of Rory. In the dim lighting he can convince himself too but then he catches glimpses of darker skin and brown eyes._

_The kid misses a swing and the pickaxe is falling towards his foot and Gale is rushing towards him but he knows he’s too far away but the kid moves back and there’s a metallic clang as it lands where his foot was. He wearily looks up at Gale, “ What?”, he snaps._

_“ You okay?”_

_“ I’m fine.”, he picks up the pickaxe, “ Go back to your work.”_

_Gale’s expression hardens, he wasn’t expecting a ‘thank-you’ but the bitter come back wasn’t ideal either. He usually doesn’t bother with speaking but this particular boy has managed to get onto his nerves, “ You nearly crushed your foot, I’m sorry that I was concerned.”, Gale sneers because if the kid has reasons to be snappy, so does Gale and he isn’t bothering with being nice._

_The expression that his face morphs into can only be described as shock before the hard exterior returns and he returns to work with a scowl._

_That’s fine by Gale._

_That kid is nothing like Rory anyways._

_Gale grunts as he swings with the most momentum he can muster and a huge chunk falls to the ground. He can only hope that it would give him some sort of benefit._

_Gale here’s a crash, what resembles an explosion and multiple yells._

_Gale’s eyes widen and his head snaps to the side._

_His heartbeat accelerates._

_Part of him wonders if this is the dejected day that’s been on his mind ever since he started._

_His feet are already positioned to run._

_But then he sees the wall caving in on the kid’s head and he stands there looking up at it with wide eyes._

_Gale sprints as fast as he can in the same direction._

_He might die in a few seconds._

_But he has to try._

_He promised he'd try._

_He crashes into the boy, his arms wrapping around him but he doesn’t stop, now he’s falling and Gale twists so the boy won’t be crushed beneath him and pain shoots up his shoulder._

_Gale’s eyes squeeze shut because if he’s gonna die, he doesn’t want to see his body being crushed._

_The ground shakes and his ears ring from the horrible sound that follows._

_Oddly Gale doesn’t feel any pain._

_Only feels his heart hammering, his shoulder throbbing in pain._

_Gale’s eyes open and he looks in front of him._

_Gale’s heart skips a beat._

_The mass of rock and coal has landed merely an inch from his legs._

_Gale takes an uneven breath._

_So his luck hasn’t run out yet._

_“ You alright kid?’, he rasps because there’s dust flying in the air around them._

_“ That was close.”, he says numbly._

_“Guess we’re lucky.”_

_He isn’t as luck as he leans on a fellow worker’s shoulders with a crippling pain taking over him as they walk to Ms. Everdeen’s house. There’s another worker walking to his left, his eyes are wide and Gale refuses to look at his arm because he knows that’s the reason why._

_The walk that is usually short is excruciatingly long._

_They ring the doorbell, usher him through so fast that Gale doesn’t even have the time to kick off his boots and he feels bad about that. He only sees a flash of Miss. Everdeen’s concerned face before he’s being seated on the kitchen table._

_Gale pants for breath because he almost died a few minutes ago and he’s still bewildered. His heart is still hammering and there’s adrenaline caused by fear coursing through him._

_“ I can’t treat this properly.”, Mrs. Everdeen states, now she has the determined look on her face that she has with all of her patients, “ I have a temporary solution though.”_

_“Anything.”, Gale says hoarsely, “ Please just… just fix it.”_

_“You.”, Ms. Everdeen points at the burly man who helped bring Gale here, he doesn’t even know his name, “ Come here.”_

_She tenderly places a hand on his shoulder, “ You need to grab it like this and snap it back into place. I’m not strong enough, you look like you are.” , she pulls slightly and Gale hisses, his eyes close again and stars dance in front of his vision._

_“What if it gets worse?”_

_“Trust me.” , she hands Gale a leather strap, “ Bite down on this, we don’t want you biting down enough to extract blood.”_

_Gale nods weakly before placing the strap between his teeth._

_It’s winter but Gale is sweating buckets._

_“This is gonna hurt Gale.”, she says, “ But I know you can take it. You, hold him. He might fall back.”_

_“ You ready?”, Miss. Everdeen whispers._

_Gale nods._

_“ 3…”_

_Gale tenses._

_“2…”_

_His fists clench and his mind races, he’s not ready. He’ll never be ready._

_“1!”_

_The man jerks his shoulder and Gale is blinded and a yell rips through his throat and all he can think of is pain._

_Surely enough Gale falls back into someone, his teeth bite down onto the strap and he gasps as his vision returns._

_His eyes meet a small girl’s._

_It’s Prim, she peers through the Kitchen entrance, most of her body ducks behind the frame. Her eyes have tears in them, she’s scared. It’s a similar look to the one she had when Katniss volunteered._

_Gale gulps._

_He has to comfort her, prove that he’s okay because he’s supposed to support her and be the pillar of strength and determination. So he sits up and spits out the tasteless strap, he smiles weakly, “ Hey Prim.”, he says quietly._

_She doesn’t speak or move._

_“ Come here.”_

_She’s treated him before but she saw her sister mauled by jabberjays. Heard her voice and his cry out in pain and beg for help and Gale reckons that his voice sounded similar to that._

_Prim shakes her head, moves back._

_“ Hey, I brought you something… a gift. Come on, it’s okay.”_

_She makes her way over slowly and Gale’s hand goes into his pocket and he pulls out a blue ribbon, “ See? You can wear it with that blue dress of yours, it’ll look nice.”, he holds it out to her._

_Her hand touches the smooth cloth of the ribbon and Gale gawks at how clean and soft her hands are compared to his. His hands have a coat of coal dust and her fingers caress his calloused palms when she touches the cloth. They’re also small._

_She smiles up at him, there’s still fear and hesitation but she wipes away at the tear, “ Thank-you, I’ll wear it on your Birthday for sure!”_

_Gale chuckles, “Promise?”_

_“Promise.”_

Gale looks up at all of them, his foot tapping furiously. He could have left out a lot of that but he feels that leaving out bits and pieces would only make things more confusing.

“You better rest properly this time.”, Johanna looks up, she looks adamant but then her lips pull into a smirk, “ Or I’ll break your other shoulder too.

Annie looks horrified, so does Lucas.

But Gale isn’t intimidated at all because he can see the mischievous glint in her eyes that she has whenever she makes a remark. Reading people is a habit of his, he kinda had to know how to so he could determine who was a foe, who was an ally, who meant the words they said and who was just joking or putting up an act.

He has studied Johanna mason quite closely, maybe because she fascinates him, she does have a unique personality that contrasts compared to most of the people he’s met but even she repeats herself often. That’s what personality is isn’t it? Her snarky remarks are her way of showing how much she worries about someone.

So Gale returns the smirk, “ How romantic.”

Then there’s energy cackling in the air.

And for another moment he can’t tell if they’re going to fight or if she’s going to kiss him like there’s no tomorrow.

It’s usually the latter but Gale never denies the possibility of the first option.

The fact that he never knows what she’s going to do next does things to him makes him writher in anticipation.

“I’m making supper, it seems like you have a lot of talking to do.”, she smiles down at her son, “ C’mon Lucas, I need an assistant.”

The energy disappears and Gale snaps back to reality.

Lucas follows her happily.

Katniss was almost never unpredictable. Maybe in the start, but when he loved her, he knew her. Almost too well, if that was possible. She was stoic and silent but he could hear her thoughts. That’s how it didn’t take him long to figure out that she needed Peeta, not him. He knew that the end wasn’t bright for him but that didn’t stop him from hoping.

Because hope and fear both made one reject reality in one way or another.

He knew Johanna too but he knew that she was unpredictable. That even if he gets to know her every crevice and every thought he’ll still wonder what she’s going to do next and each time it’ll make him delirious with excitement.

And Gale doesn’t know why that sounds pleasant.

Most people he knows, including Katniss, want a partner who they know like he knew Katniss. Who they can trust, who provide them with stability.

Maybe Gale’s different because the only stable thing he saw in his life were the things he hated. The Games, The Capitol’s power, families starving, the mines and the list went on. The gist of it was that everything ‘stable’ in his life was exactly what made it miserable. That stability was part of the many reasons that drove him to want change, to want a Rebellion.

Katniss on the other hand, had a completely unpredictable life. Especially during the Games, there was no stability there. You had fleeting moments of it before you came face to face with death in the form of other tributes, mutated animals and disasters. Her ally, a small girl, is alive one moment and dead the next. Two tributes can win one moment and the next the rule is revoked. Victors are allowed to live in peace but then the Quarter Quell happens.

Change ended his misery but it started hers.

It makes sense why they’re with who they are with.

Gale feels like that if he had a partner like Peeta, who had a rigorous personality and beliefs that didn’t change, it wouldn’t work because Gale would be bored out of his mind in record time.

Or maybe a girl who smells like pine trees is making him think like that without even trying to influence his thoughts.

“You’re unpredictable, you know that?”, Gale voices his thoughts.

Johanna raises her brow, “ Is that a bad thing?”

There’s a pang of hurt in her voice and Gale can tell that she has started to measure her self worth. Beginning to think that she’s not worthy of him or that he thinks she’s insane.

“Nope.”, Gale smiles, “ I love it, besides where’s the fun in dating someone predictable?”

Her eyebrows raise in surprise, “ That’s a first. You know Hawthorne, what you are calling unpredictable and fun…”, she pauses a moment, narrows her eyes, “ Most people call insane.”

Gale shrugs, “ You look fine to me, Mason. Besides, I’ve got a few loose screws myself.”

Johanna snickers, “ You’re more sane than all of us victors put together.”

“ Still not very sane.”

Johanna smiles, an amused look on her face but she fails to muster a comeback, so she just shakes her head and smiles.

Gale is tempted to do a victory lap because that is a rare occasion.

Gale wolfs down supper because he hasn’t eaten anything since morning. He makes little effort to be well mannered and Annie is just glad he liked the meal.

Johanna has double checked that they have all of their belongings, Gale had very few to begin with.

Lucas is showing no signs of sadness. He tells Gale that he can’t wait for his next trident throwing lesson and offers that the next time Gale comes, they can collect seashells amongst many other activities Gale doesn’t catch.

“ Alright kid, see you soon.”, Gale ruffles his hair and Lucas scowls and attempts to fix it.

“Come back soon? This was really nice.”, Annie smiles and hugs Johanna.

“Both of us?”, Gale jokes after they part.

“ Yes, both of you. You saved my kid’s life Gale, I think I owe it to you.”

On their way back, Johanna books a cabin with a washroom, couch and bed.

Gale gawks at it.

“Where do you get so much money from?”

“I’m a victor remember? I’m loaded.”

“Despite all the vodka?”

“Despite all the Vodka.”

Gale lays down on the bed cautiously.

Johanna seats herself on the couch and pulls out a book.

Gale looks at her for a moment but then looks away.

Johanna does things to him.

She makes his heart skip beats.

Makes some of his nights restless but when she’s with him, her presence is enough to lull him to sleep.

She makes his chest feel heavy with guilt when she’s sad and makes it swell with warmth when she’s affectionate.

Gale has a feeling that this is beyond ‘liking’ or being attracted to her. He cares so much about her that those words seem too shallow to describe his feelings.

He wants her to be with him.

She’s snaked her way into his visions of what happiness looks like.

But Gale doesn’t think she’s ready for that, maybe she’ll never be ready to commit. Maybe Snow has done things to her that will never allow her to feel that way about him.

He’s seen glimpses of it in her.

In her actions.

In her sadness.

And especially when she tells him that she was worried about him or when she calls him her boyfriend.

But there’s still a fleeting chance that those were just moments of individual emotions. Of protectiveness and concern.

Not the complicated mess of almost every emotion, that he’s been told is called love.

Gale gulps.

_Love_

Gale doesn’t have the good fortune of having a pleasant experience with it.

The first time it was one sided and the second time it ended before it could flourish.

Both times have scarred him and changed him in their own ways.

The mistakes he made in both are now clashing against each other.

His time with Katniss makes him want to believe that he should take his time, wait for her to be ready and not expect anything from her.

His time with Madge makes him want to confess before it’s too late. That at least he’ll have it off his chest, if he has to sort it out later on.

Maybe Gale is bound to forever be conflicted between these two options and never be confident enough to come to a decision.

Maybe Gale is also bound to fall head over heels with every woman he spends too much time with.

If he didn’t love Katniss watching her love Peeta wouldn’t hurt. He’d just be happy to see her alive and nothing would change between them. Wouldn’t become complicated and confusing.

If he didn’t love Madge, his only regret would be not saving her. He wouldn’t even fathom about wishing that he had kissed her.

Both scenarios would end in less suffering for him.

Yet, he doesn’t regret either.

Because love also makes you ignore reality. It puts you in a bliss.

Love made him think that Katniss and him could run away and be happy.

Love made his heart swell every time Madge smiled.

It caused boundless pain.

But it also gave him fleeting moments of happiness that he valued and that made the whole ordeal worth it.

Maybe his relationship with Johanna will end in pain but he’ll always hold the countless good moments dear.

Gale does believe that you never stop loving someone completely.

That you never stop seeing the beauty in someone that no one else does, or you never forget the memories linked with them. The memories may be bitter reminders of what could have been but Gale thinks that’s just part of the package.

Gale forces his reeling mind to stop, he is tired, he really does need to sleep and overthinking won’t help him.

Maybe she’s ready, maybe she isn’t. He’ll just enjoy what they have, that’s the last fleeting thought he has before his eyes close.

Gale’s eyes fly open a few times throughout the ride. He sees that Johanna’s okay, that they’re still okay, notices that he’s still tired and the train’s steady rocking movement lulls him back to sleep.

He sees no dreams, he blacks out completely.

His eyes open again when he notices that the steady rocking has come to an abrupt stop and his eyes open, his mind races, are we in trouble? Did someone attack? Peacekeepers?

Gale sits up quickly, his eyes scan the room, ears listen for any unusual noises.

“We’re okay Gale.”, Johanna says.

Gale looks at her.

“ We’re in District 12.”

Gale runs a hand through his hair and takes a calming breath, “ Okay.”

Gale pulls on his shoes again, the simple task is exponentially harder when he can’t use one arm.

“I’m going to my place from here.”, Johanna says as she stretches, they’re standing at the gates of the train station, “ You gonna be okay?”

_No_

“Yeah.”, Gale smiles, presses a kiss to her forehead, “ See you soon.”

Her face redens, “ I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“ Be cute.”

Gale’s smile broadens, “ If it makes you blush like that then I’ll make sure to do it more often.”

“ Shut up.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katniss looks at him with a smug look on her face. She doesn’t look worried or even concerned.

They’re seated in the living room. Gale has a warm cup of tea in his hands.

She continues looking at Gale and his eyes narrow, “ What?”

“ I leave you alone for a few days-”

Gale groans. Runs a hand through his hair. He’s been doing that more often, it’s easier for people to get onto his nerves. Katniss jokes that he actually shows a range of emotions now and claims that it’s a good thing. Another comment that annoys Gale.

Katniss grins.

Peeta arrives with a sack slung over his shoulder.

Unlike Katniss, he’s immediately concerned, “ Gale are you okay? What happened?”

“ I saved a guy from drowning but the guy didn’t want to be saved.”

“ Ah, how long do you need rest?”

“ Eight weeks.”

Peeta grimances, “ That’s a long time. “

Gale nods.

Peeta pauses, not sure what to say, “ I’ll make you some soup, you must be starving.”, and he leaves.

Gale doesn’t hate Peeta, he earnestly tried. It would be easier to hate him and believe that he was a bad guy. It would give him an easy outlet for his disdain but he couldn’t bring himself to do it because Peeta was the one that kept her alive. When he told her to run from the careers, to being in love with her in the interviews, to telling her the Capitol was going to bomb them.

But Gale still doesn’t know Peeta. Doesn’t know what he likes to talk about. So naturally when the two of them are alone, an awkward silence fills the room. Earlier on, when Gale was still new to the arrangement, Peeta asked him if he came to win Katniss back and Gale declined the accusation, said that he wasn’t trying and wouldn’t be able to even if he tried.

That had made things easier.

They had asked each other how the other’s day had gone and updated each other on the day’s events. Peeta would talk about the bakery and Gale would talk about helping people around town. Gale would come to the bakery sometimes, wash the dishes, do whatever he could. They’d work in silence but it was a comfortable one because they had a task at hand that occupied their minds.

Katniss tells Gale that Peeta is an amazing artist.

Gale wants to ask Peeta to see it but he feels that art is personal and Gale doesn’t know Peeta enough for that.

At first, Peeta was the baker’s son.

Then, he was Katniss’s star crossed lover.

Then he was a hijacked weapon sent by the Capitol to kill the Mockingjay.

That’s all Gale knew about him, he never tried to know him more because Gale would see the reasons why she chose him and they would make sense. But it would still hurt.

Gale knows that Peeta is kind and gentle with everyone he meets, he likes to bake and make art. He knows that at first when the Capitol made him show his skill in the numerous interviews after his first Games, his hands trembled so hard that they barely held the brush.

Gale sees Peeta hold whatever comes in his hands with a death grip and sees his eyes squeeze shut.

At these times Gale wants to help him but prevent the attack at the same time.

Gale can never trust him completely, he doesn’t know how Katniss does.

It’s odd because Peeta choked Katniss, not Gale, yet Gale is the one with the trust issues.

Gale has admitted that he will go to endless lengths to protect Peeta Mellark because Katniss needs him and his kids need him.

But if Gale sees him become a threat, if Gale sees him trying to hurt anyone, Gale will not hesitate to act on it. To tackle him, hold him down.

Because Gale wasn’t there for her on that horrifying day and Gale won’t let that happen again.

Peeta smiles nervously as he hands Gale the soup, “ Soup’s not my speciality, I hope it’s alright.”

“ Don’t worry, the chances of you making bad food are really low.”, Gale experimentally takes a sip and grins, “ Compliments to the chef, the soup’s edible.”

Peeta laughs and bows, “ Thank-you sir.”, he says mocking the capitol accent.

Gale chuckles.

Katniss smiles and shakes her head, “ You’re both idiots.”

“ I know.”, Gale chirps.

Peeta raises his hands, “ Speak for yourself.”

“ I choose to speak the truth.”

“ Watch your back Hawthorne.”, Peeta says while narrowing his eyes.

“ Always.”, Gale returns.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale is watching the snow descend outside the window.

It’s been three weeks since his shoulder injury.

He writes in his diary to keep himself occupied but he can’t do many activities of his liking.

Prim loves using him as her canvas. He doesn’t mind, it consists of face paint, hair dye and lots of glitter. there’s still some pink paint and glitter in his hair.

Prim had laced his hair with it.

Only a few hours later Johanna had visited and had a good laugh, she had told him, ‘ The New look suits you!’ . Gale had done the best he could to get the stuff out but there was still a visible amount in his hair.

He got odd looks when he went to the Market with Katniss, he didn’t bother to explain because he is very noticeable. He towers over most of the people in the crowd, the semi-pink hair just makes it easier to spot him.

He spends more time with Finnick now.

Prim goes to school, Peeta goes to work, Katniss goes to the market.

They are the only ones left behind.

Now he sits on the couch, Katniss places the baby beside him and puts his food and milk at arm’s reach. She tells him the basic instructions he already knows. Finnick has his father’s eyes and his mother’s hair because of that, he could pass as Gale’s kid.

Gale shakes off the thought.

He doesn’t know if Johanna wants kids.

Gale watches TV, reads, writes.

Finnick babbles and plays with his toys.

Overall, it’s a pretty relaxing time.

The only problem is that Gale really has to go to the washroom and he can’t afford to leave the baby alone and there’s no way in hell that Gale will take him with him. Maybe Finn is a very calm baby who doesn’t do things that you don’t want him to, it’s irrelevant however because Gale doesn’t trust babies.

Mainly because when Vick was a baby, mischievous was a word not worthy enough to describe him.

Gale would look away for a mere second and when he looked back, Vick would be gone.

That kid was a nightmare.

Most of Gale’s time home was spent chasing after both of them because Rory would be running with him.

Gale smiles at the memory.

_Gale’s eyes close for a second, just a second but then sleep is threatening to take him and Gale scowls because this is a dangerous game to play._

_All sleep is diminished, however, when he hears a loud thud._

_Gale’s eyes snap open and he’s hurrying towards the noise._

_His toe connects with one of Rory’s toys and Gale curses._

_“Rory? Vick?”, Both of their names leave his lips at the same time because the two are like the demonic duo sent to drive him insane._

_Vick holds a bottle of fairly expensive medicine and Rory holds their only bar of soap._

_Gale wants to pull his hair out._

_“Guys.”, Gale ways cautiously, “ Let go, you don’t want to go to timeout-”_

_He’s interrupted when both of them sprint past him as fast as their toddler legs can while screaming._

_“God da-”, Gale bites down on his tongue._

_He swore in front of them once. Rory caught on very fast and Gale had earned a slap to the back of his head._

_Gale sprints after them, “ Guys!”, he yells._

_Now they both stand in front of the couch, smiling from ear to ear._

_“Guys don’t move, that’s expensive.”, Gale doesn’t expect them to understand but when he talks they don’t notice him slowly moving closer, “ That bottle cost me a squirrel.”, Gale quickly grabs onto Vick and pulls him off the ground._

_Vick screams but then laughs and Gale thinks it’s adorable and he’s about to smile but then Vick drops the bottle and Gale’s heart skips a beat but he still manages to catch it before it hits the ground._

_This gives enough time to Rory to bolt._

_Gale sighs. He walks over to Vick’s makeshift crib and sets him down._

_Rory stands behind the couch, Gale darts to the left and the kid moves further away. Gale tries the other way and Rory darts back._

_Gale understands his play. He pivots to the left before going straight and grabbing Rory and snatching the soap out of his grip._

_Rory also laughs and is not upset._

_Gale picks him up too and puts the soap in it’s rightful place._

_“Why can’t you two just be normal?”_

_Rory pulls at Gale’s hair in an attempt to get him to let go but Gale is used to it at this point._

_“ Nice try.”_

The door opens and Prim rushes into his arms.

Gale grunts at the forces.

“ I missed you!”, she squeals, “ I should take you to School with me.”

Gale laughs, “ Don’t you think i’m a tad bit too old for that?”

To his surprise he sees Rory walk through the door with a huge grin on his face, “ Can’t stay too long without hurting yourself can you?”, Rory says as he flops down onto the couch.

“ Nice to see you too Rory.”, Gale replies.

“ Clearly your vacation wasn’t great.”, Rory says as he pulls his hair back into a bun.

Gale’s still not used to that, “ Oh no it was amazing, a few more days without you is a blessing.”

“ Seven years not enough for you?”

Gale smirks, “Not nearly enough.”

“ Oh shut up, you missed me.”

“ You wish.”

Rory’s eyes narrow, “ Really? Cause you looked like a fish out of water when you saw me.”

“ Still doesn’t mean I missed you. Plus you showed your appreciation for me quite well when you punched me.”

“ You deserved that.”

“ Well you owe me one so be careful what you say to me.”

Prim rushes upstairs, clearly bored from their conversation.

“ You miss me?”, Vick declares as he enters.

“ What is this a family reunion or something?”, Gale asks.

Vick sits besides Rory and stretches his arm, “Posey isn’t here, neither is mom.”

“ So you don’t bring the ones I love?”, Gale teases.

“Ouch.”, Vick says, “ Come on big brother, you don’t love us?”

Gale cringes at the way he addresses him.

“ You two are a pain.”

“ You still missed us though.”, Vick says matter of factly.

“ Don’t flatter yourself.”

“ Give up Vick, he’s not cracking.”, Rory says and chucks a plush horse at Gale and Gale catches it.

“ Oh I’ll make him speak up eventually.”

“ Yeah? Goodluck with that.” , Gale pauses a moment, “ How’s school?”

“ Boring.”

Gale chuckles, “ Didn’t think you would like it.”

“ It’s better than the mines.”, Vick adds, “ You fought for that too right? So we wouldn’t have to work in the mines?”, Vick’s voice wavers, “ That’s a dumb thought, nevermind-”

“No.”, Gale interrupts him, “ You’re right, i fought for you guys too, so you wouldn’t have the same childhood as me-”

“ Don’t say that-”, Rory interrupts.

“ It’s the truth, I fought so you wouldn’t have to worry about the Games, about working. So you could be… be kids, who had the right to be happy.”

Vick looks at him with a mix of sadness and admiration, “ I guess I never got the time to say it but…”, Vick gulps, “ Thank-you for everything.”

Gale is speechless, his mind fails to form a thought but he feels content, “ I don’t deserve that Vick, I didn’t do nearly as much as everyone else but i’m happy that...that you guys made it. I wouldn’t know what to do if you didn’t.”

Suddenly Vick grins, “ See, made you speak up after all.”

Rory barks out a laugh, “ Nice one.”

Gale groans, “ You’re still a pain.”, He says and buries his face in his hand because it’s turning crimson, “ Both of you.”

“ Aw, he’s blushing!”, Rory beams and Vick looks at Gale’s face to make sure it’s true and laughs.

Rory turns into Prim’s new canvas. He grumbles that he’s got better things to do and that Vick is closer to her age but he doesn’t stop Prim, who is delighted that Rory has long hair and she braids colorful ribbons into it.

Gale makes Vick some tea because he’s bored and Rory despises tea more than Gale does, he claims that he ‘refuses to drink liquid grass’.

Vick is occupied with the baby, he makes faces and plays ‘peek-a-boo’ and Fin laughs every time.

Gale smiles, “ Here.”

Vick sets Fin into his crib, “ Thanks.”

“ No problem.”

They sit at the dining table.

Watch the snow storm out the window.

Gale hopes that Peeta and Katniss wore warm clothes because he can’t deal with 2 Mellark children and two sick Mellark adults.

Well, he doubts Katniss will ever be unprepared. He’s worried about Peeta, who wears light sweaters to the bakery and claims that he’s barely ever cold despite how much Gale and Katniss nag him.

“ Gale?” , Vick says, looking down at his tea.

Gale wonders if it looks horrible, “ Yeah?”

Vick sighs, “Whenever I think of my dad...my father figure, I don’t see dad.”

Gale frowns, “ Who do you see?”

Then it registers quickly and Gale’s eyes widen.

Vick’s lips pull into a small smile, “ I see you.”

And once again Gale doesn’t have any idea what he should say but still feels happy anyways.

“ It makes sense, you barely knew dad and….”, Gale takes a breath, “ I was the one raising you.”, Gale rubs his brow and tries to figure out what to say.

Gale was 12.

Rory was 6.

Vick was 4.

Posey wasn’t even born yet.

Vick didn't spend as much time with their father as Gale and most of his time with him was as a baby. That plus the fact that their father was in the mines more than ever in his last year.

He died.

Gale took responsibility. Gale taught them to count, to read. Gale helped them with homework. Checked their grades, when Vick and Rory got in trouble at school, Gale would be the one that went and brought them home. When they teased Posey, she came running to Gale so Gale would be the one to discipline them too.

In the months before the bombing, Gale was the one who went to the mines and would come back exhausted and defeated but still be determined to feed them. Rory and Vick would try and help by massaging his soar muscles and Gale would always smile and ruffle their hair in affection like their dad used to when Gale used to massage him.

It makes sense but Gale still hates that they didn’t know their real dad that well.

Gale still has a gap in his heart that he used to fill.

No one filled Gale’s gap but he still feels bittersweet that he almost filled theirs

“ Thanks Vick, I’m happy that I could fill that gap for you, that you had someone to take his place and i’m even happier that you think that I did a decent job… just promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“ Never call me Dad alright? I’ll give you a wedgie.”

Vick laughs and then suddenly he’s hugging Gale hard enough to knock over the wooden chairs they’re seated on and Gale smiles broadly and uses his good hand to hold his head.

“This is nice.”, Vick mumbles. His voice muffled.

“Yeah it is.”, Gale says back, “ It’s been a while, you don’t fit under my chin anymore.”

Vick chuckles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gal doesn’t know what to say to Posey.

She’s not a babbling toddler anymore.

She’s almost 13.

And he doesn’t have the slightest idea of what he should say.

‘Hey Posey, remember me? I’m your older brother who promised he’d come back but never did!’

“Why didn’t you come back Gale?”, Her voice trembles, he can hear the pain in her voice.

Gale grimances. His eyes lock onto his feet.

The way she says his name is anything but endearing.

‘ You promised? Were we that bad? Were we too big a responsibility on you, was it too hard? What was wrong with us-”

“Nothing was wrong with you Pose, nothing was wrong with any of you.”, Gale begins, the guilt has already begun to gnaw at him because the admiration for him in her eyes is gone. The old Posey almost thought he was a superhero and Gale knew very well that he wasn’t but at least he knew she had faith in him, believed that he’d let no harm come to her.

“ Then why?”, she demands.

“ I was-”, Gale’s throat dries, depressed? Broken? Anxious? He can’t find the strength in him to say the words in front of her because he doesn’t want her to think that not even her big brother could make it out without being damaged, “ Hurt, it was a serious injury and I haven’t fully recovered yet.”

Posey’s eyes widen, “ W-what, how? Where?”

“ I...uh. In the worst place you can get injured. We may have won the war Pose but I… I lost the battle against my negative thoughts. I… I think it’s called PTSD.”

He waits for a large reaction but instead she stares at him blankly, “ That’s okay, after everything you’ve seen and been through, that’s normal Gale.”

Gale feels only a flicker of hope but it’s more than enough.

“ It doesn’t make you any weaker, I don’t think you're weak. I think that, maybe, it makes you stronger-”

Gale chuckles, “ Now you're pushing it, I’m not stronger. I’m just different.”

“ Well, I kind of have to say that because I want to be a therapist and I should get into the habits of making people feel good about themselves.”

“ You’re gonna be a shrink?”, Gale’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

Prim beams, “Cool right?”

“Absolutely.” , Gale grins, “ Who knows, you might actually be able to fix me.”

Posey smiles, “ Maybe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katniss and Gale sit huddled under their separate blankets. It’s cool out but not freezing.

It reminds Gale of old times. He remembers that he used to hold her, used to feel her breath on his neck sometimes.

But now it’s different, they’re different.

Katniss has Peeta and Gale is falling for another dark haired girl named Johanna.

“ You still love me Gale?”, Katniss asks, her head turns and cranes, so she can see his face. She bears an expression of concern.

Gale’s face redens and he’s grateful that he’s wearing a toque and scarf so she can’t see him properly.

“ Not like I used too.”

Gale sees the relief rush over her face and Gale smiles because he knows that's what she wanted to hear.

“ I never had time to tell you or prepare you. I wish… I wish I had given you a warning. I wish that Peeta and my romance didn’t start because of them and sometimes I wish that I had fixed things with you.”

“ It did hurt Katnip, I thought that you were happy in the woods because of me, I didn’t know that you were just happy to escape from everything. When I saw you kiss him and… and say you love him.”, Gale takes a harsh breath, “ I kissed you and then you said you’d fight but then you were on the victory tour and you loved him. I saw you wear the wedding dress Katnip and I was so… so confused.”

Katniss nods her head, “ I’m sorry.”

Gale smiles, “ It wasn’t your fault, you were trying to save us all and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.”

“ You fed my family Gale, I guess we don’t really owe each other anything anymore.”

“ I guess not.”, Gale smirks, “ Doesn’t mean you’ll get rid of me though.”

Katniss returns the smile, “ I know.”

There’s silence again.

“ Wanna go see Peeta?”, Katniss asks.

“Can’t stay too long without him, can you?”

“ Shut up.”

Gale’s washing dishes and Katniss has her head on Peeta’s shoulder.

They’re not afraid of being affectionate in front of him anymore and he doesn’t mind. He’s happy for them, Katniss earned it, the part of him that wished that he was in Peeta’s place is long gone.

“ Gale?”, Katniss asks.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to do the frosting?”

“Do you want your cakes to be horrifying?”, Gale retorts.

Peeta chuckles, “ Oh it can’t be that bad.”

“Don’t test your luck Mellark,”

“ What makes you think he’s lucky?”, Katniss asks curiously.

“ Well, he’s alive and he has you.”

Katniss’s face redens.

Gale smirks.

He dries off the last dish and sets it carefully in the correct cabinet.

“ I feel like you know where more stuff goes than I do.”, Katniss remarks.

Gale shrugs, “ Guess, I’ve been here more than you have.”

Peeta looks at Katniss, “ You have for sure, unlike someone who promised that they’d help out in their freetime since they didn’t have to hunt anymore.”

Gale chuckles.

Katniss scratches her neck and smiles sheepishly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale runs his hand through Johanna’s hair. It goes well past her shoulders now. Johanna’s head is on his chest. A comfortable silence has enveloped them.

But Gale’s mind is still racing.

His decision on the way back on the train of ‘enjoying what they had’ isn’t exactly working out for him, his mind still races whenever he talks to her, part of him is scared when she’s too affectionate, when her hand traces his jaw, when she calls him cute and calls him her boyfriend because he doesn’t know if she feels the same way as him.

It feels good but then it induces panic.

Her hand goes to the scar on his neck and her thumb moves along it.

Gale tenses.

That’s new.

Her fingers are cold.

But she’s so gentle and Gale wishes that he could enjoy this.

“ You alright?”, she asks softly.

Why does she talk so quietly sometimes, why can’t she be loud and snarky? At least that doesn’t make him melt a little.

“ Got a lot of stuff to think about.”

“ Wanna talk about it?”

_Yes_

“ No, nothing important.”

Gale thought he knew that she felt the same way but now he’s doubting it. Maybe it’s his anxiety ridden brain making stuff up that’s far fetched from reality, he hopes it is but Johanna doesn’t really talk about how she feels about him and Gale doesn’t either but Johanna is blunt, if she wants to know how he feels about her, she will ask.

He just doesn’t want to walk down the same road that he walked when it came to Katniss.

“Hmm.”, She hums as her head goes into the crook of his neck and her breath bounces off it and Gale has to stop himself from shuddering.

He doesn’t notice these things before, for some reason, he’s astonishingly aware of them now. Of every touch and breath.

“ I think I know something that’ll make you feel better.”

“ Really?”, he asks.

“Yeah.”

Johanna’s arms snake around him, they go under his shirt and her fingers go over his scarred back.

Gale’s eyes widen.

A pleased noise almost escapes his throat.

“Wait, what are you doing?” , Gale stands up suddenly and puts some distance between them, his chest heaving.

“Gale?”, Johanna sits up, her voice filled with concern.

Gale’s been called good looking, he’s been called the best looking man in District 12. In The Rebellion, only 2nd to Finnick Odair. Gale’s never been self conscious, he never set an expectation for himself to live up to. Looks never mattered, what people thought of him never mattered.

But when Katniss rejected him that changed.

When she chose Peeta Mellark, Gale asked himself what Peeta had that he didn’t. The self demonetization was the result of that.

His eyes focused on the countless ugly scars with stories behind them that aren’t brave. Focused on how his hands were always dirty and his clothes mostly torn and sewn back together. He notices the black lines under his eyes and the rough and dry texture of his skin. He’s not funny or charming, He’d fight the whole world to protect his family but his instinct is to be cold and calculative.

Rejection changes you.

You don’t see the flaws in the one who left you but you strip yourself down of everything that makes you feel good about yourself.

It’s a possibility that when Madge started showing interest in him, he didn’t buy it because he was Seam Filth and she was the Mayor’s Rich Daughter.

It’s a possibility that one of his reasons for his rage for the Capitol was that they got to get surgery and look flawless while the District’s children looked like skeletons because they starved.

Gale still doesn’t think his looks matter that much.

But if Johanna rejects him too, he’s doomed to go through the same cycle again.

“ Gale?”, Johanna pulls him back to reality, “ Gale please tell me what’s wrong. You’re scaring me.”, She genuinely sounds scared, “ Did I do something wrong?”

Gale looks at his feet, “ No. It’s just that I’m… I don’t want to go over the same thing again. I… with Katniss… I’m so confused.”, That’s the only mess he manages to sputter.

“ So am I Gale, you aren’t making sense.”, Johanna bites her lip, “ I’m not putting a time limit or anything on you, just… whenever you're ready.”

Gale takes a deep breath, “ The first time I loved a girl, she didn’t love me back and I started noticing everything bad about myself, started wondering what was wrong with me, what I did wrong and I got answers, Jo. I started focusing on the flaws.” , he looks up momentarily, sees that she’s nodding for him to continue.

“ Because of that I’m scared, I’m scared that I’ll fall in love with someone who can’t love me back and go through the whole cycle all over again. “, Gale runs a hand through his hair, his voice wavers, “ I think I love you Jo and I need to know if you feel the same way because if you don’t then I’ll figure something out.”

Johanna looks at him blankly.

Silence.

Her mouth opens and closes again.

Gale’s gut twists.

Gale smiles solemnly “ I guess I’ve got my answer.”

Maybe she can’t love at all.

Maybe she just doesn’t love him.

Maybe it’s somewhere in between.

But he’s sure that she doesn’t feel the same way.

Gale’s fist clenches and unclenches, “ I should go.”, he says quietly, refuses to look up at her because there’s shame pooling inside him.

Gale turns on his heel.

“Wait.”

Gale freezes and oddly he doesn’t feel anything.

He hears the soft thud of her feet against her carpet then her hand is holding his shoulder and gently coaxing him to turn around. He still refuses to look up to her, his hair falls over his face and he’s grateful because his eyes are beginning to sting.

“ I was scared that if I let someone get too close, I’d begin to care for them too much and that when I let that happen, they’d get hurt.”, Johanna says it all in one breath.

It’s a rational fear, the Capitol did kill everyone she loved because she refused to do what they told her to.

“ I was scared that if someone got too close, they’d think i’m completely insane and leave.”

So she can’t love after all, that’s a revelation that brings him relief and heartache.

“But…”

Johanna’s hand traces Gale’s jaw tenderly.

“ But if I let you go now…”

Johanna’s hands hook around his neck.

“ It would mean letting those stupid thoughts win.”

Gale’s heart skips a beat. He gulps, finally musters the courage to look up at her.

She smiles at him with tear filled eyes, “ I love you too Gale and I’m every bit as scared as you but you know what I think? I think that we should screw the thoughts that are stopping us.”

Gale’s forehead presses against hers, he lets a single tear roll down his cheek, smiles from ear to ear, “ I’m a moron.”, Gale whispers.

“You’re my moron.”

His head dips and their lips connect. Gale feels his shoulders slump.

This time it’s different, he doesn’t feel the fire of passion and the want for more to engulf him instead he feels relief wash over him in steady waves.

He feels at peace.

When the kiss breaks, he’s still smiling.

“ What now?”, Gale asks. His arms have enveloped her sides. His head rests on her chin, he can’t point out exactly why it feels right.

“ Well, the next step is usually engagement, then marriage, then kids if you want some.”, She says calmly. Her head presses into his chest.

Gale nods, the suggestions don’t sound scary, “ Do you want to get engaged?”

“ I’m in no hurry.”

“ Same here.”

“ Good.”

Silence.

“ Wanna go eat?”

“Yeah, I’m starving.”

Gale chuckles.

They end up going to the market rather than a fancy restaurant. They get some noodles, it’s apparently a Chinese Dish and up until a few years ago, Gale didn’t know China was a country that ever existed.

A regiment of the rebels had been sent into Capitol Libraries and Records to find out information of their past and the countries that existed before the war. They also start the crucial project to contact the other countries and let the people know of their countries.

North of Panem is the place that the Capitol ignorantly labeled The Wilderness, was once a country named Canada. Gale learns that the country is considerably bigger than Panem, it has mostly inhabited islands that stretch incredibly far up north. There’s a good chance of life there because Panem took the bigger hit of the nukes in the nuclear war. Canada, he learned, was a rather peaceful country. If Panem survived, there’s a high chance they survived too and they are not that far away. District 7, 9 and 13 are literally next to where the border used to be.

Gale wonders if the project is still in the works, he would much rather be a part of those projects but Gale isn’t very diplomatic or political, nor is he very well educated. His part in the war was fighting, as a result his job was in conflict resolution, training the new rebel recruits. One of the harder jobs was recreating a new law enforcement system because he disdained the Peacekeepers as much as anyone else.

But some of the records changed that. He learned about the Police, a system made to protect rather than oppress but then he also found countless articles of how they targeted specific groups and the cases of ‘police brutality’ and grimaced.

He learned that corruption managed to snake it’s way into any great country and didn’t ignore the fact that it might overtake the New Panem after he died or possibly before. The color chosen for their uniforms is grey. Not the black of the system before them or the white of the messed up system that came after. Grey is also a neutral color, it’s not aggressive. They also found old criminal codes, laws and reinforced them after careful inspection.

Gale slurps the last bit of his noodles, “ That was pretty good.”

Johanna grins, “ I’d assume that, you ate it pretty fast.”

Gale shrugs, “ It’s an old habit.”

“ I know.”

They walk around the market for a bit, buy some things they don’t need.

Now they lay in bed, huddled closely together because Johanna’s apartment is nice but it isn’t warm.

“Today was nice.”, Johanna murmurs sleepily.

Gale wants to tell her she’s adorable while sleeping but it would be random, “ Yeah.”

“ We should do this more often.”

Gale presses a kiss to her temple, “ Go to sleep Jo.”

It amuses him that she refuses to fall asleep first.

“ Fine.”

Soon enough, her breaths even out.

Gale chuckles before closing his eyes too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale’s hand shakes as it tightly grips his cell phone.

Almost exactly an hour ago, he found it in the bottom of his duffle bag. He recharged it almost immediately.

Gale had almost forgotten he had one of them.

Gale wishes he hadn’t charged it because now he sees about 5000 messages, emails and messages from Plutarch and other Rebels that work with or under him.

Gale curses.

The latest message sends a chill down his spine.

_Dear Soldier Hawthorne,_

_I have discovered that you have decided to take a vacation to District 12 and are paying a long visit to Soldier Everdeen and Soldier Mellark. This visit is becoming costly, we have found a soldier to fill your place and she is doing exponentially well. This message is to ask you what your priorities are, doing absolutely nothing? Or doing your duty by coming back and rebuilding Panem._

_If you do not come back in a month’s time, your position will be taken and you will be unemployed._

_Inform me of your decision._

_-Plutarch Heavensbee_

He has done his duty and Gale is well aware of that.

Now they cling to him desperately because he is simply the last one of the familiar faces. All the victors are retired or dead. They don’t owe it to the new government and they can get away with it as well.

But Gale owes a lot more to the New Panem, he owes his life and everything good about it because if District 13 didn’t take them in then Gale and many others would have died or been turned into avoxes.

But this still bothers him.

Using familiar faces to spread the message you want heard bothers him. Yes, the opposition still gets to speak, everyone gets to voice their opinion but who are the people going to listen to? A soldier who was with the mockingjay? Or an unknown reporter rambling?

Bias.

Manipulation.

It mimics the pattern of Snow.

He supports the Rebels, he believes in their morals and beliefs because he had a hand in shaping them but Gale won’t become a vessel for them to use to gain popularity and support. Gale doesn’t support that.

His fingers type the message quickly.

_Dear Soldier Plutarch,_

_I’d like to stay on my costly vacation and I'd like to spend more time with Mrs. Mellark. Call me when you actually need me, not when you need my image._

_\- Gale Hawthorne_

He sends the message before he can regret it.

He comes off as rude but Gale doesn’t think it’s a bad thing because it gets the message across quite well.

They might fire him.

Oh well

“ You have a phone?”, Katniss asks with disbelief.

“ Just remembered.”, Gale returns with a wry smile.

Katniss grins, “ Only important people have phones.”

“ Not anymore Katnip, you can get one too.”

“ Eh, why bother.”, Katniss waves it off.

“What are you doing?”

“ I may or may not have quit my job.”

“ You what?!”

Gale shrugs, “ I told them to call me when they need me. I’ll help with construction and stuff.”

“”Wasn’t this your dream?”

“The Rebellion was my dream, not the job.”

Katniss nods, ‘ What are you gonna do now?”

“Construction and stuff.”

Katniss laughs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale scows at the multitude of flyers on the Justice Building Wall. Two weeks of unemployment is the most he could take. There’s many job offers but none of them seem appealing. Gale wears a hoodie, his hands are jammed in their pockets. Some people walk by and stop, he sees a flash of recognition in their eyes but then they eventually move on and Gale is grateful that he isn’t too famous.

Gale looks at the construction section. At the bottom, barely visible, is a lumber business and Gale reckons that using a pickaxe on coal and using an axe on wood can’t be all that different. Plus, he’ll get paid for being in the woods. It’s a new business, not too famous.

He looks at the research sector, they need people to help put trackers in animals so they can control the population and ensure that the ecosystem is balanced.

The building is in the merchants part of town and that isn’t too far away.

Gale takes his time making it to the building, it’s not like he has anything better to do.

He’s confused when he sees a rickety building with a poor paint job. Gale frowns, looks down at the address again,sees that it’s the wrong address and sighs with relief. It’s three buildings over.

The right building is made of brick that is black and it has large and vast windows.

Gale doesn’t think much before making his way in.

He approaches the desk where a middle aged man with dark skin and glasses is seated.

“How can I help you?”, he asks without looking up.

“ I’m here because I was hoping to get the tracker position.”

“Your name Sir?”, The man asks, pulling out a notebook. He still sounds uninterested.

“ Gale Hawthorne.”

The man’s eyes widen and he looks up. His mouth falls open and he stares at Gale for a moment, “ Oh my god, Mr. Hawthorne. I- I’m so sorry sir! Please have a seat, should I order coffee.”

Gale smiles, “ No, Mr…”, Gale looks at his nametag, “ Mr. Smith. Can you let me know if the position’s open?”

“ Yes sir, we’ve been looking for someone for weeks! But everyone is scared of the woods or doesn’t know anything about animals. I’ll call the boss right away.”

The Boss, turns out to be a woman, who like most people is considerably shorter than him. She wears a flannel shirt, pants and boots. Her dark curly hair falls over her shoulders and she has tan skin and upturned eyes that are a striking shade of green.

“ Hi, I’m Akari.”, She smiles, “ I’m honored to meet you Mr. Hawthorne.”

“Honored to meet you two.”

“ We've been looking for a candidate like you.”. Akari says as they are seated in her office, “ I never thought we’d be lucky enough for it to literally be you.”

“ No offence but aren’t you going to interview me?”, Gale asks.

“ Sir, I don’t think that’s required. No one knows the woods like you do and you are almost famous for your hunting abilities, 2nd only to Mrs. Mellark, of course. The only difference is that now you’ll be hunting to save the animals rather than kill. “

“ I’m glad that you think that way.”

“Are you on board then?”

“Of course.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week, he’s in the woods. His feet land very carefully on spots where he knows they won’t make noise. Gale trains the newer employees, how to be quiet, how to track animals, how to aim and shoot properly. It’s nice in it’s own sense. But Gale asks that he hunts alone and Akari doesn’t mind.

He feels at peace here.

He’s surrounded by the greenery of trees and bushes, hears the sounds of birds and other animals and the smell of nature fills his nostrils. He grips his dart gun tighter when he spots deer tracks.

Gale wouldn’t be surprised if Katniss and him are the reason that some animals are at risk of being endangered. He even asks if hunting is one of the reasons but Akari says that she wants to prepare for the problem before it arrives. Gale tells her that thinking ahead can’t be bad.

Gale lowers himself. Watch the ground for twigs and dry leaves. Makes sure to brush past branches then he spots a buck. He’s full grown, his massive size and antlers indicate that to him. He grazes on grass. Gale is almost tempted to take a picture because of how scenic the whole ordeal is but that’s not what he’s here to do.

Gale silently raises the dart gun, lowers himself so he can’t be seen and takes a steadying breath before shooting. Gale follows the buck as it takes a few wobbly steps before eventually giving in and collapsing.

Gale waits a few seconds because he isn’t going to risk the chance of the Buck still being awake.

He quietly pulls a tracking bracelet from his pack. It’s soft and fluffy, mimics the fur that covers the animal and carefully seals it around the buck’s leg, makes sure it isn’t too tight and then moves on in hopes of finding something else.

Gale is in the large animals division, he goes after deer and coyotes because anyone else isn’t really qualified enough. They can’t risk their employees getting attacked. Gale knows that animals don’t attack easily but shooting one would give it good reason too.

Gale can do birds too but birds aren’t considered that trivial, he still gets an owl and 3 mockingjays for good measure though.

The sky turns into orange as the sun sets and Gale decides that it’s time to go.

Dinner with the Mellarks is lively as usual. There’s remarks, jokes and lots of laughing. The remarks are from him, the jokes are from Peeta and the laughing comes mainly from Katniss and Prim.

When the children leave, Gale addresses more serious matters.

“ Guys, don’t take this the wrong way but I think I should move out. “, Gale says as he looks down at his food.

Silence follows.

Gale feels the guilt beginning to pool inside him.

“ I’m… I’m a grown man Katnip.”, Gale looks up to see confusion on her features, “ I don’t think living in a basement is ideal. I’ll still be in 12, I’ll still see you guys often it’s just that… that this doesn’t feel right.”

Peeta nods,a stoic expression on his face.

Katniss still looks bewildered, “ Were we not good to you-”

“ No! No Katnip you guys are amazing, infact, you may have brought me back to life! But… but i can’t ignore my responsibilities anymore. I have a family too and…”, Gale’s face flushes, “ And Johanna wants me to live with her.”

Katniss grins, “ So that’s what it is.”

Gale hates that he blushes even more profoundly. His hands go up to cover his face.

Damn it

“ Yeah, you can go. You aren’t wrong about being too old to live in a basement.”, Katniss says, “ Plus, in order to get married to her, you have to know what it’s like living with her.”

Gale’s eyes widen.

Peeta clears his throat.

“ You think, you think we’re gonna?”, Gale’s throat dries, “ Uh… wow.”

“ I mean I’d bet my money on it.”, Katniss continues.

“Katniss, you’re scaring him!”, Peeta whispers harshly.

Marriage, he can do marriage… right? He can stay with her for the rest of his life, he can have kids with her.

Holy shit

Kids.

How could he forget about kids?

Man up Gale, He tells himself. Marriage is all that’s left and despite the nervousness clawing at him, he wants it.

Gale chuckles, “ I’m glad you think that.”

Katniss gasps, her hand grips his tightly, “ Really? You want to marry her?”

Gale smiles, “ Yeah.”

Katniss laughs delightedly and even Peeta looks surprised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale shows up to her apartment with all of his belongings amidst a storm. He’s wearing layers of clothing and his gloved hands clutch his bag. The harsh wind blows in his face. He didn’t bring much to the Mellark’s place. He realizes he should clear out the apartment in District 2 as well but he can do that later.

He swings open the door and takes his time going up the stairs.

He wants to eliminate any chance of backing off now.

He slips his hands out of the gloves and uses the keys to open the door and prays that Johanna likes surprises.

The first thing he notices when he opens the door is that it’s decorated now. There’s pictures nailed to the walls and there’s small decorations of animals and trees placed on . She also painted the walls an extremely white shade of grey that’s closer to white. There’s a shelf made of a dark brown wood and there’s cup placemats on the coffee table as well as cushions on the large green couch.

Gale's mouth hangs open because this isn’t the dark secluded apartment he’s used too.

No wonder she hasn’t let him in the apartment for months.

“ What do you think?”, Johanna asks, she stands, leaning against the wall next to the kitchen with a broad smile on her face.

“ It’s amazing.”, Gale replies as he takes off his boots and jacket, “ How did you do this?”

“ My dad used to renovate cabins, I learned some stuff from him.”

“ I wish I was as useful as you.”

Johanna laughs as she approaches, “ Really?”

“Really.”

Johanna wraps her arms around him and places her head against his chest and Gale happily returns the hug. He looks at the pictures that line the walls.

In one, they’re both seated at a table, busy in conversation.

Their first date.

He sees himself hunched over a book as he writes something into it.

The train ride.

In another he sees them surrounded by people as he kisses her. He laughs when he sees Effie with wide eyes and Haymitch with a mischievous grin.

The Christmas Party.

He sees neon lights and sees himself dancing with another man with salt and pepper hair.

Xavier, the party in District 4.

Lastly he sees a picture of him holding a trident as he grins down at Lucas, who looks up to him in awe.

That causes him to feel his heart swell and his gut wrench at the same time.

“How did you do this?”, Gale asks.

“ Peeta and Annie were in on it, it was my idea. I asked them to take pictures.”

“ Well Mason, it seems that you are incredibly romantic.”

“ That I am.”

“ Did you know that we’d get this far?”

“ Doesn't matter how far we got, I knew you’d like this.”

“ Jo, I don’t even know what to say.”, he laughs nervously.

“ Don’t need to say anything, your expression is enough.”

He pushes back her hair and kisses her forehead, “ I love you.”

“ Love you too.”, She retorts without hesitation, “ You know what’s my favorite one?”

Gale has a feeling he knows, “ Which one?”

“ The one with Xavier, if you leave me you have to go to him.”

Gale smiles, “ Oh but I don’t intend on leaving you.”

Johanna’s face flushes, “ Shut up Hawthorne. “

“ If I die first, prepare to be haunted by a lovesick ghost.”

“ C’mon don’t say that!”

Gale shrugs, “ It’s a possibility.”, he grins, “ C’mon, It’’ll be fun! I’ll chase away all your boyfriends.”

“ You are unbelievable.”

“ Thanks.”

“ That’s not a compliment.”

“ I know.”

“You’re an Idiot.”

“ I know.”

“ This never ends does it?”

“Nope.”

“ I hate you.”

“ Love you too Honey.”

Johanna’s shoulders slump in defeat, “ Okay you win, let’s unpack your stuff. “

After the unpacking is done and most of his clothes are stuffed in the closet lazily, he finds himself sprawled across the bed and cuddling with Johanna once again.

He smells her hair and recoils when it smells like candy and sugary sickness.

Gale frowns, “ You changed your shampoo?”

“ It ran out.”

“ I liked it.”

“ I’ll buy it soon.”

“How’s the job going?”

“Great. Did you find anything?”

“ I’m going to try doing lumber again, it’s all I know and I have some great memories associated with it.”

Gale hums.

“ You know, you could have made a fortune doing modelling.”

Gale chuckles, “ Are you sure i’m as good looking as the Capitol’s rainbow men? I mean don’t you think brown hair and grey eyes are pretty dull? “

Johanna smiles, “ Oh no, dullness is in fashion now. People had eye sores because of the Capitol’s sense of fashion. “

“ Fair point.” , Gale pauses, “ I swear I almost went blind when Effie wore yellow. “

“ Hey, Effie is the only good thing that came out of the Capitol!”

Gale raises his brow, “ Is she though?”

“ She’s an entertaining human being.”

“ Sure but she told kids to keep their chins high and smile as she marched them to their death.”, Gale says seriously, no edge of humor to his voice.

Johanna stares at him blankly.

Gale grimances, “ Sorry, that’s mean. It wasn’t her fault.”

“ You really hated them didn’t you? Not just because of what they did to you but because of what they did to everyone?”

“ I guess, watching people you know, that you loved, die while you watch helplessly takes a toll.”

Johanna nods, “ Which is exactly why I am delighted that it’s over.”

Gale nods in agreement.

Johanna pauses, “ Effie is still awesome though.”

Gale sighs in defeat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Winter has passed and spring has arrived.

The weather is nice, the sun is shining and there’s a cool breeze. Flowers and plants have started to bloom again and he could bet that some animals are waking up from hibernation while others are returning.

Gale sits on a bench in a park with a warm cup of coffee in his hand.

He can hear the birds chirping but at the same time he can hear the distant noises of cars and construction. It’s an odd combination.

Today he intends on buying the ring. He’s saved up money at this point, it wasn’t that he was poor, The Rebels paid him fairly but Gale didn’t want to use that money for this, at least not all of it.

He doesn’t regret the rebellion but he regrets killing innocent people, even the fact that he didn’t want to doesn’t stop the guilt. He knows that the same guilt will probably never go away but he’s learned to live with it, it doesn’t gnaw at him.

He already has chosen it, it’s simple. It’s white gold and the ring’s band twists together like a tree’s roots and it has a green stone in the middle.

Gale takes a calming breath before heading into the small shop with bars on it’s windows. He enters and he hears a machine beep that allows him to enter.

“Gale Hawthorne?”, The old man has a toothless smile.

Gale doesn’t know him but of course the man recognises him.

“Hi.”

“ Are you here for the ring?”, he asks.

This shouldn’t cause his heartbeat to spike as much as it does.

Gale smiles, “ Yeah.”

Gale can’t tell if it’s fear or excitement.

“Finally got the courage eh? You’ve been gawking at it for months. “

He concludes that it’s probably both.

Gale scratches the back of his neck, “ Took longer than intended.”

“Yeah, yeah. All of you young guys with your excuses.”, He mumbles as he pulls the tray of rings out of the display. He waves Gale over, “ What box?”

Gale looks at the very few options: blue, black or red.

“ Black is good.”

“Good choice.”, he chirps as he weighs the ring.

Gale already has the cheque ready, he just fills in the correct date and fills in the price.

He slides it to the shopkeeper.

‘Goodluck.”, He says earnestly as he hands Gale the ring.

“ Thanks, I’ll need it.”, Gale says honestly before pushing the doors open and exiting.

His hand clutches the small velvet box tightly.

Now to figure out how to propose.

Does it have to be extravagant? Probably not.

He knows that it has to be meaningful.

The only problem is that Gale isn’t good at either of those things.

He thinks of his options.

Decorating the apartment and proposing there? Maybe add candles and make dinner.

Gale scratches that idea, he couldn’t cook even if he had a gun pointed to his head.

Taking her on a nice vacation?

Extravagant yes but not meaningful.

He wanted it to be meaningful. He wanted the location or the set up to be a place that has an important memory linked to it. Or make the place significant.

Gale runs his hand through his hair and forces himself to think harder. His thoughts swim but he still fails to find anything relevant.

But then it comes to him and Gale’s eyes widen.

He could propose at the restaurant that they first met.

Gale smiles.

That’s what he’ll do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Hey Jo?”, he asks.

“ Hmm?”, She replies.

They’re on the couch. She lays on top of him, her head resting on his chest and their legs tangling together, it used to be kind of uncomfortable at first but Gale thinks it’s kind of nice now. The weight of her on his chest and the warmth she radiates help keep him in the moment, stopping his brain from wandering away from reality.

It still happens occasionally and each time Johanna brings him back, by holding his hand, swooping her arms around his neck and kissing him where his jaw meets his neck, the first time she did that made his entire face redden, once again because of how delicate the gesture was and how it showed that she cared for him, treasured him. He kissed her on the nose when he wanted to remind her of that.

“ Wanna go to the restaurant, the one where we had our first date?”

“ We never went back there did we?”

“ No.”

“ Huh, I remember liking the place. When do you wanna go?”

“ When do you have a day off?”

“ Wednesday.”

“ Wednesday it is. “

“ Cool.”

“ Now remember to take a day off.”

“ Damnit Jo, it was one time!”

Gale had promised to take Johanna on a date, they were planning on going to the fall fair, it was the last day because it was less busy then and they both were pretty well known faces. The plan was that Gale would do a quick run at work and then join Johanna at the festival, however, on the fateful day. His boss handed him an assignment that wasn’t even mandatory and he went off to complete it. He came back home and saw Johanna glaring at him and in that one moment it all dawned on him.

_‘ Shit’ , Gale mumbles under his breath, ‘ Jo i’m so sorry, I completely forgot.’_

_Johanna’s eyes glint as she she smiles, ‘ You forgot?’_

_Gale scratches the back of his neck, ‘ Yeah.’_

_‘ Didn’t even cross your mind once?’_

_Gale smiles shyly, ‘ Nope.’_

_Johanna laughs at him heartily, ‘ Well don’t you have a great memory?’_

_Gale looks away, face flushing with embarrassment._

_‘ Oh c’mere, I like cuddling better anyways!'_

“ That was golden.”

Gale sighs, “ You’ll never let that go will you?”

“ Nope.”

She shifts, now her hair tickles the skin under his chin. His arms snake around her waist and his hands rest against the small of her back. In turn her fingers brush over the nape of his neck.

“ Gale?”

“ Yeah?”

“ You’re really warm, I like that.”

“ Golly Jo, how kind of you.” , Gale deadpans.

Johanna frowns, “ Is that not a complement for you?”

“ Handsome, strong, anything along those lines would be nice but I never saw warm coming. I literally have no control over that.”

Johanna chuckles, “ I don’t care, I like this better than all those things. I don’t want to feel like I'm cuddling with a corpse.”

“ Do you know how that feels?”

“ Shut up Hawthorne.”

“ Make me.”

She does, she rises, her hands stabilizing her on either side of her body, and claims his lips in an angry kiss. She dominates him completely and he doesn’t fight back because his mind is reeling from shock. Her hand grips and pulls at his hair roughly, the other has planted itself on his chest, making it nearly impossible for him to move anywhere. It feels more like a fight than a kiss, like she’s doing this to win an argument.

She pulls away, wipes her lips on the back of her sleeve and grins.

Gale blinks up at her as many emotions and wayward thoughts course through him at once. Her kisses are alway gentle and kind and this was something else completely. His heart hammers against his ribs, as he comes down from a pleasure induced high, Gale notes that he actually likes this kiss, it’s so exotic and unique, “ W-what was that?”

Johanna turns her head to the side and he realizes that her hand is right over his hammering heart and that’s probably giving away his real feelings, ruining his attempt at remaining stoic.

“ Just felt like kissing you.”

Gale’s eyes narrow, “ I got that much Jo. It’s just… It was so.”, Gale groans. Unsure whether he wants to voice the words or not.

Johanna’s grin disappears, “ Did you not like that? I’m so sorry, I should have been more careful-”

“ No, it’s not you! It’s uh, um. “, Gale swallows dryly, “ I’ve never been kissed like… like that. I’ve always been the one on top. So it’s just… new, I guess.”

Johanna’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, “ Oh. You… oh.”

Gale smiles.

This feels like being a new couple all over again, the confusion and fear mixed with the adrenaline from trying something new.

“ Did you not like it? I can avoid doing that if you want?”

“ No!”, Gale holds her sides, his smile broadens, “ I loved it but I just needed a minute to process it.”

Johanna’s shoulders slump and she smiles goofily, “ I thought I scared you.”

“ You did.”, Gale says bluntly," But now that I think of it, this is how I thought you would kiss. “

“ What?!”, Johanna slaps his shoulder, “ What do you mean that’s how you thought I'd kiss? How did I kiss?!”

“ You know, it was so, so angry, and it felt like a fight more than a kiss and it was kinda rough, like i’m pretty sure you pulled out half of my hair!”

“ A-a fight, that’s the best comparison you can think of?!”

Gale’s laughing now, “ You pinned me!”

“ You kissed back!”, she retorts.

“ What other reference would I have, Mason?”

“ I don’t know but a fight? That’s just mean!”

“ Well I liked it, that’s what matters.”, Gale concludes, “ And because of how you’re defending it, you liked it too.”

“ Still mean though.”

“ Okay, you win Mas-”

She swoops down and steals another kiss, this time it’s a simple peck.

“ Would-”

_Chu_

“ You-”

_Chu_

“ Joh-”

_Chu_

Every time he opens his mouth to speak, she kisses him as soon as the first word leaves his mouth. He feels annoyed at being interrupted but continues speaking, so she kisses him more. His heart flutters when her hands are on his shoulders, holding him down.

She pulls back, grins victoriously, “ Found a way to make you shut-”

“Damnit.”, Gale growls and his hand holds the nape of her neck and pulls her down so their lips meet.

Johanna smiles against his lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There’s only two days left until he proposes to Johanna and Gale can’t sleep anymore. The fear of rejection is slowly driving him insane, they’ve talked, she’s okay with it but that doesn’t stop it from nagging at him.

Gale’s hands are jammed in his pockets as he walks quickly towards their apartment.

What if he’s not ready? Once he ties the knot, he wouldn’t dare leave her, break her heart. He wants to stay with her, yes but the idea of being committed sounds scary. Gale shakes it off, he can’t afford to get cold feet because he knows he wants this and he won’t let some stupid irrational fears get in his way.

He won’t let his anxiety get in his way.

He wants to marry her.

He wants to live without fear.

The same anxiety that kept him away from the family he fought for and didn’t allow him the strength to talk to the girl who he loved. The same negativity that made him blame himself for events he couldn’t control. He’ll never be the same because he’s changed, he doesn’t know if it’s for the good or bad.

He turns onto their street. Enters the complex and uses his key to get past the second door. He huffs when he sees that the elevator isn’t working again and heads towards the stairs, luckily it’s only 3 stories high.

He pushes past their apartment door and is confused when he sees that the lights are off, that the room is surrounded by candles. There’s also a variety of flowers placed on top of all the furniture. The only spot where there’s enough room to stand is the photo wall, so Gale unsurely makes his way over to it.

“ Jo?”, he calls.

The room looks stunning.

“Gale?”

Gale whips his head around.

Johanna has a serene smile on her lips, unlike any smile he’s seen. Her eyes are twinkling. She sinks down to one knee.

Gale’s eyes widen.

_Oh shit_

It dawns on him really fast.

_She’s proposing to me!_

She pulls a small velvet box out of her back pocket, all while maintaining eye contact with him.

Gale’s heartbeat accelerates, he opens his mouth to speak but finds out quickly that he’s lost his voice.

“ Gale Hawthorne. I know I’m not the best at expressing my feelings but hear me out, I don’t know if we’re perfect together, I don’t know if we can be but I do know that being with you feels right. I know that we’re both shattered beyond redemption but I think that if we’re together, we’ll be beyond complete. “, She chokes on the last words, her eyes shine with tears, “ Will you marry me?”

Gale nods eagerly, “ Yes.”, his voice is rough and hoarse, it feels like he’s speaking after years of silence. His bag is discarded and he falls to his knees and pulls her into a tight embrace, “ Always yes.”

They’re both smiling from ear to ear when she slips the ring onto his finger. Johanna wipes at a tear. The ring is silver, there’s the outline of a forest embedded into it, pine trees and birds flying.

“Wow.”, She whispers.

Gale digs the ring out of his pocket, “ Well I guess now would be a good time for this.”

Johanna laughs, “ Oh my god.”

“ Johanna, just like you, I’m not good at this feelings stuff. You may not know this but you brought me back to life. I don’t think i can ever do anything to deserve you but since you seem to like me a bit as well, i’m brave enough to do this. when I think of what happiness looks like, I see you. “, Gale flips open the box, “ Johanna Mason, will you marry me?”

“ Yes.”, Johanna says and her voice wavers.

He slips the ring onto her fingers.

“ It’s gorgeous.”

“ So are you.”

“ Oh, shut up.”, she laughs.

Johanna shuffles forward on her knees and they kiss. This time, Gale tastes the salt of tears on her lips but his heart is jumping and happiness is radiating through him. This time he grabs her waist and leans down, her hands grip his hair for support. Fireworks are a cheesy explanation for the small explosions of content across his brain but they’re the only thing that he can muster that describe the feeling.

The kiss breaks when they both have to part for air.

“ I love you.”, he whispers as he presses kisses all over her face.

“ Love you too.”, Johanna’s head rests on his shoulder, her hands clutch his shirt, “ I can’t believe this is happening.”

Gale chuckles, he delicately runs a hand through her hair, “ Me either.”

“ You’re gonna have to tell Xavier, it’s a no.”

Gale whistles, “ Man’s gotta keep his back up.”

Johanna laughs, raises her hands in surrender, “ Alright.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the next get together, He asks Katniss to call Annie, Haymitch and Effie [ after Johanna nags him for hours] and his family. He asks her to host and she asks him why he wants to celebrate and he barely conceals the excitement in his voice before telling her it’s a surprise.

He wears black trousers and a black button up shirt. Johanna wears a simple black dress to match him. She pulls her hair into a bun.

Gale’s hair is shorter now, Johanna told him to cut it for months, made countless comments that, ‘ _It isn’t cute anymore, you look homeless_ ', It’s cropped on the sides and is longer on the top so he can comb it back or to the side and so Johanna can run her hands through it, he kept that in mind when he got it cut. She likes playing with it, it’s an almost childish habit. She always coles about how soft and smooth it is and how jealous she is. Sometimes while they’re watching tv, Gale sits criss- crossed on the ground so she can spike it up with water or comb it to the side with her fingers. Gale doesn’t complain because it feels nice. One time she splits it through the middle and laughs for a good 15 minutes and tells him that he looks like a younger Haymitch. Gale, quite obviously, doesn’t find that amusing and quickly fixed it. They wash each other’s hair sometimes and it’s the most relaxing thing Gale’s ever done.

They stand in front of the door, their hands laced together.

“ You ready?”, He asks her.

“ Yeah.”

Gale rings the doorbell.

A beaming Katniss opens the door, she lets them in.

There’s soft music playing in the background. It’s slow.

Johanna parts to meet Effie and Annie. Gale pulls Vick into a headlock from behind, ruffles Rory’s hair and gives both Posey and his mother a hug. Rory tells him that he wished that Gale had grown out his hair so they could both have the same hairstyle. Vick tells him he looks more camera friendly.

“ Look who looks human again.”, Peeta jokes as he shakes hands with him.

“ Look, who looks like they haven’t slept in a week.”, Gale retorts.

Peeta laughs, “ I haven’t, the bakery has been a lot busier lately and you know I don’t have my dishwasher anymore so I have to do some extra work.”

“ That’s good news. Well unfortunately your dishwasher got a new job, I’m sorry to say I’ll have to give up the position.”

“ Oh that’s horrible! You were incredibly talented!”, Peeta muses.

Gale chuckles, leans against the dinner table as his eyes scan the small get together. His ring hand goes into his pocket.

“ What’s your new job?”, Peeta asks.

“ I put trackers on animals. There’s this new company, they want to make sure that nature stays in balance and want to spread the knowledge of nature to people. I might just ask Katniss to let them borrow that plant book of her’s so they can publish it and learn some stuff themselves.”

“Sounds cool.”

“ It is.”

“ Peeta!”, Johanna laughs as she hugs Peeta and Peeta returns the beaming smile, “ How are you lover boy?”

“ I’m great, you look less grumpy than usual as well.”

“ Thanks. I came here to steal my boyfriend.”, she loops her arm around Gale’s left arm, “ And to tell you that dinner’s ready.”

Peeta smiles, “ I’m going to leave you two alone then. Unlike this one-”, he gestures to Gale, “ I have no intention of being a third wheel.”

Gale narrows his eyes but before he can retort, Johanna is pulling him towards the dinner table.

“ It’s time to tell them!”

“ You’re telling them.”, Gale corrects.

“ I know.”

Everyone gathers around the table. The dinner has a lot of small talk and catching up. There’s a nice mood. All the jokes and remarks are lighthearted. Peeta has outdone himself with warm bread, a variety of stews and some meat. As a desert, he made cake.

Johanna squeezes his hands before getting to her feet, she taps her fork against her wine glass, “ I need to tell you guys something, listen up!”

Gale smiles.

“ Well um… I’ll get straight to the point. Gale and I are engaged.”

His eyes travel across the table to meet Katniss’s, who looks at him in complete shock and bewilderment but then her lips pull into a smile, the one she only gave him in the woods.

Annie gets up and hugs Johanna.

Rory pats him on his back, “ About time, I was beginning to get scared the Hawthorne family would end with us.”

Someone’s whooping with delight, it’s probably, Vick.

He goes to his mother, who pulls him into a hug and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“ I’m happy that you’re happy.”

Unexpectedly, Haymitch approaches him, his hand grips his shoulder firmly, “ You better not break her heart.”, He says, squeezing Gale’s shoulders as his eyes bore into him.

“ I won’t.”, Gale says, returning the gaze.

“ To Johanna and Gale!”, Effie squeals, raising her glass with a wide smile on her lips.

Peeta smiles, “ I should be your best man, you two met because of me.”, He says dryly.

“ I can’t think of anyone else.”

Gale’s whole world is changing. He feels delighted and anxious at the same time. His heart pounds against his ribs because he’s been waiting for this for years. The face of his bride might have changed a few times but he’s always wanted to get married, to have someone to grow old with. He’s always wanted to have kids who don’t have to worry about the games. Who can laugh and run freely without a dictatorship that claims that it owns them. He remembers asking Katniss if she’d have kids if the world was a better place, she had declined but for him the answer was always clear.

Johanna’s hand slips into his, her head leans against his shoulder. She’s smiling from ear to ear. Boisterous laughter fills the room but to him, her smile matters the most, “ I was starting to think I’d never find my husband.”

“ I bet if you told your past self it was me, she’d laugh at you.”

“ It’s the same for you.”

“ Yeah.”

Johanna Mason, he never thought he’d associate love with her. His first impression of her was of an innocent girl, who later turned into a deceptive cold-hearted killer who knew how to kill with an axe. She turned into an ally of Katniss who he wasn’t sure he really trusted. She turned into a victim of torture and now she was going to become his wife.

The old Gale was sure Katniss was going to be his bride, he’d glare at the current Gale. The old Gale was desperately holding onto a feeble string of hope that he had from the Rebellion and burning with rage because of all the bad things he’d seen.

Yet here he was, holding the hand of a girl with spiky brown hair and wide set eyes of the same color. Holding the hand of a girl who was stubborn, passionate and snarky. Who is worlds apart from the stoic, reluctant girl with grey eyes like his own, that he fell in love with first. Unlike the kind and gentle blonde that came after her.

Johanna is different, Johanna doesn’t back away from voicing her opinion, from mocking him nor does she show any signs of a blush when she claims to anyone and everyone that Gale belongs to her.

She’s unabashed. She has her own complex problems that Gale and her will figure out later but he doesn't feel like he’s playing a guessing game with her. He doesn’t feel like the man in the hanging tree waiting for an answer. She understands that he needs clarity and she reminds him how much she cares constantly, with every kiss pressed to his lips and jaw, with every joke, with every embrace and somehow through every grin he receives after a remark.

“ I love you.”, She says quietly, her thumb tracing the creases of his palm.

“ Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a REALLY long time to write. I hope you guys enjoyed it! I kinda took a break from being productive for a while so yeah. Writing this chapter made me happy, literally. There's only 2 or 3 chapters left at this point that are hopefully going to be uploaded soon. Please tell me if there are spelling mistakes. Comments and Kudos are appreciated!


	10. Part 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They press their foreheads together. 
> 
> They may fight like there’s no tomorrow. 
> 
> The both of them may be hotheads in their own way. 
> 
> But they don’t mean the insults. 
> 
> They love each other. 
> 
> And at the end of the day they find their way back to each other. 
> 
> To Gale that’s enough.

Gale stares at the ceiling while sprawled across his stomach on the bed.

Johanna is taking a shower.

The sunlight is warm against his face.

He’s getting married to her.

He reminds himself of this everyday and smiles.

According to Johanna, he looks like an idiot.

That comment makes him smile even broader every time.

She always rolls her eyes.

It’s been months since they got engaged. Now very few months remain until they get married.

They have managed to confuse almost every new person that sees them together. Confuse the workers at the shops when they go look at decorations, dresses and flip through the many ‘themes’ that they can choose from.

They’re all snark and comments. The location changes but that doesn’t.

Gale tells Johanna that she should get a pink dress as a joke, that she’ll look ‘ _gorgeous_ ’ and that her beloved Effie would approve. Johanna tells him, ‘ _shut up you tasteless moron_ ’. Then when they find the dress, Gale says it would look perfect on her and she blushes when he presses a kiss to her nose. The quiet shopkeeper who has been observing them from a distance, has an expression that could only be described as priceless.

The dress is emerald and it is long. It’s not fancy but it has a design that resembles roots embodied in it, the design swirls around the bottom half, where there are some small leaves. The sleeves are net, so the design swirls around Johanna’s arms too. Gale thinks that the dress was made for her. He notices that she’s really attracted to the color green and anything that resembles trees but he can’t argue because he’s quite fond of the forest as well. He has many good memories associated with it.

His hand absentmindedly goes over the scars, he has small ones, nothing that’s extremely fatal, other than the ones on his back. Once he started doing it, he ended up finding new ones and he’d tell Johanna and she’d say he’s weird, she isn’t wrong. It’s an odd habit, but it’s soothing nevertheless. Johanna notes this habit of his and traces them herself sometimes. She likes when he envelopes her with his body by hugging her from behind. She grumbles whenever he places his head on her chin but he always catches the small smile on her lips.

Gale and Johanna both don’t understand why the Capitol chose to use water to torment her. It seemed that they spinned a wheel of misery and that’s what it landed on. The normal option was to use her loved ones but considering that she didn’t have any, that’s what it came too.

She still trembles when there’s a storm outside and Gale just holds her. He doesn’t say that it’s okay and that it can’t hurt her because the fear has embedded itself so deep into her that those words are shallow and meaningless. They don’t force things out of each other, Katniss, quite bluntly told him to talk about it and she had good intentions but the idea of talking is scarier than the emotional scars themselves. Gale doesn’t pressure Johanna to talk about the Capitol torture. She doesn’t force him to talk about Prim or the days he was willing to use human compassion as a weapon.

Gale shudders.

He’ll never forgive himself for that.

They still talk about them, little drops of conversation that are nothing compared to the sea of unsaid sentences and thoughts. Whenever they feel ready. Gale starts it, tells her that sometimes he thinks that if he was stronger, better, then things would have turned out different. He tells her bitter thoughts of how he could have carried more children out of the fire and she nods understandingly. He tells her that he’s ashamed of the scars on his back, that they’re a sign of his defeat because even after defying the Capitol in small ways, it still brought him to his knees.

He begins walking around without a shirt in the summers because their apartment gets extremely hot and his shirt sticks to him. Sometimes when he’s leaning against the counter or sprawled across the couch, Johanna whistles. According to her, she does it only when he looks hot. Gale asks her with fake innocence, ‘which one?’. He still can’t stand with his back to her for too long. Anxiety and self consciousness tear him apart when he does. He’s grateful that this is one thing she doesn’t notice, to her it’s simply because he wants to give her his attention.

“Hey.”, Two cold hands press against his sides.

Galt turns his head and suddenly there’s a frog in his throat because she’s staring at his back, her hand traces over the rough skin. A small smile on her lips, her eyes twinkle with affection.

Gale feels the shame pool inside of him. He buries his face in the pillows. Waiting for it to be over because he feels so vulnerable and exposed. Because this shouldn’t make him feel weak. He can’t tell her to stop, he has to get over this. Despite his wish, that acceptance doesn’t make him feel any better.

She pinches him.

Gale looks up at her, “ What are you-”

She kisses him.

He can feel her grinning against his lips.

“ Good morning honey.”

She really loves annoying him doesn’t she?

Gale flips over so he can face her now. Her hair is still wet, she has it swept to one side. She rests her head against his chest and Gale tenses, it’s cold water and now he’s wet too but it’s unpleasant because it’s only one area of his body while the rest is still warm and dry.

Taking showers by herself is an accomplishment for her and it makes Gale happy.

“ Honey, really?”

“ I thought you’d like it.”

“ I never want to hear it again.”, Gale says bluntly, “ Doesn’t suit you.”

She raises a brow, “ What does that mean?”

Gale’s lip twitches, “ I prefer idiot.”

She smiles, “ Your loss. “

“ What’s the plan for today?”He has the day off, so does she.

“ I asked Peeta if we could come over.”

Gale nods, “ Sounds good. “

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Haymitch.”, Gale utters, devoid of any emotion.

Gale doesn’t hate Haymitch but he doesn’t like him either. He doesn’t know why.

However, he knows that if Haymitch is here, then Effie will be here too. He isn’t fond of her company, she squeals with delight when she sees Gale and Johanna together, which isn’t that bad. The thing he tries to avoid is when she gets teary eyes the next moment and says how happy she is for them, talks about how far they’ve come, she mentions without fail every time that she remembers Johanna as an axe-killer as if it was yesterday. Gale doesn’t like to be reminded of that.

Johanna, however, finds it very entertaining. She laughs and encourages Effie to tell more, each time she watches Gale’s face closely, watches him try to put on a smile while enraged.

“ Listen, I don’t want to be here, Effie brought me here.”

Gale nods, “ Nice seeing you.”

Haymitch snorts, “ Nice one.”

Gale shrugs, “ I tried.” before moving on.

He finds Peeta leaning against the kitchen counter.

Katniss is nowhere to be seen.

“ Hey.”

Peeta’s unfocused gaze lands on Gale. He blinks a few times before replying in a soft reply, “ Hi.”

Gale analyses him, his hands are clutching the counter so hard that his knuckles are turning white. There’s black lines under his eyes.

“ What’s wrong?”

“ Dad’s birthday today.”

“ Oh.”, Gale wants to walk away immediately because of the spike of pain he feels in his chest because Peeta just uttered another name he associates with guilt.

“ I didn’t even know.”, Peeta’s voice waivers, “ Katniss told me.”

Gale doesn’t move, Peeta is facing demons worse than his.

“ I didn’t remember Gale.”, he says quietly, “ I can barely remember him.”

“ It’s not your fault.”, Gale mumbles because he’s never known how to be comforting and he probably never will. He’s no Katniss. He can't do what she did with Rue. Can't give hope when all hope is lost.

“ I know.”, Peeta rubs his temple with a trembling hand, “ It still hurts though.”

He can’t tell Peeta that everything will be okay, that his father is in a better place. He can't pretend. He can’t lie.

“ He was a kind man.”, Gale says slowly.

Peeta looks up at him, his eyes light up.

Gale can still tell him what he knew right?

“ He kept his word, he never complained about the prices and he always thanked us… Katniss and I.”, Gale smiles, “ Once on Posey’s birthday, he gave me a cupcake for free.”

Peeta fidgets with his hands, “ Sounds right.”

Gale gulps, “ I wish I could save him.”

“ You did the best you could, It’s a miracle that you managed to save so many lives.”

Gale looks at him, “ It never seemed suspicious to you? That I saved so many people but I didn’t reach the parents of the boy who was with the love of my life?”

Peeta shakes his head, “ I know you hated me but I know you, you wouldn’t do that.”

Gale sees what Katniss found in him when Peeta smiles.

She found someone forgiving and trusting.

She found someone who accepted her for who she was.

Gale chuckles.

“ What?”

“ I’d never live up to you. “, Gale runs a hand through his hair.

“ Gale that’s wrong-”

“ Don’t even try.”, Gale interrupts him.

Peeta looks confused.

Gale smiles, “ I hated you, I was so bitter and you gave her a locket with the people she loved in it and you put me in there. You rise to be the better person “

“ The world needs people like you too, you know.”, Peeta says after a pause.

Gale bites back the urge to laugh.

“ The world needs people who are willing to fight and do anything to achieve what they want. A person like me would never be able to make the hard decisions you did. I wouldn’t be able to plan and save lives.”

“ Maybe.”, Gale says, “ But Katniss needs you.”

Peeta smiles, “ That she does.”

Gale smirks, “ Not so humble now are you?”

Peeta laughs, “ I have a limit to my goodness.”

“ Right.”

Dancing has become a tradition at this point. One that Gale despises because it’s slow dancing. Effie never seems to get tired of it.

Now he dances with Katniss.

Peeta with Johanna.

His and Katniss’s relationship began a long time ago. It feels like a different lifetime completely. They hunted together, they can almost read each other’s thoughts. One of them loved the other, the other didn’t think they could love.

Peeta and Johanna’s friendship blossomed out of something darker and more twisted. Out of hearing each other’s screams. They have an understanding that way.

“ Hey Katnip.”

“ Yeah? “, Katniss’s hands are pressed against his shoulder blades, years ago he yearned for this touch, now it’s meaningless.

“ You made the right choice.”, he tells her, gestures to Peeta.

Katniss blushes.

Gale laughs, “ Are you _blushing_?!”

“ Shut up!”

“ I didn’t know you could blush.”

“ Damnit Gale.”

Gale clears his throat but can’t stop the smile on his face.

“ You know what?”, She says after a moment’s pause. She looks at Johanna and back at him.

“ You made the right choice too.”

He looks over. Johanna and Peeta are laughing. Gale assumes it’s at some joke that Peeta made. Johanna’s eye catches his and she raises a brow in question, Gale shakes his head, then she fixes her gaze on Peeta again.

“ You and Peeta made the choice for me.”

“ I’ll make you dance with Effie.”

“ I’ll shut up.”

“ Good.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Are you ready for this?”, Peeta asks.

Gale stares at his reflection. At the all black tuxedo and the green handkerchief. At his slicked back hair and recently maintained beard. Stares at the silver band around his finger. His eye goes to the altar set up outside.

His heart pounds against his chest.

He’ll never be ready.

But his desire for this overpowers that.

“ Yes.”

As he makes his way to the Altar, everyone gives him encouraging smiles. The mood is light, there’s a lot of laughing and chatter.

Their wedding is simple and quiet.

There’s flower and hay twisted and patterned into an elegant arc over the altar, which is made of wood. There’s benches for the guests. They’re surrounded by the serene forest. There isn’t too many people and few cameras.

The flowers are picked out by the Mellarks.

His groomsmen, Peeta, Rory and Vick stand on the altar, waiting for him. All of them are wearing dark green suits with black handkerchiefs. Rory’s hair is pulled into a ponytail, it’s longer now, Vick’s is a mess, he probably gave up on it. Peeta’s is combed back neatly.

The bridesmaids, Katniss, Annie and Effie are wearing black dresses with very small embroidery of leaves and branches. Katniss wears her hair in her signature braid, Effie, surprisingly doesn’t wear a gigantic wig, instead, she has it pulled back into a bun and Annie’s falls over her shoulders in cascading waves. None of their faces bear layers of makeup that hides their real identity. They only wear their preferred lip colors.

Gale’s Best Man is Peeta. If it weren’t for him, Gale would never meet her, plus he’s been a good friend of Gale’s ever since he returned.

Johanna’s maid of honor is Annie. She’s been Johanna’s friend ever since the Rebellion ended, she cares for Johanna deeply.

The music starts.

Gale’s heart skips a beat.

Johanna has an angelic smile on her face.

Haymitch walks with her. A small, pleased smile on his- 

Gale thinks he might faint.

Her long hair is only tied at the top in a small braid. The rest of it falls down her shoulders in curls. Her face has a glow that no amount of makeup could replicate. Her green dress drapes around her elegantly, The roots and leaves on it move, the movement replicates trees in the wind. Her veil is made of a very thin netting. There’s barely any makeup on her face, there’s subtle lipstick and a bit of mascara around her eyes to make her lashes more accented.

_Oh God_

What did he ever do to deserve her? He’ll never know but he’ll be grateful for his whole life.

She still walks like a fighter. Her back straight and her shoulders slightly rolled back.

Gale loves her so much.

Gale doesn’t hear most of the words the officiant says. He’s in a blissful haze. He admires her, questions if he can call her his. He’s on a high of happiness and anxiety. His heart throbs. His mind races.

“ Do you Gale Hawthorne, accept this woman as your wife?”

His heart skips a beat, he smiles, “ I do.”

“ Do you, Johanna Mason, accept this man as your husband?”

She smiles, “ I do.”

Gale forgets how to breathe.

“ You may now kiss the bride.”

Her hand grabs the collar of his shirt and yanks him down, Gale yelps in surprise but then her lips are crashing against his, his hands grab her waist as she smiles. Adrenaline and calm race through him at once.

The crowd breaks into cheers. He hears an odd whooping noise that he’s sure Rory initiated.

They break apart for air.

Johanna grins, “ You’re stuck with me now Hawthorne.”

Gale laughs, “ Guess I am. “

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale’s fists open and close in a rythmatical manner. He wants to punch something, he wants to pull his hair out, he wants to hold onto something for dear life. He can’t decide. But his hands tremble, he tries with a furrowed brow to fill out the paperwork he was assigned for the week but he groans in defeat and flings the pen across the room.

He has the day off, he’d prefer not to because the reason he has a day off isn’t pleasant.

It’s the anniversary of the end of the Rebellion.

Gale’s jaw clenches.

The news host is delighted, she rambles on about how the day marks the victory of the Rebels, the triumph of good over the tyrant Snow. The fall of the spoiled and rotten Capitol. The day the Mockinjay made a shocking call.

He can hear fireworks and music outside. Hears people yelling in delight.

Gale remembers death and fire. Remembers seeing children blown to bits by the bombs he designed.

Gale takes a breath in a vain attempt to calm himself down.

He remembers the children’s disassembled body parts, blood and gore. He sees lifeless corpses with peacekeepers, capitol citizens and medics alike.

He remembers blond hair and brilliant blue eyes. He sees a burnt girl with eyes the color of ashes, that he loved, lose the only person that she truly loved. He sees him mowing through countless people with guns without even bothering to look if they’re hostile or innocent.

Gale runs a hand through his hair.

Where’s Johanna? She left without a word. She probably isn’t fairing any better than he is, if she’s out there, she’s surrounded by reminders of her pain and torture. Is she okay? He hopes that the media isn’t after her, shoving microphones in her face and demanding that she give them the details.

He sucks in a breath when he sees footage of the battle in the Capitol. He sees the Rebels shooting down everything in sight, sees the pods go off and kill people, separate their limbs from their bodies. Some get the release of death while others writhe in pain and anguish.

His whole body wants to look away but his eyes remain glued to the television as he’s transported back to the fateful day. Running and shooting anything that moves, civilians, peacekeepers, he might have even shot his fellow rebels in the panic. The throbbing in his head returns, the ground trembles under his feet and he falls, arms flailing uselessy, his ears ringing then he can’t hear anything.

The door slams shut.

Gale jumps.

A figure comes over.

Are they here to kill him? He can’t resist, he’s frozen in fear and guilt and something he can’t decipher. It’ll be easy. Maybe it’s a Capotilite who lost their kid, maybe it’s a peacekeeper's kid.

Instead they turn off the television and grip his shoulders.

“ Gale. ”

The voice is too far away.

The ground caves under his feet and he’s about to fall into the countless bodies but his hand latches onto a decorative object by the door.

“ Gale! ”

Gale blinks.

His surroundings morph into his apartment. The gunfire ceases, so does the ringing in his ears.

“ Hey. “, the voice is soft. The caress of his cheek gentle.

Gale watches the owner of it come into his field of vision, push his chair back and sit in his lap.

“ Jo. “, He says numbly.

So no one’s here to kill him.

Her skin is pale, there’s angry red marks over her arms and there’s dark circles under her eyes. But she’s okay, she’s alive, there’s no blood or burns on her.

“ Come back to me.”, She says, her hand runs through his hair, “ You’re here, you’re safe. That was a long time ago.”  
Gale’s words catch in his throat but his hands that are shaking with a mind of their own grip her sides. Scrunch up the soft fabric of her sweater.

“ It’s okay Gale.”

Gale can’t stop the ragged breath that escapes his mouth. The tightness in his throat.

Her hand leads his head to her shoulder and the tears that have been stinging his eyes are finally freed from them. He tries to be quiet, he really does, for her sake. But then sobs wrack through him and he trembles.

He’s held it in for too long.

So many blurred faces tell him that holding it in is unhealthy.

His father’s corpse.

Katniss’s rejection.

Prim exploding.

Death, there’s so much death.

And guilt, too much guilt for him to bear.

Unsaid words.

His tears soak her clothes.

Times where he could have done something but he didn’t.

Something cold brushes against his neck, he notices that her breaths are uneven as well.

She’s crying too.

Gale’s heart sinks.

Her tears are for the months of unmeasurable pain and suffering, for the family that she’ll never see again. For the blood that she has on her hands like he does.

His hands move, they find the small of her back and pull her into a tight embrace.

They stay like that. They don’t speak, don’t move. They only hold onto each other tightly as their breaths even out. Her hand running periodically through his hair, his hand rubbing her back.

It may have been minutes or even hours, Gale doesn’t know.

He does feel like a weight has been lifted from his being. Like all the ghosts that were trapped in him, were released like doves are released into the sky.

Johanna sniffles, “ That was something.”

Her voice is rough and patchy.

Gale looks at her. Her eyes are red, there’s the streaks on her face where the tears ran. He wonders if he’s looking into his reflection.

Her lips pull into a ghost of a smile, “ I brought Vodka.”

Gale feels a tug at his lip and then he’s smiling too.

They probably look insane right now. With their puffy eyes and broad smiles.

The more he thinks about it, they surely do.

Maybe they are crazy because he knows they aren’t normal.

But at least they get to be broken together.

“ That’s all we need.”

They both take a bottle because she brought two.

She has a better tolerance than him.

He’s halfway through the bottle when his face flushes and the world sways.

She just has a smirk across his face with a competitive glint in her eyes.

Gale scowls and downs the rest of the bottle, it burns as it goes down his throat.

The resulting bliss is what he was vouching for. The colors of the apartment mix and the world blurs, the green of the couch swirls with the grey walls. She drags him into the bedroom because she’s the only one who can still decipher where it is.  
They collapse onto the bed in an ungraceful heap of limbs and Gale has a lopsided smile on his face, she’s warm, she’s nice. His eyes begin to droop, her head lands on his chest.

“ This is just what I-”, Gale hiccups, “ Needed.”

“ Same ‘ere.”, she slurs, she goes to press a kiss to his lips but in her drunken haze, catches the side of his lip instead.

Gale giggles like a toddler.

“ G’night. ”, She mumbles.

Gale doesn’t know if he replies.

His eyes close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale rubs his temple, teaching the new recruits is a pain.

Today one almost got killed by a buck because he was making no attempt to be quiet.

All he wants is a warm bath to relax his nerves.

A kiss from Johanna would be nice too.

_Johanna_

His wife.

It’s been months since their wedding. The wishes have died down, all the presents have been opened.

That’s the new normal.

He loves it.

He still has bad days of course, still wakes up screaming and scared but having her gives him more motivation and strength then he can fathom. He goes through the mundane schedule of waking up, going to work and explaining simple things to simpler minded people so he can come back to her. He still feels guilt and anger and they still fight but it works out, it always works out.

His scars are too deep to heal, so are hers.

But they can bear it together.

His keys go into the lock.

“ Hey Jo.”, he announces his presence.

The former victor doesn’t appreciate it when he walks in quietly.

He slips off his boots and hangs his coat.

Gale frowns.

“ Jo?”

He finds her on the couch, holding a small plastic object. Her brows are furrowed. She looks up to him, a storm of emotions in her eyes, “ Hey.”, She says weakly.

Gale kneels in front of her, runs a hand through her hair, “ What’s wrong?”

“ Gale I'm.”, She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, “ I’m pregnant.”

Gale’s eyes widen.

His heart swells.

He’s wanted a family for so long, as long as he can remember. He’s always dreamed of having one in an alternate universe where the games wouldn’t take his child away. After the mines beat down his body, when he sat in the house by the woods. He thought of it, a world without the games, a world where his kid could run freely without worrying about being slaughtered.

But when he examines Johanna’s expression he sees fear.

What if she doesn’t want a kid? What if she’s not ready? If he tells her then she’ll keep it for him, he doesn’t want that. She’s been through enough, an unwanted pregnancy is a type of pain that he doesn’t want her to endure.

“ Do you want to keep it Johanna?”, He asks in a measured voice.

“ Are we ready Gale? Would we be able to raise it? Because I don’t think I’d be a good mother? Because I don’t-”

“Jo.”, He says softly, “Do you want to keep it? That’s all I need to know?”

“ Of course I do!”, she says vehemently, “ But… But what if we can’t raise it right-”

He hugs her, “We want this, we’ll make it work.”

She slumps against him but then she hugs him back, “ I love you.”

“ I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Johanna’s clothes barely fit her anymore. The pants fit fine but she wears his sweaters, Katniss always looks at him with a smug look and his face reddens everytime. Her bump is round and very visible, they get well wishes wherever they go. Johanna loves lying by saying that she isn’t pregnant and seeing the look of horror cross people’s faces as they stammer an apology and run away. She glares for good measure too.

_‘ You’re evil.’_

He told her once after an old lady bought Johanna tea as an apology. He disapproves of these things because he’s been victim to these ‘ harmless pranks’ on multiple occasions because his two younger brothers were never up to anything good, but when she does it, it’s funny.

 _‘ You’re no better.’_ , She shot back, eyes narrowing playfully.

Gale had smirked down at her, _‘ I know.’_

The baby is due any day now and Gale struggles to sleep. Not nearly as much as her because she likes sprawling across her stomach and that isn’t an option anymore. Also because it’s hard to be comfortable with an additional 8 pounds on your stomach.

Gale never complains in front of her. Everytime any complaint slips his lips, it’s stupid and weightless compared to hers.

Johanna likes to cut down trees and move around, she isn’t fond of sitting still. She also loves alcohol. She can’t do any of those things.

Today, the annoyance and bitterness catches up to her. She went to a party and watched everyone drink and eat all the junk food that she couldn’t have.

Today hasn’t fared well for Gale either, he had to take a double shift and it rained, so by the time he got home he was soaked, even his socks. He still is, he hasn’t even gotten the time to change.

The argument is a result of both of them venting out their frustrations but it has gotten more fiery than usual. Now both of them are sneering in each other's faces as their heads nearly butt.

He can’t remember what started the argument, all he knows is that his blood is boiling and his head is about to explode. That Johanna isn’t even trying to understand his words.

“ It’s not my fault you’re pregnant!”, his voice raises, his fists are clenched and trembling.

Johanna’s expression morphs, she blinks before her lips pull into a frown.

The look makes his resolve shatter immediately, all the adrenaline and rage seeps through him, is replaced with guilt and the feeling of his heart sinking, “ Jo, I didn’t mean that-”

“ Go away.”, She said, her eyes teary as she turned away from him and slammed the door in his face.

His heart starts pounding against his chest as he knocks on the door vehemently. Says her name repeatedly, apologizes sincerely but fails to make a proper sentence.

He doesn’t want this to be the end. Doesn’t want for her to do something impulsive, for him to regret this day for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want her to decide that she doesn’t want anything to do with him, kick him out or worse, get rid of the child. Gale loves that child too much now but he can’t stand the thought of raising him alone either. Can’t stand the thought of being separated from her.

“ I need some time alone, Hawthorne. “, her trembling voice says through the door,

He wants to say so many things. Wants to tell her that he never wanted to hurt her, that he’s sorry, that he can’t stay without her, that their kid deserves better, that she deserves better. He wants to yell and beg but no words come out of his mouth.

The gravity of the situation makes dread settle in his stomach.

If he had known that it ended like this then he never would have met her at all.

He pickes up an umbrella, his phone and his wallet.

He looks back at the door but she doesn’t open it.

He takes a breath, not releasing he had been holding it this whole time.

He wanders around the whole day, without any real destination. When small girls walk by, his eye catches the ones with braids, occasionally, one’s eyes turn blue and her hair blonde.

He’s right back where he started, heart-broken and hopeless. Nothing comforts him enough for him to pull it together. He had a second chance and now it’s gone.

He deserves worse than this, deserves to be rotting in a cell for losing his consciousness in a blind rage but that doesn’t mean this shatters him any less.

He sits on a bench.

He survived 12, he survived the mines, the war and now a few harsh words are all it takes for him to lose hope. He wants to taunt himself but that requires energy. It dawns on him how much he has been depending on her this whole time, without her, there’s no purpose left for him and clearly it isn’t the same for her, she’s seen worse, she’ll move on.

Maybe his kid would have hated him anyways. Gale would have shielded him from the truth for a few years but when he went to school or payed attention to the words of the countless people who despise Gale, he would have found out what his dad did and lose all respect for him, would have been ashamed of the surname next to his name and Gale wouldn’t be able to deny anything. Maybe when he became a teenager, he would run away from home and Gale would have a gaping hole in his heart that his son’s presence used to fill.

Maybe if Johanna divorces him, the boy won’t have to have anything to do with him and he won’t have that dilemma at all.

Gale wants to laugh at himself because this is pathetic, he knows it but nothing in him protests.

His phone buzzes.

Her name appears on the screen.

Gale’s heart skips a beat.

“ Hello?”, he says, his voice raspy.

How long has it been? Minutes, hours? He doesn’t know but he knows it’s enough for his brain to drive him insane with what could happen. Enough for him to be in a panic inducted frenzy.

“ Come back you idiot!”, Johanna says on the other end.

“ What?”, he mumbles.

“ What did you think a stupid argument is all it takes for me to get rid of you?! Get back here now!”

Gale smiles, “ Okay.”

Relief washes over him and he smiles all the way back. His dark thoughts aren’t forgotten but he finds the strength to push them aside.

Their boy doesn’t have to take his name, he can write Mason instead.

He pushes past the door and he hasn’t even taken off his shoes when she’s walking towards him incredibly fast and he freezes. His words catch in his throat again because her brows are furrowed in determination and he thinks again how adorable she looks in his oversized clothes.

Her hand scrunches up the material of his shirt and pulls him down to meet her lips. Her belly presses against his lower abdomen and thighs, he has to bend his back awfully a lot. Her lips are firm against his.

They press their foreheads together.

“ Idiot”, she whispers.

They may fight like there’s no tomorrow.

“ I know.”

The both of them may be hotheads in their own way.

But they don’t mean the insults.

They love each other.

And at the end of the day they find their way back to each other.

To Gale that’s enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Gale.”, Johanna hisses.

Gale doesn’t budge, his breath rises and falls in even breaths.

“ Gale! “, Johanna shakes him.

“Hmm?”, Gale cracks open an eye, “ What's wrong”, he mumbles.

“ My water broke!”

Gale’s blinks, they’ve been over this many times, the emergency bag is packed, Gale has learned all the medical knowledge he requires from Ms. Everdeen, who was delighted to tell him. Yet, his brain fails to form a rational thought.

“ Shit.”, he mumbles, “ Shit. Shit. Shit!”, Gale chants, he throws off the covers and stumbles out of the bed. Nearly falling over before catching himself.

Johanna’s taking deep breaths to ease the pain but at the same time she looks like she’s trying not to laugh at her husband’s idiocy.

Gale grabs the bag from under the bed and his fingers dial for a taxi. He walks a few laps around the room, wondering if he’s forgetting something.

His phone reads 3 AM.

“ Gale!”, Johanna’s voice is high pitched.

Gale kneels in front of her and holds her hand, she squeezes it, his hand rubs his back.

“ Hello?”

Gale picks up the phone, tells the address as quickly as he can, “ get here fast, it’s an emergency!”  
The phone cuts.

Gale’s giddy with excitement and nervousness.

The day’s here.

It’s finally here.

The 9 months passed in a flash.

Gale smiles, it’s goofy and lopsided all at once but he can’t help it. He has so much energy coursing through him that he could carry her and run to the hospital.

She holds his face, her eyes twinkling.

Their moment is over when Gale realizes that the taxi would be reaching soon.

“ We have to go.”

He gets to his feet, his arm loops around her and he helps her to her feet, she bites down on her lip and walks slowly but they make progress. When the elevator lands on the ground floor the taxi is already outside. He sits with her in the back.

“ Hurry please!”

He holds her hand, she clutches it tightly and leans against her shoulders. His other hand rubs her back in soothing motions.

He ushers her into the hospital.

She sighs in relief when she sits down in the wheelchair.

When they reach the rooms, her head’s rocking from side to side and Gale feels guilt because he can’t ease her pain. So he sits by her bed, runs his hand through her hair, over her face. Tells her that she can do it, that he loves her, that it’ll be okay.

She has momentary relief before the next wave of contractions hit and he’s repeating the process.

Gale doesn’t look away from her face when the doctors hover over her, urging her to push while she’s covered in a sheet of sweat and panting for breath. He lets her hold his hand tight enough for her to break his fingers because he knows that she needs to.

His heart hammers against his heart.

She screams.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ What should we name him?”, Gale asks as he holds a squirming baby boy with wisps of black hair and grey eyes.

He feels oddly calm.

The baby is healthy.

She’s tired but okay.

This feels like a dream. He imagined it would because this is what his ideal world looked like when he was starving in the mines. This is one of the main reasons he fought. Sh he wouldn’t have to fear that his kid would be taken away from him.

He presses a kiss to her forehead.

“ What about Cedar? Cedar trees provide many medicines. They healed a lot of diseases Back in 7 they represent providing, healing and some people even associated them with dreams. “

“ Cedar.”, Gale repeats.

He thinks of Prim. A girl with the compassion and determination to heal the world.

Of Katniss, who never stood with the idea of killing so many innocent children. Who gave all of Panem a dream of freedom.

Of Peeta, a man who was so giving and caring, who forgave and loved despite all the coldness he got in return sometimes.

He doesn’t want his kid to be like him, to be angry, calculative and destructive.

He wants his kid to be like them.

“ Yeah, Cedar is nice.”, Gale says. Lets the baby grip his finger with his small hands.

“ Good.”, Johanna states, “ Cause even if you didn’t like it, I was going to name him that anyways.”

Gale chuckles.

Cedar squirms, his legs stretch out.

Gale imagines being curled up in the same position for nine months, probably isn’t that comfortable.

Cedar’s hand is so small and soft and Gale can’t help but gawk at how delicate it is in comparison to his. Cedar himself is delicate, he’s so unaware of the world around him. Of the evils of the past and the ghosts that haunt his parents. He can’t feel emotion, he feels hunger and he feels sleepy, that’s the extent of it.

“ You and Brainless have strong genes.”, she says abruptly.

Gale blinks, “ What?”

“ Those grey eyes, they’re yours. Katniss’s daughter has them too.”

Gale doesn’t know what to think, “ He has his mother's hair.”, but he finds himself being defensive.

“ Can you tell who’s hair he has, Gale?”, Johanna says while smirking, “ Can you?”

“ Well.”, Gale struggles for words because both of them have hair that’s dark and straight, “ He has your nose.”, Gale tries lamely.

Johanna snorts, “ Could have at least given it a proper try Hawthorne.”

“ Hey, you never know Jo.”, Gale smirks, “ The next one might look like you.”

“ The what?!”, she practically yells in distress.

Gale’s head falls back as he laughs.

“ You idio-”

“ Hey watch it! No swearing in front of the baby!”

She slaps him on the shoulder, “ He isn’t even a day old, he can’t understand shit!”

The baby’s lips pull into a smile and his heart melts and he can’t tear his gaze from their child’s face.

“ He’s an angel, our angel.”, Johanna whispers, gently rocking the baby.

“ We’ll see about that.”

“ Shut up!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gale and Johanna have no intention of having another child and seeing if it looks like their mother.

Because their first child decided to take after his uncles and wreck as much havoc as he can.

Gale loves him, he really does but he has questioned if it’s worth it 3 times and it’s only been 6 months.

Cedar learned how to crawl, he learned how to crawl fast. Gale looks away for a minute and he disappears, Gale finds him trying to dunk his head in the toilet, or trying to doodle on Gale’s work. Gale gets frustrated frequently, gets on the verge of swearing as he picks him up to scold him but then Cedar smiles, babbles happily and squishes Gale’s cheeks with his chubby hands and all the anger seeps out of him immediately.

They planned their schedules ahead of time, On the days they both work it’s not a problem because Katniss’s house is a short walk away.

The few days after Johanna gives birth, Gale gives her the idea to stay with Katniss and she does. It works out well because Johanna needed rest and Katniss had plenty of experience and advice for her. Prim also loves Cedar like a brother, so she was more than happy to play with him and take care of him.

Gale stopped by after work, would spend his time there and head back at night, sleeping alone was odd at first, the first 3 days, he didn’t sleep at all but then he got the hang of it and it started to get kinda nice, it was like the silence before the storm.

Cedar is the storm.

Now he’s at home and Johanna is at work. Cedar is taking a nap and Gale has a few moments of peace. He sits on the couch and closes his eyes, he needs a nap more than his child does.

Gale takes Cedar to meet his aunt and uncles frequently, Rory and Vick both have taken the place as his easy going uncles who can’t deny him anything. Vick doesn’t care, he waves him off and lets him do his own thing. Rory being the mastermind, sits the baby down on his lap and gives him wayward advice on how to trick his parents. Cedar doesn’t understand, instead he’s fascinated by his uncle’s long hair and plays with it.

Posey likes to sit him down and read stories to him, she lets him scribble in her notebooks and she’s the only one who is successful in putting him to sleep. His mother watches, eyes crinkling from broad smiles. She likes to carry Cedar around on her hip and he doesn’t protest. Gale drops him off at their house, Rory and Vick to babysit him once and when he returns, he finds his kid covered in markers and paint. He also suspects he’s on a sugar high because he runs circles around the house without pause.

Rory comes over once. Gale is on his own and he struggles to talk with him while keeping an eye on his kid. Cedar makes a break for it and Gale chases after him, he goes around the house and puts on a tight smile when Rory looks at him with confusion.

When Gale finally swoops the kid off his feet and puts him in his crib, he returns and sits down on the couch, shoulders slumped in defeat.

Rory starts laughing abruptly, nearly falling off the couch.

 _‘ What?’_ , Gale asked tiredly.

 _‘ You’re gonna spend your life chasing babies!’_ , he wheezes.

Gale gets it and he doesn’t have the energy to be angry so his lips pull into a smile.

The thing that enrages him the most is that Cedar only goes bezerk with him. Like he’s the one who he thought deserves to suffer. When he’s with Johanna or Katniss or even Peeta, he sits by their feet and babbles as he plays.

Gale does spend more time with him, no matter how much he tries he can’t stay mad at him for more than a second because despite his devilish antics, Cedar has an adorable face. Johanna is the one who disciplines him, who refuses things to him in a stern voice, that’s when he comes running to Gale. It’s only a matter of a few minutes before he’s by his mother’s feet again. One of them had to be strict, if both of them were like Gale, he probably would get spoiled.

Their Sundays together are nice and peaceful, they both play with Cedar, they watch movies together. The mornings are spent at home, their evenings alternate between Annie’s place and the Mellarks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 12 years old Cedar Hawthorne is willing to follow Finnick Mellark to the ends of the earth. Their friendship is deep. It reminds Gale of his friendship with his mother, Katniss and him looking at the two of them together and have a good laugh. Gale jokes that the Hawthornes are bound to follow the Everdeens forever.

Cedar is fairly smart, he gets decent grades but his interest lies in the outdoors. Both of his parents spent a lot of time in the forest, both of them feel at peace in them. Johanna teaches him about trees. Gale takes him into the forest and shows him the many animals. Now he’s fascinated by both. He’s mature enough, so Gale takes him when he’s animal tracking.

Cedar is quite at school, he has few friends but they’re dear ones, he’s himself around them. He’s inherited his mother’s snark and his father’s leveled view of the world. He’s stubborn, Johanna and him jokingly argue who he got that from.

He is a splitting image of his father, with his dark hair and grey eyes, Johanna even says that his facial structure is the same but his skin is paler and his hair is spiky, these are the two traits he gets from her. Gale’s mom shows him some old pictures, one is of Gale at the same age, before he lost his father. Both of them freak out because they look the exact same. Gale has a proud smile and Cedar walks around with wide eyes for most of the day.

His best friend, Finnick Mellark doesn’t mind the outdoors but he loves art and baking like his father. He’s expressive and optimistic but when anyone tries to hurt someone dear or whenever he sees someone being wronged, he gets a hardened expression, the same one Gale’s seen so many times on his mother.

Gale never thought that his life would ever get this settled and calm. Even if he’s only 2 years away from 40 and he’s been fighting for this since his father died. It’s no less than a miracle to him. He was occupied by the Rebellion, unchecked rage and heartbreak. They may have won the Rebellion but Gale felt like he lost, he lost his love, his will to live was hard to find too.

Now the world seemed to be a better place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Dad?”, Cedar says, his voice awfully quiet.

They just celebrated his 16th birthday a few days ago, Gale is finally taking off the decorations off their walls, the streamers and banners. It was quite the party, a mix of his friends and family, there were some speeches and a lot of warm hugs. Cedar was beat red for many of the pictures.

“ I need to talk to you.”

Gale frowns.

He’s never quiet, not like this. He always asks what he wants for clearly, Gale’s never heard him sound so scared.

He turns around, “ What’s wrong?”

“Well… I… I-”, Cedar bites his lip.

“ Hey.”, Gale gently holds his shoulder, “ It’s okay, don’t be scared.”

Ceder’s eyes focus on the ground “ I think I’m gay.”

Gale’s brain blanks, “ O-oh.”

How did he not have a _single_ clue about this?

“ I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“ Hey!”, Gale cuts him off, looks him in the eye, “ There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m just surprised.”

A small smile forms on his lips.

“ Wait.”, Gale grins, “ Have you told your mom yet.”

He looks confused, “ No.”

Gale’s grin broadens, “ Good.”

“ W-what?”

“ Now I can say that you like me better cause you told me first!”

His eyes widen, “ Dad!”

He rubs it in her face, He doesn't intend on letting go of this, not until he dies.. Their arguments ends with Gale sticking his tongue out at her, Johanna squinting at him and their son being embarrassed that his parents are more childish than he is.

Cedar also tells him that he told Prim first and that she laughed and said that she knew the whole time and started telling him about cute boys. Gale still feels shocked when he thinks that Prim is in her 20s now and is self- sufficient when he still thinks of her as a small girl. He doesn’t tell Johanna this because this has been going on for too long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s the summer after Cedar graduates high school. He got his genes because he towers over most of the kids in his grade and his mom relished how similar Gale and Cedar looked, joked that it’s like having a young Gale visit her until the day she passed away, a day he still has nightmares about. However he’s still grateful that she lived her last days happily and that her corpse wasn’t mangled like his father’s was.

There’s minor differences, Cedar’s hair is a spikey mess that sticks out in every direction, he’s healthier than Gale was at his age and just a little shorter. Johanna even calls him Gale once, she’s in the kitchen, attempting to cook and she probably senses a tall frame leaning against the fridge then she utters his name, Both Mother and Son are flustered the whole day while Gale laughs at the sight of them.

Gale smiles.

He heard the phrase, ‘ time passes by fast’ many times but never acknowledged it because for the longest time Gale’s days seemed miserably long, between hunting alone, mining and watching the games. But now he realizes it, Although Katniss’s first games feel like they happened in another life, it feels like Johanna proposed to him a few months ago because the memory is fresh.

He also notices it in the specks of grey in his hair and in the wrinkles beside Johanna’s eyes when she smiles. It hits him like a tidal wave when he looks at old pictures, a mixture of nostalgia, happiness and anxiety all at once. Gawking at how much time has passed and fearing how much is left.

Rory never wants to get married, Vick got married 2 years back and has a 1 year old girl who has her mother’s red hair and hazel eyes. Posey claims that she can’t find the right man but is desperate and Gale tells her that she’s only 26 and should live a little before settling down.

“ What are you thinking?”, Johanna asks as her arms wrap around his waist, forehead resting against his back.

She still smells like pine trees, it astonishes him. She eventually shows him a bundle of pine needles wrapped in bandages and says that Katniss gave it to her during the rebellion, as a gift to remind her of home.

“ How time passes by fast.”

All the people they know, who have died are another reminder. How at first their names initiated a spike of pain and regret but are reduced to a simple acknowledgement that they aren’t here anymore while others are reduced to names. Amongst them are Beete and Plutarch, Gale can’t decipher if he cared about them or despised them, maybe both.

She snorts, “ Only when you're having fun.”

He understands the darkness behind her joke almost immediately.

Torture, Death, Torment.

“ How’s time passing by right now Mason?”, he asks, his hands landing on top of the smaller ones that hold him.

“ It’s alright.”

That’s a long way from where they’ve been.

The doorbell rings.

Johanna lets him go only to push him in the direction of the door.

Gale yelps and turns around, his brows furrow, “ What the hell?!”

The wicked grin on her face answers everything. She did it for fun, Gale scowls at her for ruining their nice moment and Johanna sticks out her tongue, proving that she doesn’t care. He’s starting to think that she’s getting mentaly immature rather than mature as time passes by.

Gale turns on his heel and heads to the door.

He looks through the peephole and sees a beaming Cedar.

Gale swings the door open and his eyes almost pop out of his head.

Cedar said he’d bring his boyfriend over today.

Gale was preparing to scold the kid about being too young when the color drained from his face and he realized his son was 18.

Cedar has an uneasy smile on his face. His fingers are intertwined with Finnick Mellark’s. Who is failing to mask his nervousness with his queasy expression. Finnick, who is a daredevil is scared of this of all things. Gale knows he isn’t making it any easier but he can’t help it.

Gale’s mouth opens to speak but no words come out, it clamps shut again.

“ See!”, Finnick hisses into Cedar’s ear, “ I told you this was a bad idea!”

His son is gay, a small surprise that is accepted without struggle.

His son is gay and dating the son of the woman that Gale loved, that’s something harder to register.

Gale wants to laugh and cry at the same time but instead he manages an easy smile, “ Hey Finn, you guys wanna come in?”

Gale fumbles around the kitchen in an attempt to make dinner. He asked Finnick to stay over and Finnick didn’t mind.

He thought he knew the kid but he’d never seen this coming. It’s like meeting a stranger you know, it’s odd. He’d seen him grow up, babysitted him when he was a baby as well. Saw him on a weekly basis when he dropped off Cedar or when he brought him over to his place. Finnick had grown to look like a male version of his mother, with his olive skin and dark hair but he had his father’s striking blue eyes. A drunk Haymitch once joked that Finnick looked more like Gale’s son than his own son did and it was a bad joke, an awkward one, that resulted in a 2 minute silence. Gale and Katniss both knew that it was because they both looked very similar but their history of Gale loving her and wanting to have kids with her just made the whole thing worse. Of course Peeta was the one to break the silence with a hollow laugh but it was the expression of pure hatred on his face that made Katniss burst into laughter. Gale followed soon after.

He thought it was amusing when his son became friends with Finnick, both of them following the footsteps of their parents. It got better when Finnick became the reluctant leader like his mother did and when Cedar became the one who would follow him to hell and back like his father did.

But now seeing his son possibly falling in love with Finnick was overwhelming and a tad bit scary. He’d heard that history repeated itself but he never thought he’d see it happen so soon. He feels reassurance that their relationship can’t end the same way as his did [ it better not] and that the feeling is mutual [ it better be ] rather than one sided.

He can’t wait until Katniss finds out because he wants to talk about it with her and have a good laugh.

“ Is this okay dad?’, Cedar asks as they are seated on the couches in the living room.

“ Kinda late to ask don’t you think?”, Gale says.

Finnick chokes on his breath and Cedar scratches his neck nervously.

“ It’s alright as long as you don’t hurt each other.”, He says as he gets to his feet and messes up both of their hair. Cedar squirms, Finnick smiles.

He says this because he feels like he’s like a parent to both of them. Cedar is obvious but Gale cares for Finnick too and he can’t stand the idea of either of them being hurt.

After Katniss finds out, she sees Gale and starts laughing for no reason. Peeta just shakes his head in disbelief but can’t suppress his smile.

“ I guess the Hawthornes are destined to fall for the Everdeens.”, he mumbles in mock sadness.

“ Is that a bad thing?”, Katniss retorts.

“ It was for me.”

And Gale smirks while she flushes in anger and Peeta mumbles that Finnick is a Mellark.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only a few months had passed since Gale’s 50th Birthday when Cedar came home with an engagement ring on his finger, smiling from ear to ear as he announced he’s getting married. Now days remain since he gets married to Finnick Mellark. He’s only 20 and he hasn’t even finished college yet but Gale doesn’t intrude because he’s too happy. Posey and Prim aren’t delighted that the boys are getting married before them but they’re content nevertheless.

They want their wedding to be inspired by the meadow, so the decorations consist of many flowers and it takes place outside in the spring.

Peeta is doing the cake and food.

Katniss is collecting flowers.  
Gale and Johanna are working on decorations. Johanna teaches him to cut trees then she carves them into furniture, he helps as much as he can but she’s sure he’ll ruin it and he can’t say she’s wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wedding traditions get confusing when there are 2 grooms but they have room to improvise. It’s decided that since Peeta has a daughter and will [ possibly ] have the chance to walk her down the aisle and because Gale has no intention of having another kid. Gale walks his son down his aisle.

He asks his son if he wants to wear a dress as a joke and Cedar doesn’t enjoy it at all.

Now he wears a white suit with intricate designs along the sleeves, Gale can make out flowers and small animals engraved on them. Instead of a veil he wears a flower crown. His messy hair is combed back.

“ Are you my son?”, Gale asks in all seriousness because Cedar Hawthorne never makes any effort to tame his hair.

Cedar laughs, “ Yes I am, believe it or not.”

Gale places his hands on his shoulders, “ You ready?”

Cedar smiles shyly, fidgets with the ring on his finger, “ I don’t think I ever will be.”

Gale chuckles, “ Neither was I. I’ll change the question, do you want to marry him.”

“ Yes.” , Cedar says in a heartbeat.

“ Then we’re okay to proceed.”

When Finnick sees him, his jaw nearly drops to the ground and he looks like he’s about to jump in delight and faint at the same time. Gale knows the look too well because he’s sure he looked similar on his wedding day. He wears a traditional black suit with a white undershirt and on his sleeves there are leaves embroidered in black string. 

Wooden poles have been engraved in the ground around them. In between them ropes with many flowers are stretched across, amongst them are purple cloths. The wall behind the altar is stunning, all the flowers are arranged in a pattern by color, reds, purples and blues. The beams are also engraved with the patterns made by Johanna. A carpet is sprawled across the ground where the altar is set.

When the two are enunciated as husbands and kiss, Gale notices that Finnick Mellark has to raise on his toes to reach Cedar's lips, he almost laughs out of delight, get's memories of his own wedding. Gale nudges a teary eyed Katniss with his elbow, “ So one of us married into your family after us.”

She smiles. 

Near the end of the party, when it’s beginning to calm down, Lucas Odair and Prim Mellark announce that they’re dating. Annie is as shocked as everyone else. The crowd bursts into another uproar and Gale hugs both of them because he sees the 2 kids awkwardly dancing at the Mellark’s first Christmas party. He still thinks they’re adorable. His heart swells and in some corner of his brain decided that if this almost seamless calmness and content is what they get in return for fighting back then _maybe_ all those deaths didn't go in vain after all. 


	11. Part 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spent a lot of time bickering and saying ruthless remarks, they don't hold back in front of family either. Vick tells him that he looks like he's going to strangle Peeta whenever the both of them are together.
> 
> It's odd because Gale doesn't remember them being like this, he doesn't remember spending so much time with Peeta either.
> 
> Peeta leans against the doorframe.
> 
> Maybe Gale is going to strangle him.
> 
> Maybe he would have if the old idiot wasn't his friend.

Gale's grandchildren are adopted 10 years after Cedar got married and looks nothing like anyone in their family but he loves them nevertheless. His granddaughter, Adira, has tan skin, hazel eyes and tangled curly brown hair. His grandson, Jaylan, has pale skin with freckles, brown eyes and jet black hair that's curly like his sister's.

They refused to accept their new family of two fathers for a few months, she was eight and he was 10. They warmed up to Gale instantly,insisting that it was because they thought he was cool and definitely not because they thought of him as family. He took them to the woods, to the beach, to explore the outdoors. Cedar, who is incredibly protective, forced them to wear layers upon layers of clothing, sweaters, jackets. She still takes off her jacket as soon as her dad leaves and he still tries to convince her not too.

Gale tells Jaylan about the world before the war alot, he listens with interest and almost every time Adira falls asleep in an awkward position.

Johanna loves how quiet and obedient Jaylan is and she taunts Adira all the time but Gale can tell that she relishes that her granddaughter is a tough fighter, who could easily beat up anyone who tried to harm her. She makes them do chores, wash the dishes and broom but as a reward she spoils them with wood carvings and sweets.

They see old pictures of their grandparents in school. They see Gale hoisting a gun whith murder in his eyes, they see Johanna when she's bald and living off morphine. They see Katniss giving a speech with the ashes of a hospital behind her and they see Peeta begging her to stop the rebellion. They see things and they have questions, it's painful to answer them but after he somehow gets through them, he sees maturity and understanding in Jaylan's eyes, a level of it that he should be too young to have, when he says to Gale that no one ever wins a war.

The reminders that surround him every day still hurt but over the years they've lessened, the media has moved onto more interesting matters and the government of New Panem has finally decided to stop celebrating the deaths and destruction of the Rebellion like it was a good thing.

Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne and Johanna Mason are important names that no one attaches to their wrinkled faces and beaming smiles. They see the young and attractive faces with an inferno of rage in their eyes. They don't see the burns or the scars or the permanent black lines under some of their eyes. They don't see Johanna tense when it rains nor do they see the scars that maul his back. They don't see the tremble in Peeta's hands when he paints or the patches of burned skin under Katniss's collar and sleeves.

They see them as victors rather than victims.

Gale doesn't think he won anything, instead he spent too long thinking about what he lost.

But now the Rebellion is long gone. Along with it is any remaining memory of the Games and the tyrant that once ruled over them. Along with it is the memories of the fallen districts and the people in it. Time has washed everything away for the world even though some of the events are still fresh in his mind.

He wishes he can remember his good memories, just his good ones. Wishes he can see Madge's smile without seeing her corpse, that he can see twelve before it was bombed, that he can think of Prim without being weighed down by guilt.

It makes him think that it's better not to think of the past, so he tries his best not too. Nightmares still seep into his slumber on countless nights but when he wakes up and feels Johanna's head resting on his chest and feels grounded by the warmth she radiates. He reminds her that he loves her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Johanna dies in her sleep, with her fingers wrapped around his forearm. Gale feels the wall closing in on him, feels like he can't breath as he pries her hand off. He shakes her, presses his palm against her cheek and whispers her name, yells it, yells until his voice is hoarse.

What if she tried to wake him up? What if squeezing his arm was her last effort to get him to help? What if she was in pain? What if she needed him?

Gale's head spins, he wants to run but he can't move, he doesn't want to look at her pale face but his eyes remain glued to it then he sees her expression, how her lips are pulled upwards in a small smile. Her face is serene, at peace.

But she's dead.

And this sight is going to burn into his brain and he'll see it in his nightmares, along with the countless dead. His memory of her might slowly be reduced to that face, he knows because his father was reduced to the burned corpse.

Gale crawls out of bed and sits with his back pressed against the wall. He won't allow that, he can't allow that. So he squeezes his eyes shut and forces himself to remember.

She was snarky, fiery, there was always a spark of mischief in her eyes, her grin was like a cat's, the skin beside her eyes crinkled when she smiled, she was unabashedly honest, too smug, she was his and he'll always be her's.

Tears stream down his cheeks as he presses a kiss to her forehead, " I'll see you soon Jo."

It's a promise he knows he can keep.

Gale doesn't know how long he'll be lost without her, it could be as long as months or years or as short as days.

At her funeral, he manages to keep the tears at bay because his whole family is there, watching him closely, waiting for the bottled up emotions to pour out of him because that's normal, but what he's facing is not normal, he feels like he's passed the maximum of pain he can endure because he feels numb, airy, like he's disconnected from the events occurring around him.. He doesn't cry then because he's already cried his eyes dry, now they feel like a desert.

Cedar makes the speech, with his red puffy eyes that have dark lines under them. He still talks with confidence and reminds everyone who attended of all the good things about his mother and Gale can only absently think that he owes him one. Sees her frail body one last time before the coffin's lid closes and she's lowered into the ground.

He promises to visit her often, to not let her be forgotten as soon as he lives.

The blessed yet cursed numbness doesn't last for long, as soon as the funeral ends Gale shuts everyone out. He locks the door, falls into a heap on the ground and cries until he can't anymore. He doesn't move from his spot, doesn't care about the pile of tears he lays in, or the itchiness from not showering or his stomach's grumbles.

He barely finds the energy to get up. To eat, to shower, to do anything because she's gone and she was the reason for his smile, for his heart to flutter and for him to get out of bed then scramble to work. She was his will, she was his life.

It's Katniss who comes to him then, forces food into his mouth and tells him that Johanna would want him to live. Saves him from dying while his heart is still beating for a second time.

It's too late to find someone else, so he keeps her good memories fresh in her mind and replays one of their heartbreaking but crucial conversations in his head. One that took place a few days after Cedar's 16th birthday. When their hair only had specks of white, when the only wrinkles they had were by their eyes when they smiled and fresh ones on their foreheads.

_' Gale.'_

_' Yeah?'_

_Her head rests against his shoulder, they're seated on the porch The sun sets in front of them, descends into the endless green of the forest._

_' When I die-'_

_' Jo!', Gale's heart begins to race and he sucks in a breath, ' Jo don't-'_

_' Listen to me! I have to say this!'_

_Gale looks away._

_' When I die, I don't want you to think that I regretted you, you gave me a family, a home, a new life and so much love that I can't even describe it. I didn't think it was possible but... but when I die, I'll be happy with what we had. '_

_Gale sucks in a breath, his mouth opens and closes and he can't speak because he pushed the thought of death to the corner of his brain and never confronted it again but now the fear captures his being. He's not ready to lose her, he'll never be._

_' We're all born one day, we all exist and one day we're gonna die but Hawthorne but i'm glad that with you, I lived. I want you to promise that even after I'm gone, you'll do the same. '_

_' I'll try.', Gale manages, ' But if I die first, promise you'll do the same.'_

_Johanna smirks, ' Oh that'll be easy for me.'_

_Gale huffs out a laugh, ' You're too kind Mason.'_

_' I know.'_

He promises to _live_. To laugh, to smile, to joke, to relish every moment he has left. To tell his family stories he's already told, to cherish the smiles on their faces after he jokes, to accept then move on from all the bad things he's done and hope for the best out of the future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out of the three of them, Katniss, Peeta and him, he always thought he would be the first to die. It was a thought he was willing to accept without trouble because they survived the games and were victors while he slept with an empty stomach and worked in the mines which, he was sure would collapse on his head. Because the Mockingjay was to be kept alive during the rebellion and soldiers like him were expected to lay down their lives for that. Because the Capitol did some freakish repairs to their bodies while he can still feel the coal dust rattle in his lungs when he breathes.

It's bitterly ironic when Katniss dies before Peeta at the age of 70. The girl who survived the games, who survived the rebellion, who rose to power and stood for the truth and humanity.

He doesn't know what to think of the promise that they made to each other, that if one of them died first, then the other would take care of the dead one's family. Doesn't want to accept its relevance in their current situation.

She always fought to keep Peeta alive and even in the end, her stubborn belief stood. She was taken away from existence before Peeta.

When the media tries to come to the funeral, Gale stands in their way. He has tears in his eyes and they can easily overpower him but he hasn't lost the feral look in his eyes so when he glares at them and says that Katniss would have wanted her funeral to be just her family, they don't object.

The funeral is quiet and simple, Gale is sure that this is the way she would want it to be. Gale clutches Peeta by the shoulders tightly because Peeta looks like he would jump into the coffin with his wife.

The night she died, Gale sits across from him as Peeta sobs, he feels like he's intruding but he's convinced that Peeta would try and kill himself.

He can't feel the pain Peeta does, instead he feels a dull aching emptiness in her place. It feels wrong for him to be here, because for as long as he can remember, she's always been there for him. When she wasn't there physically he felt relief in her presence, in knowing she was alive but now that had been taken away from him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a week since she died. Gale finds himself standing in front of the crooked stairs of the Mellark's house once again. He doesn't know what he'll say, what he'll do, all he knows is that it's his duty to protect Peeta Mellark, even if he doesn't want to be protected.

Gale clenches his jaw as he carefully makes his way up the stairs because falling off them would hurt and be a disgraceful way to die.

Gale finds Peeta in the same corner he was last week with his legs stretched out. Gale wonders if he's been sitting there since and hopes that he's wrong.

" Hey Peeta."

Peeta looks up at him but then his gaze returns to the window he was looking out of.

Gale grimances.

The house is a mess, there's shattered frames and tipped over furniture. Gale sees canvases on the floor, each has a painting of Katniss, young, old, and in between. Some of the paintings have been abandoned, others have xs drawn over them in black paint. The smell of all the paints mixes together, makes the air thick and Gale reminds himself to open the windows. Gale wonders how an old man like Peeta managed to create that much havoc. Gale would have cleaned it himself but he doesn't have the strength to do that, he can barely bend over. He has to hire a maid or something and pay her double for the effort it'll take.

He places the warm bowl of soup and bread from a restaurant at the market in Peeta's lap, " Eat.", his words aren't kind, they're cold and emotionless because he doesn't want Peeta to think it's a request.

Peeta glares at him, a storm of emotions churning in his eyes, anger dominates the rest, his brows are pull downwards, " Aren't you so polite." , it's intended to be a remark but his voice is hollow.

Gale chooses his next words carefully, based on a story that Haymitch told a long time

ago.

" If you wanted to be babied, you should have called Annie."

Peeta's expression softens, Gale can imagine the lightbulb on top of his head.

The moment is interrupted when Peeta's lips pull into a frown and he looks at the ground again.

" I don't want to live.", he says quietly, fidgeting with his paint littered fingers.

Gale's body protests as he sits down beside Peeta, a groan slips past his lips but relief washes over him when he leans against the wall, " I'm gonna force you to live."

" Why?"

Gale looks him in the eye, " Because I made her a promise."

Peeta scoffs bitterley, " It won't be easy."

" I know." , Gale forces his lips into a strained smile, " But you did the same for me, I don't want to die without paying the debt."

Peeta looks at him in shock, " Are you really going to do this?"

It reminds Gale of the look Peeta had when the group decided not to kill him, when he thought he was a burden, a threat, something not worth saving.

It makes Gale conclude that he still does, " Of course I am, I'm stubborn like that. "

He watches as a ghost of a smile comes on Peeta's face before he fights it away with a scowl, " Your loss."

" Hey, you're the only friend I have left and i'm not spending my last few years with a lunatic."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" Mellark get out of the house _now_.", Gale's eyes narrow dangerously.

Peeta turns his head to the side and smiles innocently but it's not innocent at all, it's taunting, " Don't want to."

He planned on getting the paint scrubbed off the floor but that was only possible when Peeta wasn't there to sit on it.

" I will make you."

" How is that?"

Peeta has decided to develop a new personality which consists of annoying Gale and waiting for him to lose it but Gale can't afford to do that. He's incredibly stubborn and Gale isn't any better, he isn't kind, instead he's pretty rude to Peeta, this whole ordeal is toxic to begin with because Peeta doesn't want his help but Gale isn't going to give up because he broke to many promises to Katniss and it would destroy him.

" Try me."

They spent a lot of time bickering and saying ruthless remarks, they don't hold back in front of family either. Vick tells him that he looks like he's going to strangle Peeta whenever the both of them are together.

It's odd because Gale doesn't remember them being like this, he doesn't remember spending so much time with Peeta either.

That means he should hate this but he doesn't because their arguments remind him of his arguments with Johanna. He should hate it because he can't because this keeps him busy, makes him anticipate Peeta's next words and come up with a clever retort.

Peeta leans against the doorframe.

Maybe Gale is going to strangle him.

Maybe he would have if the old idiot wasn't his friend.

Gale takes a deep breath. Knows that his words will result in a storm.

" Peeta, if you aren't going to do it for me, can you do it for her?"

The smile disappears from Peeta's face, then he makes it over to Gale incredibly fast and grabs the collar of Gale's shirt in an attempt to be intimidating but Gale still towers over him.

" What did you say?"

It's a low blow because their conversations are never this heavy with emotion, with grief. Gale avoids these types of things entirely.

" I care about you Peeta and I can't watch you do this to yourself. You're a friend, the only one that's close by and I can't lose you too, not yet."

Gale wants the ground to swallow him whole because he's known Peeta Mellark for a long time, too long and he never thought much of him, never cared about him. Hell, he even despised him at one point and here he is, telling him too much, giving him too much importance.

It makes Gale burn in self induced shame.

Peeta's smile returns and his hands leave Gale's collar, " Well if you put it like that, sure."

Gale's face turns crimson and he turns to face the other way, " Asshole.", he huffs out.

Peeta's smile broadens, " I think of you as a friend too."

" Damn you."

Peeta is very lively for the rest of the day, he talks with shopkeepers, heads back to the bakery and hums as he makes an assortment of cakes and cupcakes.

" You want diabetes?", Gale grumbles as he washes his dishes.

" Maybe."

Gale sighs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It takes months to bring Peeta back. In the start, Gale just wordlessly pushes through the doors and sits close by as Peeta trembles and murmurs things under his breath, he pulls him back from his panic induced delirium by calling his name, touching his arm. Then they start sitting outside together, Gale learns to make decent tea and makes them both a cup, he talks about his day and other meaningless chatter. Forces Peeta to go back to the bakery until eventually the light returns to Peeta's lifeless eyes and he begins talking again, joking. When Gale can't make it, he calls Peeta. Sometimes they sit in silence, other times they talk about fond memories of their wives.

It gives Gale something to look forward to and he's sure that it's the same for Peeta.

Their grandchildren start calling them the prime example of what real friends are and Peeta accepts the accolade with a beaming smile. Gale grumbles everytime someone mentions it until one day, Peeta elbows him and says, ' _C'mon Gale, I know you love it_.' and Gale can't help the small smile that forms on his lips.

There's still an emptiness in him where Johanna belonged. There's still a void in between him and Peeta where Katniss was. Gale doesn't think that it'll ever be filled or replaced by anyone else.

But he's still happy that he met the stoic girl with grey eyes when he did and that he loved a snarky girl with spiky dark hair fiercely.

Nothing will ever change that, not even death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! Thank-you everyone for all the love and support, To be honest I never expected this to get so popular. I wanted this to end as a 'slice of life' fanfic and I think I executed exactly that. I had so many ideas for this but I didn't want to stretch this out so much that the plot would be lost. I'm planning on getting back to video editing after this so don't expect any more stories from me anytime soon. However, this won't be the last thing I write and it certainly won't be the last of Gale Hawthorne. I hope you enjoyed this. Comments and Kudos are appreciated.


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